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2 Year old Making her self throw up when dad leaves her at daycare
I have a 2 yo daycare girl that screams and crys and actually makes herself throw up when her dad leaves her here. She is perfectly fine a few minutes later and she does NOT do this when her mom brings her. I think she has seperation anxiety and her dad is making it worse by consoling her and picking her up, then telling her he is leaving, and picking her up again when she crys. He stayed for over 15 minutes today. What can I try to make things better for her? I even told the parents to try a new daycare and they don't want to so I am guessing that she does some of this at home to.
Well, I just had an epiphany. I hope it comes across clearly.
I had (have) great parents. They're still married after 50 years, and my husband also has great parents, married 52 years. Both of us were raised lovingly, with fun mothers who loved being with us and were good wives and mothers. Home was very important, and I have warm memories of my childhood and my stay at home mother, as does my husband. When I speak to my children, my mother's words come out my mouth all by themselves (we all do that, thank God my words are loving and caring). I hear my mother's voice in my voice when I speak to my children, and I have been shown a good pattern to follow, I can't imagine how different my life would have been in daycare, but I did get a taste of it on Thursday mornings at the Base Nursery when my mom played bridge. I used to sit on the care workers foot and cry the whole time I was there - I remember it clearly.
Like young people who think marriage is unimportant because they've seen their parents go throught multiple meaningless bad partnerships, I think maybe people who didn't have loving home lives with attentive mothers in their preschool years also think staying at home is unimportant - because for them, it wasn't happy.
So. Maybe that's it. You had to experience a good situation to understand that it was better than daycare.
And BTW, the CNN article, I think I made it pretty clear that it was showing the trend of women in the workforce wasn't necessarily increasing, to counter Peek's statement that it was increasing. I think saying "I think this is a misspent life" maybe should have helped make the statement clear that these aren't mothers.
So, carry on. I really feel like this is an important point - what you grow up knowing, you learn from, and want to make life decisions based on personal experience. So if you had a poor parenting situation as a preschooler, I think we can't really bridge the debate here - because we have different perspectives on value of at home mothering.
I had (have) great parents. They're still married after 50 years, and my husband also has great parents, married 52 years. Both of us were raised lovingly, with fun mothers who loved being with us and were good wives and mothers. Home was very important, and I have warm memories of my childhood and my stay at home mother, as does my husband. When I speak to my children, my mother's words come out my mouth all by themselves (we all do that, thank God my words are loving and caring). I hear my mother's voice in my voice when I speak to my children, and I have been shown a good pattern to follow, I can't imagine how different my life would have been in daycare, but I did get a taste of it on Thursday mornings at the Base Nursery when my mom played bridge. I used to sit on the care workers foot and cry the whole time I was there - I remember it clearly.
Like young people who think marriage is unimportant because they've seen their parents go throught multiple meaningless bad partnerships, I think maybe people who didn't have loving home lives with attentive mothers in their preschool years also think staying at home is unimportant - because for them, it wasn't happy.
So. Maybe that's it. You had to experience a good situation to understand that it was better than daycare.
And BTW, the CNN article, I think I made it pretty clear that it was showing the trend of women in the workforce wasn't necessarily increasing, to counter Peek's statement that it was increasing. I think saying "I think this is a misspent life" maybe should have helped make the statement clear that these aren't mothers.
So, carry on. I really feel like this is an important point - what you grow up knowing, you learn from, and want to make life decisions based on personal experience. So if you had a poor parenting situation as a preschooler, I think we can't really bridge the debate here - because we have different perspectives on value of at home mothering.
RR-I am just curiously bringing up a question here for my own personal reasons. Do you feel differently about a mother who works outside the home and leaves her children/child with grandparents, close friends or other family?
I struggle with both of these worlds. I struggle with "what nature intended" and reality. The reality is that I have five children and I need to work. I was a SAHM until my youngest daughter went to school. When I was a SAHM, I struggled with anxiety and depression and often felt like I was not even a part of the real world. I did not breastfeed my children. Interestingly enough, after having my son a year ago, I went back to work FT when he was about 3 months old. I exclusively breastfed until he was abotu 9 months old and continued part time breastfeeding until he was 11 months old. Of course, I had to pump 2-3 times while at work but until he was 6 months old I raced out to the car, drove home and nursed him so I could bond as much as possible.
In my opinion (not that you asked for it), what is ideal is if a woman can work outside the home part time. My happiness increased dramatically once I worked outside of the home when the girls went off to school full time. I bought my own car, had my own friends and made some spending money. I loved it. What didn't work out though, is my marriage. My ex husband became abusive because he was insecure. He didn't like that I had my own money and forget having friends, a social life or my own car. My keys were often hid by him and I had to walk to work, or find a ride to the store. That was his problem, not mine. Of course, my marriage probably would have lasted had I not worked outside of the home. Or not.
I guess I'm not even sure where I'm going with this, other than that there should be a happy medium. Women should be allowed to find happiness also and a happy woman can be a much better mother. I found myself so out of touch with the world around me, I forgot how to interact with adults. At friends houses, I found myself off playing with an interfering with the children more than the adults.
The ideal situation in my opinion would be a mother who has some education and a part time job. One where she can earn some money, contribute to finances and find balance between her parenting, household duties and her own social life. She should nurse her children because that is what's best. It often times is not easiest but I do believe it is best. She will hopefully have friends or family that will help care for her child because I believe it takes a village. And she will hopefully have a loving, supportive husband who will support her and help rear the children, including diaper changes, baths, and meals. THIS is the real world now. In the 50's or even 70's, men did not help with the children as much as they do now.
That's my two cents.
I struggle with both of these worlds. I struggle with "what nature intended" and reality. The reality is that I have five children and I need to work. I was a SAHM until my youngest daughter went to school. When I was a SAHM, I struggled with anxiety and depression and often felt like I was not even a part of the real world. I did not breastfeed my children. Interestingly enough, after having my son a year ago, I went back to work FT when he was about 3 months old. I exclusively breastfed until he was abotu 9 months old and continued part time breastfeeding until he was 11 months old. Of course, I had to pump 2-3 times while at work but until he was 6 months old I raced out to the car, drove home and nursed him so I could bond as much as possible.
In my opinion (not that you asked for it), what is ideal is if a woman can work outside the home part time. My happiness increased dramatically once I worked outside of the home when the girls went off to school full time. I bought my own car, had my own friends and made some spending money. I loved it. What didn't work out though, is my marriage. My ex husband became abusive because he was insecure. He didn't like that I had my own money and forget having friends, a social life or my own car. My keys were often hid by him and I had to walk to work, or find a ride to the store. That was his problem, not mine. Of course, my marriage probably would have lasted had I not worked outside of the home. Or not.
I guess I'm not even sure where I'm going with this, other than that there should be a happy medium. Women should be allowed to find happiness also and a happy woman can be a much better mother. I found myself so out of touch with the world around me, I forgot how to interact with adults. At friends houses, I found myself off playing with an interfering with the children more than the adults.
The ideal situation in my opinion would be a mother who has some education and a part time job. One where she can earn some money, contribute to finances and find balance between her parenting, household duties and her own social life. She should nurse her children because that is what's best. It often times is not easiest but I do believe it is best. She will hopefully have friends or family that will help care for her child because I believe it takes a village. And she will hopefully have a loving, supportive husband who will support her and help rear the children, including diaper changes, baths, and meals. THIS is the real world now. In the 50's or even 70's, men did not help with the children as much as they do now.
That's my two cents.
I read it, also. Good article--was there a connection with working mothers in some way? Again--the Med Help C word--choice. Some women stay home. Some go to work. Biology and "nature" are not dictating what they choose to do.
About cereal in a bottle....was that having a single thing to do with this discussion in some way?
Oh, you were just trying to "enrage" me again, Rose? One might almost think so! Why don't you try routine infant circumcision....that might work.
If anyone wanted to hear my thoughts on those 2 issues, I'd be glad to share how I think.
Back to the topic at hand. My "snideness" and determination that women should be free to do what they choose, whether it be working outside the home, or staying at home.
Remind me again why this is bad?
I'll tell you how my childhood worked for me, in case you were curious.
My mother (not that one persons experience amounts to a hill of beans) did not work while we were young. My fondest memories of her and my father include her chain smoking all day long (when he was at work), drinking, and her watching TV for most of the day. When we were old enough to go outside in the summers, she's shoo us outside after breakfast and warn us not to come back until lunch. After lunch, back outside until dinner. After dinner, she and my dad drank and fought.
After a particularly heinous fight where the land lady came over (she lived next door) she threatened to put us all out on the streets. Things got better after that...then there was only the fighting without the drinking, which was a big improvement.
When I was about 10-11 or so, she got a job at a fabric store. I think it helped her a lot. There was much less fighting (maybe they were fighting about money before..I truly don't remember what the fights were about, curiously). Maybe she needed to be away from the house. I don't know. All of a sudden she had some friends, she seemed much brighter and happier, and things in my world were better.
My sister and I were alone after school until 5 or 6, when she came home. We were given the responsibility of doing some after school chores and sometimes got to fix an easy dinner on occasion. Or Mom would leave a casserole for us to put in the oven. Before my sister discovered boys, we had fun together after school w/o Mom. After my sis discovered boys, she had fun with them after school, and I did the few chores we had and fixed dinner by myself.
