14 yo boy to clingy to Mom

[Hazardman]

Is it right that my girl friends 14 yo son clings to his mom?  She constantly has to ask him to quit leaning or laying over on her. He's constantly hugging and kissing on her. She has a 10 year old daughter that is like most 10 year old girls with girl friends that come spend the day or night on a weekend or she goes to one of her friends home to visit. She'll give her mom a hug or kiss and go about her business.  The boy never associates with guy friends or visits with or has a friend over.  He acts out like a small child, very sissyfied sometimes and family members as well as friends have insinuated he could be gay, I've wonder myself.  It is allright that a young man hang all over their mom hugging and kissing on her, challenging her most every request (smart mouthing) as well as plain ignore a request for help with chores.  I'm very concerned, She says he still asks to be tucked in bed some nights and sometimes at night will slip in bed with her when she is asleep? I live in an attached garage apartment so I'm not privy to bedtime for them. A few months ago, during a conversation, I was able to bring up the topic of her family members concern about his sissyness and she became defensive which, is what I expected. Most moms would. Any help or opinions?

[JFT1212]

I can relate!! I have a friend whose 13 year old son is exactly the same.  Always hugging and kissing her and holding her hand during movies.  I found it very strange and uncomfortable.  He's been diagnosed with autism and aspergers and I feel like he's way too dependent on her.  He doesn't really have any other friends and is very anti-social.  She takes him everywhere and I think she's happy to have someone to do things with all the time. But I think it's very unhealthy and she should be encouraging him to make some friends.

[Sandman2]

JFT, the problem is that you do not understand what autism does to a child.  The go into a defensive mode and retreat to a safe place.  There is nothing more safe to many kids then their mom.  Yes, he probably is very dependent on her.  If he did not have autism, it probably would be unhealthy.  But, he does have autism, and this helps him cope.  If you want, I can send you info on autism so that you have a better idea of what they are going through.

[specialmom]

I think kids mature at different times.  My 13 year old is fairly immature.  He is my social butterfly though with a lot of friends.  While he doesn't do it when WITH his friends, he does hold my hand and hug me a LOT.  Not autistic.  :>)  

But from having a child with a neurological developmental delay, I totally agree that moms are safe.  I am my son's safe place.  We were at a track meet and a boy said to my son when I was looking for him and found him "oh, mom's are so embarrassing.".  My son just stared at him and then took my hand and was like "nah, my mom's not".  As my sons have gotten older, I allow them to mature at their own pace.  I'm there for them.  Often quietly in the background in case they need me.  But I represent safety and support.  And some kids do need that more than others.  Telling kids to go make friends is a lot easier to say than to make happen.  For some kids, relationships for peers is a challenge.  And if you don't know the struggles that a family goes through, it's probably best to not judge. Autism is a whole different level of challenge and sadly, kids who look like everyone else on the outside but are not within are not cut any slack.  We see someone with a physical disability and it is understood they may have challenges but those with an inward disability rarely gets that same treatment.  Not really fair.   My 2 cents.  

[Wootheshrink]

Most likey he don't have a daddy in his life or he is just very spoiled and yes she will get defensive that is a big part of the problem in it's self.

[Wootheshrink]

I mean to say all boys who have no dad influence in there life act like this and most time it is the woman's fault because they give in to them...and when a step dad comes into play it's very hard on him and he hall's ***

[Niknak1974]

I have a son who is now 18 years old, but when he was 14 he was the same way, he still called my mommy and would come and lay on me when I was sitting at the tv, or come up and rub my back when I was cooking etc.  It seemed like a lot of dependency and he wouldn't go to a counselor so I did, and it had a lot to do with the seperation from his father.  He was confused as to his role after the father left.  This lasted until my son was about 16.5 and slowly got better.  I no longer tuck him in and he no longer sits half on me.  It takes some time and mom getting a little tougher on him acting like a baby.  Unfortunately my son and I ended up having a big argument at first and he was upset and wouldn't talk to me for a couple of weeks, and then we had to do some rebuilding.

I am very sure that my son who now has friends his own age, and his first girlfriend that he is far from gay.  I would bet that this boy too just needs some boundary's and maybe some counseling (I chose not to push counselling with my son, but would push if I had it to do over).  Good luck, it is a confusing time for boys.

[aid821]

It sounds as though your girl friends son has high levels of anxiety. Mum is his security blanket and anything outside of her, he's unsure about and probably scares him. As you you probably know, as soon as kids become teenagers, they begin to want alot more space away from their parents, don't want to be seen around parents, and instead be around their friends. It's possible he has problems socialising or making friends (lack of confidence?) and maybe this makes school hard for him?

Obviously she has to start encouraging him to be more independant, not tucking him in of a night etc. it might be worth seeing what's going on at school, if there's any problems there too. I don't think he's gay, i think he's just immature for his age, and the actions/way he talks aren't age approprite for his age, maybe this is why people/family thinks he's gay. Plus i don't think that's really important to focus on at the moment, as he'll work it his sexuality in time. good luck :)