One of the problems is that you said, "These methods only work for a day or less then she don't don't care any more." First, this is pretty classic stuff - make the parents feel like it isn't working and they will try something else - and after awhile they give up.
You are trying to change a behavior. If it is a learned behavior, it doesn't change overnight. Experts say that it will take about 3 weeks of constant cause and effect - for the kid to get the message - and change. Remember that you are trying to change something that has been going on for quite awhile. Its like trying to break a habit - try and do that overnight. A good book that describes in detail how to change these behaviors is, "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.
You said that she also has this behavior at school. How are her grades? Is she intelligent and manipulating the system, ie. good grades, but poor citizenship? Or is she intelligent, but not doing well? Or does she struggle with everything she does? What do her teachers say. What did her teachers last year say. They have the advantage of seeing a lot of kids. If she was really bad at school, I would think that they would have been looking at some testing - unless, of course, she was doing well academically.
Essentially, you really haven't given enough information to pin down the problem. It could range from ADHD to a kid bright enough to manipulate those around her, to other ------
OK, wait, I just read your post where you said, " She has been this way for several years now and seen Doctors, therapist and other resources and all they want to do is drug her up, they don't understand that I think this is a life style choice that she is making because the medication makes it worse. This has been going on since she was about 5 or 6 years old and I still can't find a solution. "
This is classic ADHD reaction by doctors. If it is ADHD, it is NOT a lifestyle choice. She has no choice in what she is doing. You do. YOU need to find out more about ADHD. The fastest way is this link - http://www.medhelp.org/medical-information/show/2157/Attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-ADHD?page=1#sec_3761
I would also highly suggest you immediately order the book - "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley. So you can find out that there are other ways besides drugging your child. You need to look into behavioral therapy. Its not a lot different than what I was talking about in the first paragraph - - it will work with ADHD kids, it just takes a lot longer.
One other thought, you blame all this on a life style choice- 5 year old kids don't make lifestyle choices. 11 year olds- still pretty early, but by 14 - definitely. You don't have a lot of time left! So far nothing you have tried has apparently worked. Don't you think its time to try something else? Research ADHD - Its not that there are more solutions than just drugs, its that the whole way of effective discipline changes. Find a pediatric psychiatrist that is willing to spend time with you and your child. There is not an easy over night fix, but it can be done. Good Luck