Dayhome Kids

[amask]

I need help!!!  I caught my daughter and one of my dayhome kids humping downstairs and flipped!!  I didn't know what to say to the dayhome kid so I said nothing but I took my daughter aside and told her that it is not apropriate behaviour.  Now yesterday one of my other dayhome kids mom told me her son said that my daughter was humping him and the other kids.  When I asked her about it she said that he started it and she knew it wasn't right so she stopped playing with him.  He then said my other daughter was touching her private parts, when I asked her she said no.  What do I do believe my own kids or the other kid???  The other mom says she thinks it's funny and is not mad but I am upset because I don't know who to believe????  I know that my daughter has never been touched unappropiately so is she just exploring her sexuality or is this other kid setting her up to get into trouble?  Of course the other mom believes her son and he would never do something like that and I had told her about the previous experience with the other child so of course it was my daughter!!!!  What do I do??

[peekawho]

Daycare children can never be left unsupervised for a minute, so it should not be hard to observe this child and see how he acts.  

[jd1419]

I would say just stop talking about it at this point unless the behavior contiunes.  Try and make sure that they are never left unsupervised for a period of time (I know harded to do than said).  Also maybe have a group meeting with all the kids and go over your DayCare rules again--about personal space and what is acceptable behavior.  This way it is not going to single out any one child but they will all get the same message at the same time.  I would say after this meeting if the behavior continues you can then tell the mother about her sons behavior and then you can decide whether or not you want him to be part of your home daycare.

[amask]

I spoke to my daughter and the other children seperately and they all say that what he said is untrue and that he kept jumping on there backs when they were playing kittens and dogs and as my oldest stated humping them.  My oldest daughter and the other two had the exact same stories.  What do I do?  Obviously he is lying and now how do I tell his mom?  We are on good terms but all mom's hate to be told there children are lying.  And why would he make up the story?  I am thinking for attention but who knows.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

How old are the children? This sort of behavior does not spontaneously occur with young children. It occurs when they have been exposed, either directly or via some other stimulus (movie, pictures, e.g.), to such behavior, and then they imitate it. