10 year old son has rude, disrespectful behavior

[sandra5263]

Our 10 year old son is exceptionally rude, grumpy and disrespectful and defiant at home.  This tends to peak at half years, ie, has always been worse at 9 1/2 years of age than at 9 or at 10.  We've noticed this pattern since he was a toddler.  I've read lots of books, consulted with the school counselor, a Developmental Psychologist, etc. but we can't seem to get a handle on this.  School is a different story and always has been.  He is a wonderful student, a leader, teachers enjoy him and have great things to say about him.  They are always shocked when I share the difficulty that we experience at home.  None of this behavior is ever displayed at school.  He has many friends, plays sports and guitar.  He is a welcome guest at play dates.  Parents of his friends often comment on his polite behavior and again, are always surprised if I share details of his behavior at home.  

We also have an 8 year old son who does not display these same types of behavior.  Regarding our family life, these children have been raised in a stable, loving, 2 parent family.  We have many close friends and family members.  Everyone is puzzled by this kid, but again, the behaviors only occur within our immediate family.  Never, ever with friends or relatives.  

We are at our wits end.  When he's pleasant, he's so much fun to be around.  I've always said that he's 85% great but the 15% that hard is absolutely grueling.  With everything we've tried, we've never really made any significant difference.  We will have periods of relative peace which can last for a couple of months, but we can never pinpoint why this happens.  Just as we can never know what really sets him off.  

So.....what to do?  Grounding has not helped.  Taking things away doesn't seem to matter.   Talking about the impact of his behavior on other people, ie us, doesn't seem to matter to him.  He seems never to have remorse, just anger when consequences are imposed.  

Any ideas will be appreciated.  Thanks so very much.
Sandra

[lmoe1211]

Please help us! Having the very same problems. What in the world is wrong.

[Mthr925]

Hello.....i was curious if ur situation ever improved? My comment is at the end but my 11 yr old son is getting more rude and disrespectful by the day and he also plays gta5 and call of duty. In my heart i know these games contribute to his attitude but like you, all his friends play online and i work full time and just gave him everything he wanted for Christmas and sometimes it's just easier to give in and try to make evryone happy. Except myself! I sound pathetic but i started telling him tonight if his attitude doesn't improve I'm taking the game away bc that's part of the problem. Of course he got annoyed and denied it.

[Mthr925]

Omg.....this is my 11 yr old son exactly. When i take away his electronics he is nice for a day or two bc he wants them back. Same exact scenario, perfect at school and sports, only shows anger at home. I tell him I'm putting him into anger mgt and he gets madder. I can't get through to him. Frustrating beyond belief.

[honeyjou]

Hi, I wanted to share some of my findings with anyone interested. I am in similar situation as some of you. My 7 y/o son is highly energetic and is frequently reactive/impulsive in behaviour, which often affects his ability to think before he acts and therefore makes plenty of inappropriate choices - including rude comments etc. But then there are times he is calm and wonderful. His eldest sister is at the other end of the scale - polite and responsible.

I found the ODD article above (http://www.yourfamilyclinic.com/ODD/ODD.html) a good read. Picked up a few tips. I have also considered ADHD as a possibility explanation (and may need look into that further) but for now, knowing he has reactive/impulsiveness tendencies, I have decided to try out some suggestions on the pages below that relates to improving the symptoms of certain disorders/ behavioural issues (such as ADHD) through avoidance of certain foods.

I know food allergies/sensitivities is not something new. For some time now we have avoided foods that contain for eg. artificial colours/flavours thinking it affected both my son's and middle daughter's hyperactivity levels. But reading further, I am wondering whether his frequent consumption of foods like apple, orange, mandarin, grape etc, affects him. So, for a couple of days now, I have decided to also cut out/minimise his intake of foods especially containing salicylates (which the above fruits he ate almost daily  contains high to very high amounts of). It's still very early days but I noticed over the weekend with those above foods removed from his 'diet', he is noticeably less argumentative or discourteous and much more rational. Could be coincidental - don't want to be blindly hopeful, but will continue and see how it goes.

This is just my experiences so far. Everyone is different, so no promises. But have a read to see if it's something you may need to consider. Wish you all the best.

http://www.feingold.org/what.php
http://www.feingold.org/salicylate.php
http://salicylatesensitivity.com/about/food-guide/commercial-snacks/

[Linziw22]

this is my 1st visit to this site, I have to say im so relieved that others are experiencing the same issues with their kids as we are with ours. I have a son who's nearly 11 years old, and to say he's being very challenging at the moment would be an understatement! I work fulltime and can honestly say I do not look forward to going home at night or weekends because my sons attitude is so disgusting. I was starting to think it's something we're doing wrong or that he just hates me. I know realise after reading these comments that its not us.

[SUW12266]

I have a son that is 10 and he acts this way. His Dad died when he was 5 so I dont believe that disrespect is the ONLY thing but may play a part.