Forgive me for the length of this post, I am worried sick. First I want to start by saying I have had health anxiety since my early 20s. I started having problems with my heart and it took me forever to get a diagnoses because no one would listen to me. In the end it turned out I had 3 different heart arrhythmias and because I was brushed off by the many drs I saw I developed bad health anxiety. It has been a struggle but for the past several years I have been dealing with it shockingly well. One of the worries that I can't seem to be rid of no matter how hard I try is Cancer. It makes it way into my mind here and there. I know the reason I have the fear is because aI have had so many x rays and ct scans, so many that I can't even count the amount of them. When I think about the amount it makes me sick in my stomach. I would push and push because I didn't believe the drs when they told me I was okay. I think about how I could possibly have ruined my body when I didnt need the scans. There have been a few needed ones but for the most part they were pointless. For the most part I don't even go to the drs unless I have no other choice.
Okay, I am a female and I just turned 35 a few months ago. About a little over 2 months ago I noticed I was getting really short of breath doing normal things. After 2 weeks went by and it was still happening, I decided to call my dr to get checked on. I was told the office couldn't see me because my insurance assigned me to a different primary care dr. I called the insurance, got the info for the new dr and called them for an appt. Unfortunately because I am a new patient they had no openings and I was given an appt for May 1st, which at the time was over a month and a half away but nothing I could do but wait. About 3 weeks ago I was washing in the shower and I noticed something wasn't feeling right under my left breast in the rib area, I noticed a lump there. I called the dr again to see if I could be sooner but there still were no open spots. A few days ago after getting out of the shower and drying off I felt the lump was moving, I got freaked out and went to the ER. I literally cried the whole way because I'm afraid. I get there and was out in less then 20 minutes. The ER dr told me she felt what I was talking about and that it was a lipoma and to follow up with my DR. When the ER nurse came to bring me paper work, I thanked her and told her I was relieved that the DR said I was okay. I told her the lump came from no where because I had never noticed it before. She responded by telling me lipomas grow slow... I am confused by this. Wouldn't I have felt it before now? If that was the case? I ready my discharge papers which said the same thing, also that they are a benign tumor of the skin. This lump I have is not on my skin, its inside my body. The papers also say they are found on the trunk, nape and forearms and mine is under my breast in the rib area. I am really scared. I do not know how this dr knew what this thing is just by touching it. I hate that I have to wait all the way till May 1st to talk to a dr about it.
It didn't hurt when she pushed all around the aream I do not think the lump itself hurts. I do feel pain here and there in the area that its in, so I think maybe its touching other things ans thats why it hurts sometimes? I also notice it without touching it. Like I can feel its there without touching it, if that makes sense. You know your body and you are use to everything about it. When something appears that isn't supposed to be there it feels different, like its invading space and making the surrounding area feel different. I dont know how to explain what I mean to say exactly but I hope you understand what it is I mean to say.
All I am postive of is that I am afraid. I am worried this lump is a bad thing. I'm trying my best to believe what the dr told me but I am having a hard time with that because all she did was feel it. How could she possibly know and of course because I have health anxiety I see cancer everywhere I look jow. Like its a sign that the universe is trying to tell me something. Everytime I turn the TV on there is a commercial on about. 3 of my friends on FB have been diagnosed with it in the past 2 weeks so everytime I log on there and see their post my brain thinks again that its a sign. I spoke to my sister 2 days ago and she was telling me she has to get radation treatment because her espougaus is pre cancerous. She is only 44 and she has had a hysterectomy about 6 years ago for cervical cancer. My moms sister had ovarian cancer when she was in her 20s. My mothers mother died when my mom was 8 years old of cancer so I have a lot of history of it on my mothers side. I am not sure about my fathers side though because I never met him. I only know he had the same kind of arrhythmias like me and he had heart disease, he died suddenly at age 51 and his father also suddenly at age 50.
I know no one here can tell me what my lump is but maybe someone has been through something similar? Or knows about these things? I have 3 beautiful kids, the youngest being 3 and all I can think is im gonna die and leave them motherless.
Thank you for listening and any advice you can lend would be appreciated and again im really sorry for the long post.