I have been struggling with my symptoms recently. So, I decided to find some GOOD points of Chiari.
Here goes, please know this is all in good fun:
Neck pain (running down the shoulders at times): ALWAYS a good reason to request a massage from a loved one or pay for one. TOTALLY reasonable to pay the money.
Unsteady gait (problems with balance): Grounds to “bump” into that attractive stranger. ;)
Poor hand coordination (fine motor skills): When you drop a plate, no one really gets mad. They understand it wasn’t intentional. And for that cute little office mate who always gets flowers. Offer to take them to her, OOPS…. (Okay, that was a little mean.)
Numbness and tingling of the hands and feet: Have your own hissy fit like a three year old. Lie on the floor at the supermarket and beg for those Sugar Pebbles. It really helps to kick your feet in the air and hands flailing around everywhere. Work out those anger issues from childhood. FREE THERAPY. It’s all just part of your Chiari benefits.
Dizziness: It’s nice to be able to spin around about five times and feel like you are drunk. Vomiting really intensifies the effects. Bonus: You can double as a human slinky to entertain children.
Difficulty swallowing (sometimes accompanied by gagging, choking and vomiting): This could possibly get you out of a bad date, boring wedding or meeting. Maybe even a free meal at a restaurant.
Vision problems (blurred or double vision): Twice the goodness if it’s a nice view. Put your head back and rest when it isn’t.
Slurred speech: When you REALIZE you said something wrong, you give yourself a mental gold star. Don’t waste precious times wondering how many times your words were wrong and you DIDN’T notice. It’s your own special dialect.
Ringing or buzzing in the ears (tinnitus): God’s special little music only you can here.
Poor bladder control: Pissing the night away. Good reason to purchase new undies. Or if you are really economical: adult diapers. Why not?
Chest pain, in a band-like pattern around the chest: Reminds you how small we are in this universe.
Curvature of the spine (scoliosis) related to spinal cord impairment: NO ONE can tell me to “Stand up straight.” Your posture is messed up! Of course it is, my spine is curved. Plus it gives me a reason to have my hip cocked out in the “I am one hot-momma” stance.
Abnormal breathing — specifically, sleep apnea characterized by periods of breathing cessation during sleep: No need to explain to the spouse that you aren’t in the mood. Just put on the CPAP. They most likely won’t try anything. And if they do, just start hyperventilating.
Thanks everyone. I needed that. Hope you all have a blessed day.