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Avatar universal

2 and 4 year-old out of control

Hello, I am asking for advice for a neighbor. She has a two year old daughter and a 4 year old son. When anyone else is around they behave well... when it's her home they only misbehave. Take for example the latest (her husband works 16 days on and he's out of town about 70 miles away) they plugged the bathroom sink with toilet paper and other things, turned on the water then must have become tired again and went back to sleep. She woke up to the bathroom flooding into the hallway. They did this in the middle of the night. She sleeps in the living room as the 4 year old will push a chair to the door unlock all 3 locks and go outside. He's started to be very rough with his sister. Now she is 2 years old and is calliing names, hitting, screaming and jumping all over. She copies all her brother does. We added a lock to her front door with a cotter pin to try and help, he figured that right out. Put fridge locks on as we kept finding food in his room that he would get into in the middle of the night. Locked the deep freeze because they took everything out and threw it all over the house and furniture. My neighbor can not even shower without myself or another friend coming down so the kids are watched. I am at a loss. I love the kids. (I can't have kids so I am asking for help) I know she is beyond frustrated with how destructive and naughty they are. I don't know how to help her or what to even say. I appreciate all your help and willingness to read this. (Btw she is 22, had her son at 18 and daughter at 20. Married at 20. Graduation college with her bachelors degrees in two weeks. Online student. Never was taught how to drive (she can't go anywhere unless I taken her or her husband is home)
2 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
Two and Four year olds are notoriously challenging creatures.  My boys are 15 months apart and in the toddler years . . .  I had to stay on my toes to keep up with them.  They had their moments!  But they almost always came when I was preoccupied elsewhere.  :>)  Supervision, keeping them busy, tiring them out through out the day sure does cut down on moments in which you wonder about their future being behind bars for bad behavior!  Things I did was plan ahead a lot of things to do such as setting up obstacle courses in the house, picnic in back yard, a mattress on the floor to jump on like trampoline, puzzle time, reading time, crazy animal walk time, simon says, etc.  Yes, it's a little tiring but worth the better behaved kids you get than when they are untethered.  Going to school means they have time that they are not supervised.  What does she do then?  she has to carefully planned because a 2 and 4 year old WILL find ways to entertain themselves and some not so great when bored.  TV gets old.  Playing by yourself at that age isn't too realistic for long stretches.  Kids of that age have an attention span in the 5 yo 10 minute range.  So, they switch activities often.  Can she put them in a double stroller and walk to the park?  I do have a car so could get out but I also walked a lot of places.  Those long walks to a park can wear kids out!  They behave better and sleep better!  
So kids being wide awake at night while mom sleeps . . .  tire them out during the day.  And turn the baby monitor back on.  

They are getting to the age in which preschool is possible.  The 4 year old will go to kindergarten either next year or the year after which is half or full day. The two year old can go to preschool for a couple mornings a week.  The interaction may be good for them.  And if they could save up for a car so your friend can get them places, that seems like something worthwhile.  Pay for driving lessons would be something of high priority I would think.  How is she going to get to work?  With kids, you really do need to be able to drive . . .  doctors appointmetns, missed school bus, play dates at a friends house.  

so, hopefully this gives her some ideas.  All kids of this age are honorary but want boundaries to keep them in line.  Apply them gently and understand that they need structure of activities and physical exercise to help them stay in control.  good luck
Thank you so much for your response. I am trying so hard for her to understand the kids need stimulation, to run around and play. When she's doing class online they are usually napping or sleeping for the night. At the same time though I've walked over there and she'll have the 2 year old in her high chair by the tv and the 4 year old on the couch.... tv isn't a baby sitter. I try to go there daily and play outside with them. I can't imagine them being stuck inside all day.  I would challenge a lot of things as well. I can take them outside but they will run right into the road even as you ask them to not do so they cackle and rebel against all. It scares me so bad. She can't walk long distances so the park is out of the question, she doesn't have any lower leg muscles on her left leg. She was born without them. I honestly do not know what else to do. It exhausts me trying to help her but I'm about to rip my hair out from not understanding. She doesn't want any advice due to me not being a mother, I get that but I am doing my best to help. Thank you so much for your response. I will do what I can to help. (Made a fort two nights ago, hadn't even got in it when the 4 year old got mad, growled and took it all apart, he thinks it's funny to ruin stuff.... like his brand new kite, we haven't flown it and he broke all the pieces as I was setting up another one..)
Avatar universal
Because you're not a mother you can't offer reasonable advice?  I do NOT get that.  It's ignorant really. I love asking my childless friends for their input. You're good enough to care for them but cany offer your opinion?
But really, unsolicited advice isn't always welcome anyway.
Maybe you need to change your approach to sound more appealing without coming off as. Know it all of judgingher parenting. You're. Good friend and person to care enough to seek out helpful tips in dealing with these kids.

I do try my hardest to help make it better for the kids. The kids throw their dinner on the floor every time. So I sat with them and they are just fine, she doesn't. It kills me. It is these small things that change them. Every night taking them outside to run around and play then they sleep better.... I don't understand anymore. I'm doing all I can and I'm backed against a wall.
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