Do I remember feeling lonely without my mother? Not at all. I remember feeling proud that I was in charge (after my sister discovered boys) of the house and was trusted to fix dinner or do some chores alone. I was relieved when she came home, not because I had been alone for a few hours, but because now when she came home, she had a smile on her face, a kiss for my Dad when he got home, and talked about "the girls" at work, their lives, their kids, what she did at work, and we all talked.
In the summers, we did get to go to work with her sometimes, and we got to fold some of the fabrics, or help customers sometimes. I adored it. We sometimes went to nearby stores and helped them if we got shooed out of Moms store. Of course, this was a different time.
She and Dad were able to put us through college, though I was expected to get a part time job for my own extra expenses. My sister dropped out (she was always the wild one) joined a religious cult, got married, had babies, got out of the cult, got divorced, eventually went to school on her own and has a good life.
So that's my persepective.
Or am I still being snide? I often can't tell, so someone let me know.
About cereal in a bottle....was that having a single thing to do with this discussion in some way?
Oh, you were just trying to "enrage" me again, Rose? One might almost think so! Why don't you try routine infant circumcision....that might work.
If anyone wanted to hear my thoughts on those 2 issues, I'd be glad to share how I think.
Back to the topic at hand. My "snideness" and determination that women should be free to do what they choose, whether it be working outside the home, or staying at home.
Remind me again why this is bad?
I'll tell you how my childhood worked for me, in case you were curious.
My mother (not that one persons experience amounts to a hill of beans) did not work while we were young. My fondest memories of her and my father include her chain smoking all day long (when he was at work), drinking, and her watching TV for most of the day. When we were old enough to go outside in the summers, she's shoo us outside after breakfast and warn us not to come back until lunch. After lunch, back outside until dinner. After dinner, she and my dad drank and fought.
After a particularly heinous fight where the land lady came over (she lived next door) she threatened to put us all out on the streets. Things got better after that...then there was only the fighting without the drinking, which was a big improvement.
When I was about 10-11 or so, she got a job at a fabric store. I think it helped her a lot. There was much less fighting (maybe they were fighting about money before..I truly don't remember what the fights were about, curiously). Maybe she needed to be away from the house. I don't know. All of a sudden she had some friends, she seemed much brighter and happier, and things in my world were better.
My sister and I were alone after school until 5 or 6, when she came home. We were given the responsibility of doing some after school chores and sometimes got to fix an easy dinner on occasion. Or Mom would leave a casserole for us to put in the oven. Before my sister discovered boys, we had fun together after school w/o Mom. After my sis discovered boys, she had fun with them after school, and I did the few chores we had and fixed dinner by myself.
Do I remember feeling lonely without my mother? Not at all. I remember feeling proud that I was in charge (after my sister discovered boys) of the house and was trusted to fix dinner or do some chores alone. I was relieved when she came home, not because I had been alone for a few hours, but because now when she came home, she had a smile on her face, a kiss for my Dad when he got home, and talked about "the girls" at work, their lives, their kids, what she did at work, and we all talked.
In the summers, we did get to go to work with her sometimes, and we got to fold some of the fabrics, or help customers sometimes. I adored it. We sometimes went to nearby stores and helped them if we got shooed out of Moms store. Of course, this was a different time.
She and Dad were able to put us through college, though I was expected to get a part time job for my own extra expenses. My sister dropped out (she was always the wild one) joined a religious cult, got married, had babies, got out of the cult, got divorced, eventually went to school on her own and has a good life.
So that's my persepective.
Or am I still being snide? I often can't tell, so someone let me know.
I really don't want to join the debate about "Wife Swap" but I wanted to comment on the nature thing: my mother was a SAHM. She was hugely unhappy being stuck at home w/small children and consequently it was passed down to her family. She was a much happier person/mother when she finally figured it out & went back to work. Does nature intend that?
Looking back, if given the choice, I was the child who would've chosen day-care over staying w/an unhappy SAHM. By the way, I read the CNN article and it was largely about childless women who chose to stay home - not the ones w/children.
Looking back, if given the choice, I was the child who would've chosen day-care over staying w/an unhappy SAHM. By the way, I read the CNN article and it was largely about childless women who chose to stay home - not the ones w/children.
i agree- they pair extremes to create conflict.
i can't help but wonder how much of it is genuine. are these families for real? are the shows edited to show only specific aspects? rockrose- do you feel the family you knew was accurately portrayed?
i can't help but wonder how much of it is genuine. are these families for real? are the shows edited to show only specific aspects? rockrose- do you feel the family you knew was accurately portrayed?
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