School is out now, my son is going to a tutor for math and the tutor says he's giving it 100%. I'm still having problems with him doing the small assignments the tutor gives on his own. I'm constantly telling him he needs to do it on this day and at this time. He belly aches and says he "forgets" how to do the problems. I'm angry with him for making my life revolve around him, at 11 I was hoping to have some freedom. I have to tell him every morning to follow a list I wrote up of his morning routine. I had to beg my employer to let me come in later because my son isn't responsible enough to get himself on the bus. BTW what is the normal age for this? Is there a medical reason why he just doesn't get it and do it. I find myself yelling at him about the same things and feeling that he is just hopeless.
I am having this problem with my ADHD daughter, to some extent. We do have school agendas, but the teachers in middle school have told me that the child is expected to remember to bring it to the teacher to be signed, the teacher will not remember for her. I tried to explain that she has what amounts to a short term memory problem and they really can't expect her to remember this, but they refused to help. You will run into problems once your child goes to middle school. Definitely get something else in place that does not rely on the child to transmit information to you. Of course, make it a fall back - if he knows that you are going to get the homework assignment anyway, he is not going to bother to write it down. There are other alternatives - homework buddies in each class, teacher posted websites, but these are only as good as a teacher's motivation to update it, special phone numbers where a teacher can record the day's homework and anyone can call in to hear it.
Treat him like a liar, Dont trust what he says, ask him, but question it, keep constant contact with teacher...it will stop sooner or later...
In September it will be important to tighten up on the requirements around (a) recording his assignments and (b) bringing home with him whatever materials, particularly books, he requires for his assignments. If it's necessary, ask his teacher to sign off each day on his agenda book. It's important that you not be left holding the bag, so to speak. You need to know what he's been assigned, so that you can monitor his work. The 'work before play' approach is sensible - keep on doing that. Each day, he should have access to his electronic devices once he demonstrates that he has completed the work. Do this a day at a time. If you take away privileges for stretches of time you lose your leverage. Also, you might ask the school to establish a homework line parents can call to learn about the homework each day. An alternative to this is a web site that lists the same information. Many schools are now doing these things - it's a major help to parents!