2 year old+seperation+acting up

[Debby289]

Me and my ex have been seperated for 2 months and have a 2 month old and a 2 and a half year old. My oldest son visits his dad every weekend. When he leaves he is happy and excited to go with his father but when he returns he is hyper, aggressive, ill-behaved, edgey and has nightmares waking up 2/3 times a night. I have spoken to my ex regarding this, as everytime he takes my son his new girlfriend is with them and having been introduced as daddy's friend from as early as the 1st week of our seperation. I believe my son's behaviour is a result of the stress of the seperation and seeing his dad with a new woman so early on before he has had a chance to fully adapt to his parents seperation. I have gone out of my way to avoid arguing in front of the kids, as to make the transition as less streeful as possible and would like to know how I can help my son through this. Friends and family have said that he shouldn't be seeing his dad so often, every weekend as this disrupts his routine too much. I would like to know if this is true and if it would be best to keep visit to every other weekend.


This discussion is related to divorce stress on a 2 year old.

[Debby289]

I kicked him out 10 days after my youngest was born cause I found out he had a new girlfriend since I was 7 months pregnant. It has been a hellish 2 months, extremely tiring and demanding for me as I try to balance the new and newly seperated mom thing, putting on a brave face for my friends and family and helping my oldest through this with the least amount of stress and change possible.

I've spoken to my ex about our sons behaviour and his only response was a blank look on his face and saying "really". He continues to bring his girlfriend along on visits and has made no attempts to soften the adjustment phase for our son. He seems more concerned about "buying" his sons attention through gifts and treats, to make sure he doesn't blame Daddy for the seperation. I have already guaranteed him that I have no intention of turning his son on him, as it is in his best interest to continue to have a good relationship with his dad, and have only explained to him that Daddy no longer lives with us and has moved in with Grandma and Grandpa like we have.

I try hard to believe he has my sons best interest in mind, but it does not seem so as he continues with irresponsable actions and worrying over his rights as a dad instead of his sons best interests. I have been granted full custody and he has visitation rights on weekends. I'm currently waiting for the court to sentence this so that it is official, so I don't think there is much of a point in complaining to the court on this, as I know they will not be able to force the dad to get it together. another reason I'm worried about helping my son, as I know he won't be getting much support from his dad.

My son has adapted really well to his brothers arrival, adores him and helps out a lot with baths and diapers. As I'm home on maternity leave, I try to have time alone with him everyday, to play or take a walk, and aim for an outdoor "fun" activity (a visit to the park, a trip, etc) at least twice a week. So far I haven't noticed any issues besides his being jealous of others, outside the immediate family (me, my mom, my dad and my cousins), picking up his brother. When I say jealous, it is more of possesiveness as he does not refuse but stands by nervously watching to make sure they do not harm his brother.

I thank all of you for the input. I had not thought about the sibling jealousy issue that much.

I think I should get a professional opinion to help figure out how best to help my sons through this.

[margypops]

It is good that your son gets to see his Dad regularly both parents play a part in the well being of any child,have you spoken to his Dad and got some feedback and ideas, Could your 2year old also have jealous issues regarding your new Baby and when he comes home could use some postive attention from you , at this age children do feel left out and focusing on his positive side would help, how about one to one time from you,when other family can watch Baby, outside games and activities,

[lilhappy1]

When I left my oldest daughters father we had the same problems when she came home, she got a 3 day readjusting period after she got home and she was back to normal.  You can't controle what goes on at your ex's so waste your time fighting him on it unless it endangers your son.  Since your son is going every weekend a 3 adjustment might be a little much but if your ex really does have your sons best interest at heart then I think your son spending time with him is a good idea. But it is not my situationand I don't know all the details. In my situation it was not best but I have friends that it works great for.  Good luck!!

[babygirl6152]

if you have this age child- does it mean dad left immediately after the birth of a brand new baby? The situation is already stressful to me and it's not even my nightmare.... of course I suppose this could be that you kicked him out of the home because he has a new girlfriend- and you two are still married?

You cannot control how this man acts when you are not with him- so don't even attempt to- your son needs stability - sure- but he is likely never going to get it from your ex husband- unless he grows up a LOT and FAST. When you go to court for visitation and support discussions, you can request all sorts of things about women being in the home- but that doesn't mean the judge will agree to it or your ex-

what can YOU do about it? Make sure the next man you get involved with has your children's best interest at heart and is not as self-centered.....