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Avatar universal

2 yr old loses her mind over daddy

Our two year old (daughter) is amazing, independent and overall fairly easy going for a toddler. Except! for when my husband is around. She completely loses her mind when he gets home or even comes into the room. She becomes a clingy, emotional, crying, whining, inconsolable (even for him at some points) mess. And I literally do not exist when he does. He's attentive and very patient with her and we understand that there is a lot going on in life (we also have a 1 year old and another baby due any day now) but her switch flip behavior when he is around is starting to wear on us both. Any advice or insight? A phase? Ideas on how to cope and help her feel more secure? We always tell her honestly if "daddy's at work but he'll be back later" or "daddy's right there, look you can see him from your chair" or "daddy's busy right now with your sister, can mommy please help?" (Usually the answer to that is "No, daddy" in a full blown teary-eyed cry.... I'm kind of at a loss and we see that it affects her so much. Sometimes I think it would almost be better if he wasn't round, but that's not the answer or even feasible.... some advice or sharing about how your own toddler got through something like this and what you might have done to help them out of or through it?? Thanks.
5 Responses
Avatar universal
She is right were she should be with everything going on. There are things that are happening in you house. girls have the need to find safety with their fathers when they don't understand what is going on, while boys would go to their mother. Try to include her the best you can. Talk to her let her feel that she is part of the planing. And when is her alone time with her dad? It is important to have a roten time alone with at least ones a day.
Avatar universal
I think every child has different needs and it would be hard to compare the behaviour of your child with another child because not all aspects of the home life are the same. I would say maybe having a younger sibling come into the picture might have something to to with this behaviour. Or has it been a case where Daddy was the one giving in to her from the start? In the early days, if she kicked up a fuss, or started crying Daddy would be the one to put a stop the crying by giving in to her particular need (at that time)? My Daughter is like that and does the same thing with my wife. Even to the extent that she refuses to sleep if my wife is at home but not in bed with her. My wife finds it hard to say no and just let her cry. Now, we have realised that she is smart enough to play us against each other (she is 13 months) Daddy tries to put her to bed, if mummy comes into the picture, she starts screaming as she knows mummy will pick her up and soothe her. Mummy then has a hard time sleeping because kiddo does not want to sleep. We solved this problem by getting mummy to soothe her for a while and then handing her over to Daddy who then puts her to sleep. After a few times she realised that she cant get her way and this sleeping problem has been solved (others are still ongoing)
Avatar universal
Don't worry about it.  It's a healthy reaction.  It just means that she's really attached to her dad because her dad babys  her or he takes good care of her.  It's a safety/separation anxiety thing and shows him she needs him.  Lol.

I don't know why it's thought of as something of a problem in American thinking, but in my culture it happens all the time and is the norm.

Lol, my sister in law can't  leave to use the bathroom without 3 kids crying and bagging the bathroom door.  Everyone else is in the house but they don't want us.  Lol.  She has her liberal arts degree and is very good with children and very attentive.  They are very attached to her.  Our family is strict and we use time out our kids when they break the rules.  It's difficult for their parents to do so, and the mom is constantly holding her children and seeing to their every need.  Her connection with them is really good.  So when she leaves the house to go to the store all her kids would be crying and tearing up like fountains.  They're all under 6.  They'll be fine when their mom is gone however, and get up to play with aunties and uncles and grandparents and other kids. And then when their mom comes back they'll cry to her as if they were being beaten or mistreated.  Lol.  It drives her crazy.  

She's confused by this and asks us if they were crying like this when she is gone.  We answer nope not at all.

My husband's sister is very attached to her kids and kind of distinctional where she serves them hand and feet even when they are older and they cried like this when they are seperated also.  Thry cried for almost an hour when we had to baby sit home because of a death in the family.  Then they were fine after that.  Lol. But yes, so I can see how stressful it can be.

It's just separation anxiety because of the close boding they have.  It can happen to anymore.  No worries.  In this case it is actually good that your daughter has good daddy relationship to help her find her future man.

Avatar universal
Don't think too much about it.  When he's available then he can have her, when he's not too bad she has to be with the person who taking care of her.  If you surrender to her and let her have her daddy every time she cries, then that's the kind of training that will get him stuck with her at all times.  It will wear off when she gets older.

Avatar universal
I think its so darn cute, nothing wrong with loving daddy, she will grow out of it. She is a baby for Christ sake!
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