It's been a month today since Fluffy died gently while I held and kissed him, putting an end to his suffering from an aggressive cancer. A month of some of the worst depression, self-doubt, insecurity, loneliness, and grief. Along-side of that were feelings of relief, sweet memories, joy that he was no longer suffering, relief that he was no longer consuming my life 24 hours a day. Acceptance comes and goes, as the two extremes of emotions war with each other.
I'm having a good week, as my roommate brought me along to her conference at Squaw Creek at North Lake Tahoe. I'm sitting at a table in our suite with an at least 100 degreee view of the valley and surrounding pine covered foothills and higher mountains with lingering snow. Nearly floor to ceiling windows all around, and in the bedroom, too. It's easy to feel better with all this beauty surrounding me.
I broke a toe on the bathroom's marble countertop (misjudged and kicked it when trying to put my foot on top, lol). Still, later that day I hiked a mile (500 ft.decent) down to Lake Tahoe at Eagle Falls and cooled my feet in the lake, I saw the beautiful old Vikingsholm there on Emerald Bay nestled in Pines and cedars, with a clear view of Fannette Island, the only true island in Lake Tahoe. I enjoyed the company of Douglas squirrels, ground squirrels, and some cheeky blue jays. The hike back up was painful and breathtaking in more ways than one.
We stopped a little farther up the road, and saw the trail we'd hiked as well as an incredible view. My roommate spotted a Bald Eagle sitting on an old snag, and we zoomed in with her camera and took several pictures.
The next day we rode a cable car to High Camp (8200 ft.) and went for a one mile hike through meadows of wildflowers, breathing deeply of lightly pine-scented fresh mountain air, then had lunch with a view of a pool and the mountains. I yearned to take a trail down to Shirley Lake, but knew my toe (and the rest of my body, lol) couldn't take it.
Each day I'd find Fluffy hair on my clothes, each day I'd look at his picture on my phone, each day I'd think of calling and talking to my catsitter. I think I will, today, since she's still my friend and I've called her from everywhere I've gone for years (except Canada and Mexico).
I head back home on Sunday, and wonder how that will feel. I know that I'll get another cat someday, but not now, not to fill the hole left by Fluffy's passing.
I'll always be a cat person; a member of the Cat Community. Thank you all for being here.