think my grandson is being abused, please someone help

[grammabamma]

What do I do? My 3 year old grandson visits for 3 days and nights 2 times a month, and if I mention his mother or going home he goes into a panic , says he will stay here and Mommy can go away. When I drive him home, as soon as he sees where we are going he flips out, sobbing and begging me not to take him to Mommy. When he can actually see her, he sobs quietly and appears to be in a trance. This has happened at least a dozen times and is progressively getting worst, if I report it and thy cant prove anything, she will never let me see him again, I no longer sleep at night, Someone PLEASE HELP

[hisnana]

hello i am so sorry. you might not want to hear this but it a true story. follow your heart, no matter how hard it will be. i had the same thing happen to me. i never acted on it when i should have. two years went by and so much happened to my grandson i could not stand for it anymore, i had to turn my daughter in to the police. it has been 7 months since i have seen him. that is not easy. i hurt daily. there are days in which i wished i never said anything but i know she has to stop. now i have filled for guardianship. its in the courts hands. my daughter was found guilty of abuse. its not easy but it had to be done. im fighting my little girl for her son that hurts the most. cant say if it will get easier not sure yet. but the hope i have to see him keeps me going.. good luck and i feel your pain

[RockRose]

Three years old is well old enough to ask him what's going on.  Just ask.  Say I love having you here but you live with mommy.  Is there something happening at that house that you don't like?  Who is his mother?  Your daughter?  Your daughter in law?  Who else is at that house who might be abusing this child?

You could do a crayon art project with him,  "mommy and me" and get him to draw different things he does with mommy - both good and bad.  You could sit and do your own book next to him,  entitled whatever his name is and you,  and do good and bad.  Include when he was sick or scared or injured and a few good things.  Just see what he draws.

A lot of kids STRONGLY prefer one household,  or one caregiver,  and aren't abused.  I see kids in the grocery store screaming if their mom goes into a different aisle and they are left with their dad in the store and the dad is unsuccessfully trying to placate them,  Mommy will be back in a second,  shhh.

[tenkng]

The crayon project is a good idea. CPS needs to be called and you need to call a lawyer.

[Willienichole]

I would call a dr. Perhaps his pediatrician. Something is obviously going on. He may just want to be with you. My 1yr old grandson screams bloody murder when I walk out side and he's inside with mommy. I would also talk to her and they can't tell her who called if you decide to do that to ease your mind. I'm sorry.

[tenkng]

Definitely check into it

[twiggywiggy]

hi this is the same with me and my daughter she has cut me off alltogether from seeing her and my two grandchildren my oldest one is five and the youngest one is just 16 weeks old and she says i am not her grandmother i have tried family mediation but she turned it down now my only hope is to go to court which i cannot afford my grandson cries and is very upset about going back to his moms house she started dating a boy younger than her whome she has just had my youngest grandchild off and my oldest grandson is 5 when he goes to any family members house he cries about not wanting to go home i have seen lots of things my grandson stay biggest part of his time at home in his bedroom and just recently told a member of my family where he stay becuase he is not allowed to see me that his daddy smacks him really hard on the bottom there is sooo much other stuff and my grandson is being pushes out yet again it happened when she was with her ex partner he got ignored and pushed away with them too it was all about the new baby and the middle grandchild my daughter gave away to her ex partner becaue she said she couldnt handle her but i know it was because the new b/f cant handle the kids making noise or playing around as kids do and he gets wortked up hence working my daughter up  because she dont want hiom getting angry i have been to social services and told them everything and they went and told her all that i have said to them and she then cut me out of her life and my grandkids life i am at a loss now because i hear things still from other family members that makes me even more worried that my grandson is being emotionally and mentally neglected and i cant dooo anything whatsover im heartbroken for him

[Leask]

Did you ever get any help did you get to see you grand kids again. Omg we are going through the same. My granddaughter I absolutely loved and I tried to protect her then social serves knocked on my door so I told them yes she's neglected by her parents and abused. Cps went and told parents so parents cut me off help. Since cps have been Involved she has suffered worse things in her life and no one will help save her

[LostGS1]

What happened in court?  I am filing for guardianship as well.  My daughter just wants to party all the time.  She is vicious to my Grandson, God help these children.  CPS has been engaged, police engaged, somehow they do not see through her.  God help me to help my Grandson.  I have letters, written statements, school engaged how do I help this child why does t anyone care?

