10 yr old Sexual Exploration

[hismother]

My son just turned 10 yrs old and yesterday my grandmother advised that she walked in on my son and his 5 yr old cousin (boy) involved in some kind of sexual act. She stated that my son was on his back clothed and his younger cousin had his privates with his pants down in my sons face. And thats pretty much all she could see. She seperated them and tried to get what was actually going on. And all she got was the blame game. My son is much older and should know better than a 5 yr old. I have questioned him several times and he says that they were playing doctor. He said that his cousin just started to do that and he told him to stop. Im not sure if this is the Truth or not??? I asked him if his penis was in his mouth and he told me no it was on his mouth. I continued to explain to him that this never happens at the doctors office and shouldnt be considered okay behavior. Everyone is pretty upset including me and I am not sure what should be my next steps. I've asked my son if this happened to him before and he said when he was seven another child which is his age did it to him and he told him to get away from him. He never really sees this child and believe me never will again. Im not sure how far this recent incident went but am dumb founded on what should be my next step. I wouldnt want this to happen again. To him or someone else. Is it curiousity gone too far or should I be worried. My parents advised me to see a therapist.....my son already has self esteem issues and is ADD (mild case). He's not really a happy child and is always upset about everything. Hes a sweet child, but is immature for his age. It's very hard to make him happy even if its his idea he will find something to whine or cry about. Never satisfied. HELP what should I do?????

[Cleveland Mom]

I agree that allegations of sexual activity between children should be taken seriously.  At the same time, its not abnormal or unusual for children to engage in sex play.  We need to be realistic about that.  It can be damaging to chastise a child without knowing what the complete circumstances are.  If there are concerns about sex abuse, the child protective services needs to be contacted and the child offender and victime need treatment.

[koukla29]

Glad to hear that things are getting better for you and your children.

I am a strong believer in ruling out anything inappropriate when it comes to children because you seriously never know.  If a flag comes up, I never tell a parent to ignore it.  Maybe it's because I've seen a lot of true molestation/sexual abuse case scenarios with the same flags.  Best of luck to you both.      

[mommyof2boys35]

I agree with Cleveland Mom.  I'm going thru a similar situation right now, mine's a little differant my kids are 3 and 5 but the accusations made by my 3yr olds dad are similar.  He brought me to court over it saying my 5 yr old was sexually abusing him.  Needless to say, it got thrown out of court.  Children are curious, especially younger children.  I would not say at all that this should be considered sexual abuse or molestation.  Again, I agree with Cleveland Mom about dealing with the self esteem, try and get him in for some counceling for that.  
I would however let your son's cousins parents know about the situation so they are aware of it and can redirect is behavior and possibly talk to him about what happened.  If you are still concerned with the situation, let me know.  I have some very good information that I got from a lisenced sexual abuse therapist.  She was highly recommended by the judge in my case, I can let ya know some of the things she said pertaining to child behaviors such as described in your post.  Best wishes.

[Cleveland Mom]

I can imagine that you are upset about this.  Please, don't make too big of a deal about it.  Kids are curious about their sexuality and its not unusual for them to engage is sex play.  Since you feel he has low self-esteem, its very important that you focus on that.  Its easier to deal with low-self esteem prior to the teen years as oppossed to during or after.  Talk to your son's doctor about a referral for a child/family therapist.  Smart parents no when they cannot handle certain issues with their kids and seek appropriate help.  Best wishes...

[koukla29]

It sounds like your son would greatly benefit from seeing a therapist.  Please take him to someone who specializes in child development and play therapy.  This is not normal exploration, and has been taught to him.  As a result, he is mimicking the behavior on the younger cousin.  This is a sign of sexual abuse/molestation.  

In addition, you are describing a child who is acting out and has multiple issues that he is dealing with on a daily basis.  Therapy can greatly help him.  He has the right to live a happy childhood.  Best wishes to you and your family.  

PS. Although this is a sensitive thing that you have learned, thank god that your family walked in on the children and were able to share this is information with you now, so that you can get help for your son.