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Frontal Lobe serious personality change !

I'm currently 30 years old , I was 27 on the set of of my show working when I began to get a storage feeling in my left arm. Everyone told me it was anxiety but I knew different. I then dropped camera batteries out of my left hand and couldn't understand why I could hold anything. In thought I needed to tie my shoe lace but it was actually my left foot dragging behind me. Then my entire left side including face, scalp, lips and all the rest decided enough was enough. I thought , this isn't gonna stop me from working ! What an idiot I was and naïve to think I was larger than life. I didn't want to scare my current wife so I went to the ER and text her I was still at work. The doctor on call said I should stay for test or there is a chance I could die, I replied," if I'm dying its after I get a bacon ultimate cheeseburger from Jack in the Box". Now knowing what I know its because of my inability to make decisions that I said or acted that way.  I go home with food in hand, drop the food on the floor and lay next to my wife thinking well this is better place then any, I also thought when I woke up it would be gone. Like a bad dream. I wake up at 3am unable to move my left arm or walk properly so I wake my wife up to tell her the truth. Well, it turned out to be an intracranial Brain hemorrhage to the frontal lobe. I walked with a cane for a while and lost 90%feeling in my left arm, ribs and out of all places my scalp/ear. Now three years later it seems after two years I'm not getting better, I'm getting worse. my short term memory is getting worse, I can't differ anything from my left hand and my arm is heavy , feels like I slept on it. I sleep less and less along with little eating. I recently drove across country and didn't know where I was going (I did when I left, California) but in the moment I lost hours of time and got lost 10-15 times with GPS.

Is this normal. My family thinks I'm crazy and the rest of them say I'm bipolar. They never mention my brain injury because I look and sound fine. Its not like having a broken arm or back. My decision making is horrible. I ran a huge show as a technical supervisor , mot anymore. I'm looked at by the people close to me as mentally ill. What is going on here? Why two years later am I getting worse. Did I mention I am not drinking or anything so its just my damaged brain and me. My brother on the phone last night said Ive turned into a weirdo. Is it possible this brain injury has made me seriously mentally ill. I don't feel it. If we are being honest then I feel a huge change But to say CRAZY ???? Thats a little harsh even for brothers. I don't talk much about it with them and maybe that's a factor. I don't want to make wrong choices or not speak but once a person is labeled crazy, well, thats all she wrote. anything you say is deemed "crazy". You get defensive and you're wrong, have a bad day or days hour bipolar.

Is there anyone out there with advice or been through this? I dont drink or take meds anymore except for Lithium they say I need. I feel alone, I feel different mostly I feel like s stranger in my own body. Maybe there actually is no question, maybe I am mentally ill and I'm fooling myself to think different.




1 Responses
Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
You need to consult a neuro-psychologist. This way you can get proper counseling.

As for normal - this is your normal.

As for family and friends... I can totally understand. You are not the first person to have an illness where you appear ok, but are not, and family cannot understand why, several years on, things are not different. This is the stress of a long term "illness"  or chronic condition that we live in the body so we know, but the other person does not have a clue. Not a single one.

Are you getting any support at all? How is your wife? What about your doctors?
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