Oh Becca that is a dilemma isn't it and I understand completely....I've been there myself a few times, although the older cats didn't overgroom.
I do think older kitty will come around and get used to kitty, but I can't promise that either.
Talk to your Vet, perhaps something to calm older cat for a bit until the transition is over?
I know I do also hate to medicate, but perhaps a lite dose for a short while wouldn't be cause to worry....?
lets see what others suggest, sure hope you are able to keep the little one...he is in need of a loving home too.
best to you
Things are better than they were after Christmas, but I'm wondering how long to persevere. My older cat is very much an outdoor cat and a lot of time during the day patrolling his territory in the street (much to the amusement of many of my neighbours!). And he will quite often spend the night on my bed.
So little one spends most of the day inside, and I have no idea what he gets up to at night, except that he wakes me at about 6.30 demanding his breakfast.
The difficulty comes at meal times and I have to feed the older one first and keep shooing the younger one away.
Whatever, I must be doing something right, as neither of them want to leave!
Your older cat may come around, but it is touchy as cats are so territorial. You could try posting in the "Related ExpertsForums" on "Pet Behavior Problems", A Vet will answer.
I hope it will all work out for you. I've found myself in same predicament, and it's worked out but can be difficult. I hope some others will weigh in soon, too, and give their advice.
I am going through the same problem. I have 2 tabby inside cats almost 4 yrs old. I introduced a stray tortie last year, she moved in full time in June after a slow intorduction. shortly after Paws started to twitch at the base of his tail and groom like mad, thurns out this is astress related condition called hyperathesia. this lead to urine infections and blockage and a poorly cat. long story short. no medical reason could be found £2,000 later so get an anilmal behaviourist in. turns out Paws has feline OCD as a result of the girl. been do behaviour modifacation for 6 weeks now and reducing his meds. so far so good, no infection for 7 weeks which is longest he has gone since July 3 when it started and the twitching has almost stopped. it cost £400 but well worth it. its a long process and still trying to get Paws to acept the girl. Tigger his brother has settled down with her most of time... I hope this helps. check out a book by Dr David Sands, 500 cat questions good luck
Thanks for your comments. As far as I can tell Big Cat is well, and things are settling. He's a fairly laid back cat anyway, but has never had to share space with another cat. Also Little Cat being a neutered male helps. I understand that introducing a female to a male is difficult as the females are always 'top cats' and boss all other cats. Also Little Cat is used to living with 5-6 other cats and they all got on very well and would rough and tumble. He's obviously missing this, but Big Cat is not going to play. I don't think they will ever be friends, but Big Cat is tolerating Little Cat much more now and the hissy fits are reducing.
glad things are settling down
good luck keep me posted.
had a set back with PAWS this evening. bad twitching again and bad atac on girl