OMG!!!! Not to be weird thruthseeker16 but your my twin in the world. I too have BPD and Yes it is sooo hard to keep a job. I too had multiple good jobs but left them making styling decisions. I blow up at little things too, especially questions I feel that person knows already and is just trying to get to me by asking me anyway. I hope you found the help you needed. I am starting DBT dialectal behavior therapy soon. And it is a specific treatment for BPD's.
Me 2. I also have BPD and found it difficult keeping jobs. I hated working with lots of other people and also would get stressed and lash out quickly. Thankfully, for that reason, I've been approved as 'disabled' and no longer have to have a job to go to anymore.
Many times, the type of job that you have will determine how circumstances will affect you. In food service, the pressure of having to move fast, or having rude customers or toxic co-workers can really trigger harsh emotion and paranoia. So, in a fast food or restaurant setting, you want people who are intelligent, low key and understanding and you want to have a mind and emotional stance where you can put up with pressure, rude customers, rushes, harsh conditions at work and long hours.
For clerical work, the office environment should be one that again, is low key, where privacy is afforded. In office settings, receptioning, having back stabbing or gossipy co-workers, or petty co-workers can trigger and cause a lot of instability. Receptioning takes a lot of emotional intelligence and focus and lots of emotional strength. If you are stuck in a job of a clerical nature that is negative, the best way to deal with it, is to take each day as it comes, work with your therapist on DBT, take your meds if you have them as prescribed and to take walks if allowed. Daily walks boost endorphins, get you out of the monotony of the office setting and help you to feel better. If you need to look for another job, then do so. Whether or not the clerical job is stressful, using earbuds if they allow music is great. Also, there is an app you can get called "Woebot" from Samford University that can assist with daily check ins and basic emotional support to augment having a regular therapist. The "Woebot" chatbot can assist reframing and "Stinkin' thinkin." Also, if you are saavy (which I am not, but if you are) you can always learn how to speak in an assertive way and learn office etiquette. Filing jobs and document scanner jobs are the least stressful amongst the clerical jobs. If you are high functioning or can manage your Borderline well, you can also do more professional jobs such as teaching or civil engineering, if you can manage your emotions well.
The general course of life may (may meaning that each person is different) eventually have you finding your core personality, then learning to deal with negative thoughts, learning to say "No" and set boundaries, self management, and then the final piece is dealing with getting too emotionally attached. Depending upon your functional level, you can learn to manage your "ism" and remember that your "ism" is not you.
So, each person with Borderline knows their own limitations and each person with Borderline knows whether or not disability, or a Voc Rehab job or regular job will help them. You DO have an inner core, however soft it may be, an inner self and what you need to learn to do is to love yourself enough to be able to tune into that inner self because it can give you proper guidance.
Resources for young borderlines:
ACOA for those of us who have had alcoholics in our lives
"Care of the Soul" by Thomas Moore
Anything by Carolyn Myss or Mary Ellen Copeland (WRAP)
I have had BPD (though my official diagnosis goes back and forth from Bi-Polar to BPD dependant upon the pych doc)
But I know it's BPD. Many of the things you describe I've battled with. I've left very good jobs because of my disorder. I've verbally fought with co-workers, taken on whole departments because I thought they were out to get me. Idolized bosses only to despise them a year later and blame them for ridiculous things. Initially, work very hard to be the best at everything, achieve it and rise only to later not give a crap about any of the work I was doing. Act out in embarrassing ways for attention than be in bed for days because I was ashamed.
I was extremely lucky I was never fired. I always got so sick I used up my sick/FMLA time and quit.
When I was in early 20's the job I had I was in charge and mostly isolated so I was able to stay employed for around 10yrs
I made the horrible mistake by switching careers where I had to work with people and the public. I bounced from job to job only lasting 3yrs max at each. I'm disabled now, due to a myriad of reasons.
I miss working and look into volunteering. Some days I feel like I want to and other days I don't want the stress.
Good luck to all