Chiari Malformation Community
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1968463 tn?1374761413

Pre-surgery blues

Not really a question. Just getting some of this out. I thought that I was past the pre surgery depression part of things...and then surgery was postponed and I find ,myself in the same situation as surgery once again approaches. I know that everyone around me is also tense with anticipation and worry. I am so glad that my DD's review is keeping me busy...because  when I am not busy....I jsut sit and stare...it really can take a toll ...especially mental. I am so tired too....I mean like unusually fatigued. I jsut cannot seem to ever wake up. Thank you all for letting me blow off some steam. and vent. My DH finally admitted that he is scared. Until now he was like no big deal...you are just fine. Like I was having my tonsils (in my throa) removed. It was actually stressing me more  to see his non shelant attitude. It was almost as if he didn't care. It seemed as though all he was worried about was how long I would be down and not be able to tend to the  house. Anyway..thanks again.
15 Responses
1274661 tn?1301871921
Let it all out. I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I have not had surgery yet and I know it is only a matter of time. Waiting is always difficult, you just want it done and over with. I can relate with the husband issues. Most of the time I feel like he doesn't care that I am in constant pain nor does he try to understand what is even wrong. However, I truly believe that inside he is just scared.
We are all here supporting you and I wish you all the best with the upcoming surgery and the anxious waiting period. I hope you find some way to relax and ease the depression. I am sending you calming, healing and relaxing energy :)
620923 tn?1452919248

  Sheila,  the men in our lives show us how they care so diff from what we expect...or assume they should be....and I know from experience u can do neither....they will do this diff and I know it affects them as much as it does us....recently my DH clued me in on what was going on while I was in the OR....I had no idea of course...and he never let me know as he felt it would upset me....so they do what they do many times to help us and we think bcuz they r quiet they do not care...that just shows the diff btwn the sexes....

  What u r feeling is normal, u had it b4, but it all was put on hold, now it is getting close again, so of course u will feel those same feelings...I am glad ur DH shared with u how  he is feeling that will help u thru....

Know we r all there with u if only in spirit  : )
1663373 tn?1333639589
Am glad you are venting your worries we are here for you! I know when my dh was scared it made it so much more real. It is a scary thing but you found a great surgeon and have such a wonderful family it will all be good and you will be on road to recovery soon. Praying for you!
2193242 tn?1338398430
I'm a stupid guy as well, We where raised to be the shoulder to cry on, to be tough and stand strong for our families, emotion is not our strong point,  Having something out of our control make us feel usless and we don't know how to react.  I am NOT excuseing men, When my wife wants to know if i'm in pain she asks. She's a nurse & my wife but I don't want her to no the pain I was in so the answer was always "i'm fine" and i'd give a smile.  When my wife tells me what she needs and wants (emotional stuff) it makes it alot easier to comply, no head games.  This is how i'm built, & i LOVE my family with all my heart.  Hang in there you will be just fine. Surgery is the easy part, your asleep, the best sleep you have had in along time. The recovery pain is no worse than the pain you have conquered before surgery.  I hope some of this helps.
2193242 tn?1338398430
P.S.  Recovery pain goes away.
1968463 tn?1374761413
Thanks to you all for responding. I just needed to get this out of my system ...lol. My DH is such a sweet, loving and caring man. I didn't  mean to portray  him in s uch a way a really didn't realize that I did. He was jsut tring not to  upset me more. I do feel better knowing that it is normal "guy " behavior though. Thanks for that. Thank you all for listening. I really was just  rattling off and I actually forgot that I posted this.
It is wonderful to  have such an amazing support family !!! I am so glad that  I ran across this forum when I did. I am  g rateful   for each of you.
2193242 tn?1338398430
You did no such thing in portraying him badly,
1925822 tn?1333709217
Sweetie u didnt write anything bad.dont apologize u just need to share ur thoughts and feelings....and again i tell u its more than normal to feel like that...big hug
1823499 tn?1370093889
Dont you almost wish they would call you the day before and say its time for surgery?! The anxiousness and every emotion flyin thru you is tirin you out honey. Do whatever you can to keep your mind occupied. Before you know it you will be wakin up askin when you c an go home. Lol thats what I did.
620923 tn?1452919248

  I agree u did not portray ur DH in a dim light, to the contrary .....we all used what u said to show u how sometimes men can show their feelings diff, it did not mean nething but to say he was there for u all along.

All u did was express how u were feeling, and that was scared....we all can relate to that....

Hang in there vent when u feel the need and know u r safe in doing so : )
1413972 tn?1305583364
I had surgery nearly 4wks ago after they had cancelled 3 times previous. So i know that feelin, id two smal kids 2 arrange a job i had 2 sort n id recently split from my rock after him admitin he cudnt handle it n the thought of him loosin me scared the crap out of him cus he cudnt do anythin. I told him id *** 7 n half yrs n wasnt ready 2 gi ue up n if anyone  knew me wud hav known that - hes los i gues!as wel im nearly 4wks post op n so far so gud. Im jus dyin 2 get my kids bk n wiv theiqdad hufin looks like iue no choice, so tomora im goin home as bin at me moms so i c how i get on. I aw scared as i  know im guna push meself  n ive gota tel meself not 2.  Im stil on morphine n sicky tabs  n me left side feelsnumb on meheadstil.
1413972 tn?1305583364
Ops wrong buton.

My ns told me u can wil yaself beta n people hav. Everyone is dif n the key is rest!

Gud luck hun n if u wana chat pm me! Id b hapy 2 give my numba.

Im from birmingham bx the way. Incase u wonderd.
Avatar universal
At first I was like"groan, what do I Have to do today" before I have surgery & recover.  Then I realized, this was no way to go into surgery; anxiety prevents healing.
So now I'm pretending that I'm on vacation.  I still have pets to feed, the litter box to empty, and laundry to do, but I'm pretty sure that everything else will work out.  I'm watching lots of comedies and mostly ignoring all the "have tos".  (and there are a lot of them)
1306714 tn?1327260680
Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you, and wanted to say I have come on here lots of times before, during, and after my surgeries and talked to everyone about what was on my mind about everything.  This is what is nice about this forum.  One of us have been where you are at and we can relate and understand.  Always know that is why we are all here to be together on everything.  We are Chairians.  This forum has helped me in my lowest, most frightening times,  and I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.  Do keep busy and all this will be over before you know it.  As someone said above.  Recovery is just as painful as you are feeling now, but when you have this pain after surgery just know that each day your getting yourself closer to a more healthier, less pain free day.  Your in my prayers.

Linda :)
2081753 tn?1334769285
I am sorry to hear all of that. None of it sounds good =( I hate waiting and especially something like that I am afraid that will be my future too. 4wks around to get my CINE MRI. But I hope things get better for you and I hope that the people around you start being more considerate. I hate that people do that to us chairians it makes me want to strap them to a chair and tape their eyes open with explanation and chairian life stores. Hahaha!! Maybe a little crazy but seriously I mean come on people open your dang eyes. Prayers for you and your family way to be understanding compassionate strong and for a safe surgery and fast great recovery. Take care.
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