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Borderline Personality Disorder Community
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1076727 tn?1255788850

Suicidal

I feel so alone, I can not stop crying and thinking about suicide. I have been writing poetry about killing myself and printing images off the internet of death and people who have killed themselves. I just want this pain to go away. I have suffered a mental illness since I was 10 I have seen numerous doctors and had many differant diagnoses. I have had really bad problems with my parents recently and had to change my number and get away from them being able to reach me or message me. I have trouble leaving my house and seeing people face to face because I hide my face and can not talk. I tried to get help but no one is around and I feel so alone. My doctor wants to put me on an anti depressant with my current medication which is seroquel but she wants me to see someone and the only person available is a male and I have problems talking face to face with anyone especially males. I can write really well and explain myself but I can not talk. I feel like I am dead inside and I am so alone and the whole world is passing me by. I can not concentrate and my memory is bad I feel so dumb and I feel like I am caught in two worlds at once. I just cry all the time and think about death
7 Responses
535822 tn?1443976780
you need someone to talk to, please Pm me I am used to talking to folks ., all will be well Marg
585414 tn?1288941302
Perhaps there is a way to find a solution as to who you will be referred to. Seroquel is an antipsychotic used as a mood stabilizer and perhaps an adjunct anti-depressent would help. Worth giving it a try. Once things are adjusted you could talk over your life issues in general with a therapist. I have schizoaffective disorder and before I started medication and at times when I wasn't stable I was completely afraid to leave the house. If you feel suicidal in any way best to contact your psychiatrist as soon as possible.
Avatar universal
The symptoms you describe (poor memory, inability to concentrate, crying, thoughts of suicide, etc) all occur with depression.  If you treat the depression then these symptoms may reduce or even go away.
You may also be depressed because of your issues with your parents.
When you're feeling this way the best thing to do is to reach out to a health professional and be honest about what's going on.
I understand the difficulties with a male T.  Sometimes we need to work with what we have no matter how painful.  Some males are also trustworthy and respectful.
What I have learned is that until we do the face to face stuff we don't really make that much progress.  If the problem we have is with relating, etc then we need to keep persevering with it.
If your T is good then they should be able to help.
Talk to someone about how you feel.  Either contact your doctor, T, mental health provider or go to the hospital.  You don't need to feel this bad.
1046832 tn?1255008262
I was reading your post you are such a beautiful young lady with so much life ahead of you I hate to hear that your thoughts are consumed with suicide!!!! Honey please seek help!!!!! antidepressant could help you !!!!!! My sister is bipolar and is on several different medicines and when her thought pattern changes and mood changes they either up her  dosage or change the type of pills she takes and she also see's a therapist . I will be praying for you , there is alot of caring people on this forum who will help you!!! Im here if you ever just need to talk!!!!!!!!!        momloves54
Avatar universal
before jumping on the medication band wagon try to visit an EA meeting, most psyc hospitals suggest this type of program over medication for bpd
it can help with just about any experience, i hope you feel better soon, i lived years and years of my life unhappy and suicidle, its been a long time since i have had self mutilating thoughts, and if and when they do come i use the advise i found in ea
medication can help a little but there is not drug out there that will stop you from being suicidle its something from within
http://www.emotionsanonymous.org/
there are also ada meetings for people with other mental illness, however ea is a larger program, hope this helps
Avatar universal
here is another link, positive meditations for people with depression
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Step-forum/oe-meditation/show/1072322
1078122 tn?1255914286
hi natasha im kate,
im new to this whole website but i saw your post and couldnt help but want to comment, I'm 18 years old too. Im a senior in highschool and i have been told by a few people that im quite pretty.And i gotta tell you your so gorgious. I just dont think you realize the mass amount of power and influence that you have at your fingertips. You have the ablitiy to do almost anything at this point in your life. Your young and beautiful, I swear if you used your gifts correctly you could manipulate any situation to your advantage. It took a really long time to figure that out but once i realized that I could use my looks as an advantage life became full of possiblites. soo please dont give up , u seem really sweet and i would like to become friends. If you ever feel like talking just leave me a comment, i really hope you do :)
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