Borderline Personality Disorder Community
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1174869 tn?1441315268

Need some help and advice on a few symptoms

Hi, I have been having bursts of depression for around two years now, however, the initial problem is the fact that I have very unstable relationships with people. This started when I was probably age 9, if not before, I used just flip between hating and getting along with my dads girlfriend at the age of 10/11. The real problems began to onset at the age of 12, I mean I had obsessions before, from the age of 7/8 to around 10 I used to obsess about dying and was really scared etc.., then at the age of 9/10 I was obsessing about bombs hitting our house, then it was probably worrying about seizures, then the big problem with idolizing people kicked in; I mean I just wish it would go away, I just can't help it I have just been thinking about the same person all the time- its not love and I know that its because I hold them to such high expectations as they do no wrong and help me out a lot.
    I just over analyse every little thing they say to me, their facial expressions etc..and am over-judgemental and hold everyone higher than they really are. I'm scared to even look at them or just see them twice in a day per say as I will be scared that they no longer like me and I would have pushed them away. I then, get very angry with myself until the next time I see them to see if they are okay with me. I have no clear barriers of what I want to do with my life it just seems like nothingness. I can see no future, no further than high school. But the influences of others. I have nobody really. I just want to please everyone, I'm confused with myself. Who am I? Then, I just hate specific people for one reason; of which the hatred is never lifted, once I hate someone that is it. I can rarely forget; But just be paranoid that they are with me at school. I am also paranoid again I have done wrong to a person that they will no longer like me.
2 Responses
Avatar universal
Believe it or not, but this is something that almost everyone goes through. Of course, this might be more extreme than is normal, but everyone feels insecure like this to some degree. My best advice is to find a good hobby and take things easy. This will pull your mind away from your problems until you realize that the problems are not as big as you thought they were, and your life will become more manageable. Just find something that you really like doing, and if you don't know what you like just keep trying new things, learn an instrument, take up horseback riding, learn to cook, take up a sport. Once you find something you love, stick with it and it will keep you occupied. Meanwhile just relax and take it slow, and once you feel comfortable you need to tell this person how you feel. I am sure that they care about you, and deep down everybody wants to help someone. If you tell them nicely, they will be glad to help you in whatever way they can.
479477 tn?1312331482
Hey, I am assuming you are still very young, just because you said something about school. I just wanted to let you know, I know how you feel, a lot of what you wrote I have felt before and sometimes still struggle today with it. Don't know if you have gone to a DR. or not, I have been to LOTS, and started later in life than it should have. I didn't start going to DR until i was 29 and I am now almost 35. I was told Major Depression, then Depression, then Adult ADD then BPD, Who knows, all I know is I feel better now without taking meds. Again, don't know if you have or take meds. I suffer from not taking the ADD meds, but that is it. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know, I know how you feel with wanting to please everyone and you are not happy with yourself or happy in general unless you know others are happy with you. Like I said, I am almost 35 nad still struggle with that to this day, not so much as I used to. But, still more than I want. I worry too about if this person is happy with me today or not. When I walk into my friends work and she doesn't seem too pleasant today, I think what the hell did I do, to make her so distant with me. But, the truth is that is when you need to step back and realize did you do something and I find that the answer for myself after I go around it, is that I did NOTHING, sometimes I haven't even seen her in a couple days, so I know I haven't done anything. Sometimes , that is just how people deal with what ever is goin on in their life, and we take it the wrong way because we are constantly seeking acceptance from others so that we can accept ourselves. I am agreeing with Martzy up above, find something you enjoy and are good at that way you can begin on accepting yourself and be happy with yourself and stop worrying about making others happy with you. Because in the end, you are with you and you need to be happy. Others will not always be around, but you will always be around yourself. Anyways, got to run! :)
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