Caregivers Community
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549511 tn?1271775930

Im new at being a carer

I am now taking care of my mother who is at stage 4 colorectal cancer,and has started chemotherapy last week.We only found out 10 weeks ago and she had surgery 3 days after we saw the surgeon and he told us the news.Somedays i look at her and i cant believe that she isnt going to be around for long,as she is very upbeat and happy.I dont know if this is for my benefit,but she tells everyone except me that she worries about how im am going to cope with it all.She also worries as i have my own health issues and that having her here with me is too much for me.for the past 2 years she has been housebound due to a car accident,and in and out of hospital and many operations. I bought her home last week to live with me,and she is enjoying all the activity and noise around here. I am the only one she has to depend on,as i dont have any brothers and sisters to help me.I dont even know why i wrote all this anyway thats my story.........................

7 Responses
144586 tn?1284666164
It sounds like you are doing a good job and should be proud of yourself. Try to make every day for her the very best one of her life. And if you can't because of financial or personal burdens, don't feel guilty. You can only do so much. It's a nice spring and try to get her out, if you can. Hold her tightly and pray.

The best of luck and my heartmost sympathies.
549511 tn?1271775930
Thanks  for that,its autumn here,and we are still having nice days,we have hired a wheelchair rro take her for walks,unfortunately i am not strong enough to push it,so when someone who can do it i will be asking !!
547368 tn?1440541785
Welcome to the Caregivers Forum. We are glad that you have joined us.

Bless you for under taking this difficult challenge. In my opinion it will be the hardest thing you have ever done...but the most rewarding thing you have ever done also.

It is not unusual for a terminally ill person to worry about those that are left behind. Your Mum is well aware of the personal health issues and how you have struggled with them. She is probably worried how you will cope without a mother.

My previous experience in death and dying and now my personal association with Hospice has taught me to reassure my father that though I will miss him I will be ok. He too has expressed concern to Hospice Personnel about me and how I will "go on" without him in my life. My Dad has always been there for me. We have had disagreements at different time through our lives but we have always been best buddies. I am not as confident I will be ok but I don't let share that with my father.

I am sure that your Mum is having some of these same thoughts. In time the two of you may want to discuss her passing....you'll know when the time is right...just keep your eyes and ears open.  

My heart goes out to you. I know how very difficult the path is that you have chosen. Caretaker is correct....never let guilt over take you. Do the best you can, that's all you or any of us can do.

We're here for you. Please feel free to share with us again.

549511 tn?1271775930
thanks Tuck,
i am feeling better now that she is living with me ,my mum is looking better and is very chirpy,as for the chemo well she has just done the first week,the first couple of days werent to good and she is sleeping alot, and not eating a great deal.My FM is in an all time flare up and im struggling to get around,i cant take my ususal pain killers as they make me very sleepy,so thats out of the question at the moment.I was thinking about trying a bowen therapist.Anyway that again everyone for the advice and i will come back again soon....:)
549511 tn?1271775930
thanks for that !!
547368 tn?1440541785
I am glad your mum is doing better.

It's so very difficult to juggle chronic pain and care for a loved one. The more care my father requires the higher my pain levels become. Chronic pain in itself can be difficult to manage then add care-giving to it and it can become a monster. Sometimes there is just no juggling.

But as with you I feel better with my father in my home. I know he is being taken care of and he is where he wants to be. I am sure that is the same with you and your mum.

I have no personal experience or knowledge regarding a Bowen Therapist. Another MedHelp Forum may have better suggestions in that area.

Hang in there Kitty. We're all in this together.

My Best to You,
549511 tn?1271775930
Thanks Tuck!! IMy dog has his own bowen therapist,and she has done wonders with him,but she doesnt do people,its a gentle spine movement to get the spinal fluids flowing better and its takes pressure of the nerves.I know all about but its getting around to find a good one. Yeah Tuck im hanging in there alright no worries!!  We can all hang together LOL
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