10 yr old boy refuses to do school

[tdleopold]

I feel like I have failed as a parent to my son.  Where did I go wrong?  My son is a sweet considerate boy most of the time and the rest of the time WOW where do I start.  I had to pull chase from public school last year due to the fact that he wasn't getting any work done at school and the teacher wanted me to have him do it at home plus homework.  She refused to help him individually.  I had him tested at the school and found out that his IQ is above average and Genius in some areas.  We started out this year doing really well he was gunho, ready to get his grade level up from a first grade level to at least third or fourth.  For some reason the last two months have been Hell.  He goes to a learning academy monday all day working with teachers on the basic subjects and goes three days a week for an hour to the resource room.  He hasn't been following instructions and not completing work at school, seems to be goofing off big time.  At home its crazy,  he has become disrespectfull to me he refuses to do any school work.  When I disapline him he shuts down, wont talk, wont do anything.  I've talked to the doc about add or adhd and they don't think thats his problem.  We have watched his diet you know the sugar, red dye, etc.  I love my son so much but when he gets in these moods it kills me.  I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of being ignored, I'm tired of repeating things over and over again.  I'm tired of being disrespected from my 10 year old, what can I do?

[Sandman2]

Sorry, didn't realize this post was almost a year old.

[Sandman2]

    He tests at the high intellectual level, yet functions at below grade level in most subjects.  That is called a discrepancy in learning levels and is grounds for special ed. help.  What kind of doctor did you go to who said he doesn't have ADHD/ADD.  Did they do any testing?  Were there any forms you filled out?  
   I think you need to go see a pediatric psychologist or psychiatrist.  You are in way over your head and you need some professional help for him.  It is sad that his teacher last year treated him the way she did, but did she have any reason to treat him any differently than any other kid who is not doing their work?  If you don't ask for a study team and testing, the teacher just assumes that he is lazy and it sounds like a lot more than that is going on.  Frankly, the situation is only going to get worse - unless you can get some help.
     I would highly recommend you get Sandra Rief’s "How to Reach and Teach Children with ADD/ADHD".  Its probably one of the best, most practical and up-to-date books out there. It has a lot of schooling hints on working with kids.  Also go to the ADHD forum (where I post a lot) and hit the blue ADHD link at the top of the page for more information.  I can suggest more resources if you need them, but you really seriously need more information - both for your self and for your son.
     A very common trait that develops along with (or is caused by) ADHD/ADD is ODD (oppositional defiant disorder).  About 30 to 65% of AD kids also have this.  It sounds like your son is well on his way to ODD, which makes getting him help even more important.

[hdmom3]

Hi, I am new to this online community and just looked up the homeschooling tag. Your comments are the first I've read. I see it's been a year. How are things?

[tdleopold]

He is ten but he doesn't do his schoolwork.  He only works with teachers for 8 hours a week at the school, he started this year 4th grade with a 1st grade reading and writing level (since I homeschooled him for 1st grade and put him back into school for 2nd and part of 3rd.... hmmm you do the math) In this year I have pulled him up to a 3rd grade reading and writing level and we are working on 5th grade math (the one subject he is really good at) He has gymnastics on thurs. IF he does schoolwork.  We have a trampoline in back that he loves, he rides his bike and skateboards with his sister and his freinds, we have family game night, I sit and read to him and his sister everynight.  He has been on a break now for over a month........pretty much since christmas vacation which was extended due to the massive amount of snow we got right before christmas he is just having a hard time getting back into the school stuff.  I even try to make it fun, games, art, researching on the web, even learning games online.  I am just at my wits end and I don't want it to affect my kids or my husband but how do I do that?

[margypops]

Ask him and listen to him..maybe , dont repeat things over and over to him,it is probably causing him anxiety and hence he shuts down, too much.. take a step back and see it from his perspective, He is ten and he seems to be doing a lot of work and homework , does he play sports and get chance to relax, is Dad involved with Games and fun. Think like he is , feel how he may feel , let him take a break and he may be ready to go again, "Following Instructions' sounds tough to do all the time,