[Emily_MHManager]

Hi everyone -

This thread is several years old now, and while we hope grammabamma will come back and update us, she may not see your responses.

Thanks for trying to help, and we appreciate everyone responding.

Emily

[concerned139]

Be careful of therapist. As I stated previously, child said Mother's boyfriend was jumping on his bottom and was talking about boyfriend's toy. I asked him to draw b\f toy and he drew a penis. This was just one of the things child said and did. Told Child's Mother what Child was saying and doing. Child's Mother took child to therapist. After she saw the child, I text the Child's Mother and asked if she had made her assessement, was told she had and said nothing was going on. I wanted to talk to therapist to show her picture Child had drawn and all the other things Child had said and done. As I said she already had her mind made up and hardly looked or listened to what I had to say. She said, "And you believe (child's name)? I said, "Of course I do."  She said, "Why would you?" Now Mother and therapist say I'm nuts for thinking anything is going on and now I don't get to keep him anymore.

[WonderMom777]

P.s. check this out..
www.kidsmatterinc.org/ChildAbuse

[WonderMom777]

Hello.
     First, I would just like to say I’m sorry that you are going though this. Just an FYI you do have grandparent rights legally that you could file for. In addition, if you really want to get to the bottom of this, I would suggest a safe house interview. This is done by a trained child behaviorist. They work with the kids in a play setting record the interview while a detective watches. If you make a official police report and if they tell baloney about  more evidence, New Mexico has prime examples what happens to a system that fails to help, I would threaten to go to the News reporters if they refuse to help.
      Now I understand that this could be a simple as he doesn’t want to go home, but if in your heart you fear that its more, then you must do more to help all those babies!!! As for your son, consumed about an affair think it’s time to get his priorities straight (KIDS first THEM second), and mamma you’re just the mom for the job.
      Please if you feel abuse is the case PLEASE FIGHT the Fight for them, this world has to many lost souls innocents turned to hate and violence that could have been avoided had someone took a stand for them. Do what you think is right. Learn your rights legally and fight for their innocence. If mom and dad are being to consumed in their own issues, what about their babies. Everyone has relationship problems no one is perfect, but has a parent allowing that to take priority over the kids is a cry for HELP!!!
You will do the right thing, you’ll see god will open the doors, you just have to walk though them. :)

[gr8dragon]

do it in a way she will not notice. you know the pop can or writing pen camera with the kid.  Do you ever go inside the house because this is a better get something in.  Do the boys sleep in the same room. if so, the old video camera in the book trick should work and all you have to do is have big boy bring it back to you whenever he comes so you can view the video on the sd card.

[concerned139]

Going through same thing. Child said mom's boyfriend jumping on his bottom and many things point to abuse. Told child's mom. She took child to therapist.  Therapist said I am nuts and chilld not being abused. Therapist made her assessment before talking to both parties involved. I could tell she had her mind made up   and did not listen to what I was saying. Everyone say CPS also puts children in danger. What in the hell are you supposed to do? Boyfriend has everyone fooled ESPECIALLY child's mother and therapist.

[margypops]

Best really to make a new thread ..these old one get very embroiled ...

[forgrandsonssafty]

wow this was awhile ago. was wondering how it all worked out? i am in some what same issue would love some advice.....

[RockRose]

I think videotaping is a really good idea.  

Best wishes.  It sounds like you're really trying hard to help.

[grammabamma]

At this point my son is ineffective at almost everything, he is so obsessed with her affair, he no longer works to provide an income, so they are on welfare and whatever other handouts they can get. This is a big reason why I take the boys for 3or 4 days 2 times a month. We had a custody lawyer look into her previous custody with her older child and he said yhat when he looked into it the records were "sealed", meaning, whatever  happened the courts decided that they would not mae available to protect one or more of the people involved. He also indicated that thi is not uncommon in abuse cases. I am thinking about videotaping his next return visit home to be sure that I  am not overreacting

[RockRose]

gramma,    I think this amount  of neglect and coldness is enough to make him resistant to going over there.  Since there wasn't any evidence of abuse on the secretly recorded tapes,  my guess is what is going on is emotional neglect.    That, and the atmosphere in the home is probably pretty prickly with their marriage problems.

