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Avatar universal

2 Year old Making her self throw up when dad leaves her at daycare

I have a 2 yo daycare girl that screams and crys and actually makes herself throw up when her dad leaves her here.  She is perfectly fine a few minutes later and she does NOT do this when her mom brings her.  I think she has seperation anxiety and her dad is making it worse by consoling her and picking her up, then telling her he is leaving, and picking her up again when she crys.  He stayed for over 15 minutes today.  What can I try to make things better for her?  I even told the parents to try a new daycare and they don't want to so I am guessing that she does some of this at home to.
110 Responses
Avatar universal
My son did this same thing we he started daycare. It was very hard on me to leave him and i would want to sit there with him until he calmed down. One of the caretakers finally suggested that i go ahead and leave even with him crying (to the point of making himself sick) They would tell me that he would calm down shortly after me leaving. So.....finally i listened (hard thing to do lol) left and stood outside the door observing where he couldn't see me. Within a few moments he stopped crying and was playing with the other children. One day he had stopped crying but i didnt move from the door quick enough and he saw me. He started crying again and I truely realized then that it was me. It is very hard for parents to not "parent" if that makes sense. Maybe suggest that he try this.....so he can see that his child is truely ok. I hope this helps a little.
535822 tn?1443980380
Kristy in the above Post is correct, and that is absolutly the way to go, Children after a few mins go to play with the others, the little Tinkers ! I think its all put on to make Parents feel sad ,and it works doesnt it, Dads are just as soft when it comes to it. So tell him to go in Give her a big Hug then go,!!
171768 tn?1324233699
it's all about routine. right now, her routine is to do this with dad. her routine is different with mom. the above posters are correct- you need to get him to leave. encourage him to stand nearby so that he himself can hear that you are telling the truth- that she calms down shortly after he leaves.

you can also encourage them to start a new routine. when i had toddlers, a sensitive little girl and her dad had a cute routine- a kiss, a hug, and a high-five. always in that order. then dad would leave. the end. once it became a regular routine, it was special to them, and drop-offs were much easier.
13167 tn?1327197724
This thread makes me feel sick to my stomach.  It IS all about routine,  and the baby knowing that parents are about to drop and run, and that makes kids stop crying because it doesn't help.

Babies are meant to be with their parents,  is the thing.  But,  you can train them to not cry if you drop and run.

So drop and run.  That's the way to dull them to this separation.
Avatar universal
RockRose must be fortunate enough to not have to make a living or provide for her family. To post a comment like that one is completely ignorant in my opinion. "Train them so you can drop and run" "dull them to the seperation"????? So whenever a child has no social skills because he or she has been with Mom 24/7 and doesn't know how to interact or deal with things outside the home.....maybe she will wish that she cut the cord a little bit.
171768 tn?1324233699
im not even going to counter what you said in your post because I feel it is a bit inappropriate for you to bring this debate to this thread. I do feel the stay at home vs. working mom debate is valid, and that all opinions are welcome when that is the question at hand. in general, i do not agree with your views on this topic and feel they are dated, but when revelvant, it is your place to express your views. You did not contribute anything but drama to this particular thread, especially given the wording you chose. it is a care provider looking for insight into how to help a child in her care. it is not a parent asking if she should take out her child. it is not any of us telling someone to put their child into daycare and go back to work. You contribute so much to many of these forums, but i wonder, how is anything you said helpful to the original poster?
165308 tn?1323190145
I remember apologizing to you once on this site for my harsh answer to one of your comments.  Now I realize that I was right and I take back that apology.  You have no right to judge anyone unless you have walked in her shoes. And if you do have an opinion to state either chose the right and appropriate words or please keep them to yourself.
13167 tn?1327197724
Sorry to be so offensive.  

This is the reality.  Children are bonded to their parents,  and when they are dropped off,  they often scream and cry for awhile.  Parents are also bonded to their children,  and they often grab and hug the children.

The society we have right now,  where babies and toddlers are dropped off in the morning and picked up by harried parents in the evening,  isn't the way it was intended by nature.  

I know I look hateful for pointing this out,  but that's the reality of the situation.  Children don't want to be separated all day from their parents.  

I'm not apologizing for stating what is reality.
13167 tn?1327197724
Tiredbuthappy,  my post was helpful,  I think.

If you want your child to scream less,  drop and run.  The more the separation is prolonged,  and the parent returns for goodbyes,  the more the child screams.

Drop and run.  That is the solution for this dad.  Plop this kid down on the floor,  turn,  and walk away swiftly.  I swear,  the child will scream less.  

And that is the most helpful,  and actually true,  advise I can give.
152852 tn?1205717026
I agree with RR.  It's an ugly truth, but the truth nonetheless.  When you leave a child crying as a result of separation, the child will eventually realize that crying is futile--they aren't going to get what they want/need and they will give up and stop.  It's simple conditioning.  This is why crying it out at night "works".  But the child doesn't suddenly become independent and realize they are fine without you, they just finally come to the realization that you aren't coming when they cry and they give up.

But if leaving them is what you must do (for whatever reason), it's much kinder to not go back and try to reassure--it will only intensify things.  It will get worse because they will think there may be some hope of getting to be with you.  So in this situation, if not leaving a child is not an option, it sounds like drop and run is the best advice you're going to get.
165308 tn?1323190145
Yes, drop and run is correct.  I have been a kindergarten teacher (now second) and that is exactly what I had the parents do.  The longer they stayed and tried to calm and reassure the child, the worse the situation becomes.

However, there are ways of stating an opinion without having parents who truly love their children feel like they neglect them.  Yes, lots have changed.  When I was a child my mom stayed home, but we also were able to go outside and play with the neighborhood children.  Kind of like "Leave it to Beaver".  However, our WORLD has changed in more ways than just needing double incomes.  Even if I was a stay at home mom, I would probably have my child go to some sort of daycare, day camp,whatever you want to call it, to learn how to socialize.  Neighborhoods are not the neighborhoods that we grew up in.  Everything our children do today has to be organized and planned, play dates, Mommy and Me, LIbrary Hour, etc.  I know many moms who are stay at home, and if they do not socialize their children their children have a very difficult time relating to peers and other adults later on when they reach school age.  So what is the answer?  I do not know.  I just know that as a working mom I do the best I can as well as all the moms on this site.  I do not feel it is needed to be berated by those with different views.  We are all in this together and are here to support each other.  We are all trying to raise our children to be happy, independent and caring adults.

Are things perfect. No.  But we all do what we must in today's world.
13167 tn?1327197724
Suzi,  I don't think it's a good thing to sugar coat things you feel strongly about.

I also don't agree that the world is a different place than it was last generation.  We have more doodads,  we're all still human and that has remained completely constant.

I noticed,  as a teenager,  that my grandmother could give me great advice about how to understand boys.  Because teenage  boys at the turn of the century were the same creatures as teenage boys in the 1970's.

I think one of the worst messages we can send our children,  and the most erroneous message,  is that the world is completely and totally changed in their generation - it gives them the false sense that they don't know what to expect in their adult lives.   Many generations (the 60's,  for example) felt like they were COMPLETELY different.  They weren't.  Nor are the children of the 80s.  They just want to think that.  

We are all in this together,  that's true,  and sometimes the best way to support each other is to express disapproval to people who don't recognize they're making mistakes.   ;D  
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