Question for our Breast Cancer Community Members

[healingwell62]

Hi Everyone! For those of you who are or have been in treatment and have felt at one time or another, "I just can't keep doing this", what is the phrase, concept or thought that you focus on to get you over the hump?

I'll tell you mine -- "I will do everything I have to to ensure I'm around to terrorize my great-grandchildren."  If I'm thinking a little more seriously, I'll think, "This bad feeling is just one feeling here and now -- it will pass and I'm one step closer to getting better."

Thanks BC folks.  You are a truly special group of people and I tell anyone who will listen how much you've helped me.

Chris
Healingwell62
Breast Cancer Community Leader

[rockchalk76]

Dear Dee - I understand your feeling of being MAD right now.  I think I am in between spells of being mad.  On Wednesday I was mad that I hurt so badly and no one was taking away the pain.  Yesterday I was mad that some one from the board of my Friends of the Library group wondered if I could take care of some things for the book sale, since I was feeling better.  I told her that "feeling better" was a moment by moment thing and if I got bad news with my path report, all bets were off.  I don't want to be a whining, cry baby but just because I don't hurt like heck today, it doesn't mean I'm ready to resume everything.

Today I'm in a fairly good mood.  I took the time to go to my little neighbor girl's birthday party yesterday afternoon.  I hadn't told any of that group of neighbors about my surgery.  I protected my breast from unexpected bumps.  She was delighted with the quilted coloring bag I had made her.  I don't think there is any phrase that is going to get me through this.  I believe it is being around people who aren't sick and are enjoying the ordinary things of life that helps me most.  

I know that you are a very giving person Dee, from our interactions on this message board.  I hope you can take the time to be a little selfish as you face this next step.  I see that for me to have time to heal, I am going to have to start doing something that does not come naturally to me - I need to start saying NO!  No, I can't organize the next fund raiser and No, I don't want to be the president of our club next year.  If they only like me because I do so much, then they aren't really my friends.  I suspect NO does not come easily to you either but I hope you can put yourself first.  I'm right here rooting for you, Kay

[Dee52]

This is my second time around.  My first cancer was in 1993 I treated it like it was the flu and I would be well and live a very long life.  That was 15 years ago...now I'm going around for the second time.  How do I feel...I feel like I want to live!  This time my cancer is worse. I will go through what we do when we have cancer.  Not give up. keep our heads held high think positive!!!  For the first time I realize I am mad I have read a few post and my prayers will be with all of you.  
  I see my husbands eyes and my children, grandchildren all my families eyes and I see it...is she going to make it this time?  Can we be so lucky...I say yes we will get through this.  Last night I watched my husband try to sleep he never has problems sleeping he didn't sleep a wink.  He said it was because of his shift work.  I see it in his eyes I want to hold him protect him it's not myself but my family I don't want to see them go through this again.  At this moment in time I am angry!  
I'm not the type of person who will stay angry it's this moment this second I want to take the pain away from my family.  I' ve had so many surgeries I told my husband he should call me Frankenstein's wife.  I thought OK one more surgery a knee replacement and then my husband and I can start living again.
I don't know how many surgeries I will have to go through but I want to live!!

[Mukenhimer]

There are a few things that keep me going.  Perkier boobies and a flat tummy are going to be my reward (thanks to the DIEP flap reconstruction after chemo), this will all be over in 1 year, and "whatcha gonna do?!"  I can't wish it away or ignore it and hope it fixes itself.  I have to do EVERYTHING in my power to ensure this is the first and ONLY time I am a cancer patient.

I've described this whole induction into the "sisterhood no one wants to join" as like being chosen for REALLY crappy jury duty.  You're kind of picked at random, no one wants to do it, IT *****, and it's temporary.  Basically I just keep saying "whatcha gonna do?!"  What choice do I have?  I'm not being brave or strong, I'm putting one foot in front of the other each day.  The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step so that's my motto.  I know when chemo will be over (approximately, provided it doesn't get pushed back anymore), I know my hair will come back, I'll have breasts again, I'll look like everyone else again, I'll feel good again, I'll be normal again, I will get married and have children, and, most importantly, I'M NOT GOING TO DIE!!!!!!  I know too many survivors and I intend to be one of them.  I will be one of those women who can help those who are newly diagnosed and no longer be on the receiving end of the advice and support.

That which does not kill me makes me stronger and my scars are stronger and tougher than my original skin.  This evil cancer has given me a new outlook on life (cliche, I know), made me aware of my own mortality, and made me realize how lucky I am (personally and professionally) and what's really important.  Things could be SO much worse (even though they are relatively bad, I mean, I do have cancer) but I choose to look at the silver lining on this cloud.  Don't get me wrong, I get cranky and allow myself to be cranky but it doesn't happen often and it's expected.  

The members of this community have also helped me a great deal.  How did survivors get through this without the internet?!  

[Dee52]

I had spoke to you when I the spot showed on my mamo.  Since then I have found I have Invasive lubulor cancer.  I will admit now that my family is  not around I am so scared.  My first cancer in the same left breast was tubulor.  From what I can tell this cancer works in so many different ways.  The Dr said it runs long ways and sometimes your breast just starts turning hard.  Which mine did so I am afraid it is farther along than we think.  I don't see my cancer doctor until I have my double masectomy and implants put back in.  I have to do a lot of research on the implants because I don't know one from the other because I just never thought I would be in these shoes.  
  I have a very positive attitude and great Faith in God.  It's the unknown that scars me.
I hope you are feeling much better and I will pray for each and every person who has cancer.
Thank you for all you do,
Dee

[jobanana]

I had this talk with myself when I thought I coudn't keep going about 1/2 way through my treatment. Then, I repeated it over & over each next time I was feeling low.
  " This is bad... I want to stop this... But I can't. I know there's only one way to do this. I need to be the best warrior I can be against these cursed c-cells so I can get a bit more out of my lovely life. I can't give in to this. I won't ! "