Does your son not know why she lost her daughter through the courts?    He really sounds pretty ineffective at making sure his kids are taken care of . . . good that you're there to help and provide some stability.

[grammabamma]

The cheating has nothing to do with the abuse. It was only mentioned to explain why my son was recording her. They live in a 3 room apartment, so it is unlikely that she would play with the baby in the living/dining/ kitchen, but hide in the bathroom to play wih the 3 year old. Additionally, she has a 7 year old from a previous marraige that she lost custody of for unknown reasons as the file had been sealed. This has a long history that has slowly uncovered itself in the past 6 months. She has madeit clear that she loves babies and really wants nothing to do with any child over the age of 2.

[Jen8950]

Well just b/c she cheated doesn't mean she is abusing her son. I mean really thats a strong allegation. If he really felt it then why doesn't he leave her with the 2 kids. and go to court.
Did he have tapes all over the house, maybe she walked into another room and played with the kids. I mean it's kinda hard to say she has no interaction with a child b/c you can't hear it on a recorder.
Is the mom the biological mother?

[tenkng]

If she is cheating then most likely she doesn't make time for the children.

[Nanny59]

tenkng, I strongly agree with every comment you have made thus far.

[grammabamma]

Several months ago my son, the boys dad and mothers husband, caught her cheating. He set up a recorder (no video) to listen to her phone calls. He told me that she was always playing with the 18 month old , but in several 8 hours tapes, had almost no interaction with the 3 year old. She found the recorder, destroyed it and all the tapes

[RockRose]

gramma,  is this woman the child's biological mother,  and she is married to your son,  who is the child's biological dad - is that what the relationship is?

How does he know how she treats the boy "when no one else is around"?  Does he mean when just the three of them are there she doesn't pay any attention to him at all?  Or does he have some way to know that she literally ignores him when it's just the mother and little boy?

I think that in itself would make him scream he doesn't want to go there.  If he literally isn't getting ANY care or attention - and is perhaps being made to stay in his room even -

[tenkng]

Get some help for that child.

[gia666]

hi well you never stated what type of abuse you felt yoru grandson was going through or you think he is going through however if you think he is being sexually abused my advice to you is take him to the nearest hospital and get it checked out if you think he is being abused by getting hit then call the authorities i mean if your feel that strongly about it then do something either take the child to the doctors or call cps and they will do an investigation better safe than sorry however just because he wants to stay with you and not go back home doesn't mean he's being abused maybe he doesn't like the rules and if you still think he is being abused and it turns out he's not then be prepared to face the consequences with the parents good luck in your decision

[tenkng]

That's right   better safe than sorry. Have it checked out. If they keep the kid away from you then seek legal help.

[grammabamma]

I agree with some of what you say, and will try doing the crayon thing. I have tryed talking to him but when I tell him Mommy loves you and wouldmiss you if you stayed here, he gets upset and says Mommy no love me! And the crying when being left only happens when he is going to Mommys house when Daddy is not home. I have dropped off at freinds and other family members when she could not be there. Also, other family members have witnessed and were all shocked at his behavior. I have talked to my son, and he agrees that she ignores him when no one else is around, but he loves her and as long as she dosent physically hurt him I dont think he will do anything.

[tenkng]

There is also such a thing as emotional abuse.

[Rivergrammy]

YES: YES

[Jen8950]

I do agree with 91004, my son used to throw a fit when my husbands mom would bring him home and I did not abuse my son. He just liked staying with g'ma b/c she'd let him get away with stuff mommy and daddy wouldn't.

[tenkng]

Not a good answer. Just because you say there isn't any abuse doesn't mean that's true.

[Rivergrammy]

The child is telling the truth, and exhibits all symptoms of severe emotional abuse..coercive abuse is worse than ..bruises.. It's his psyche for life!!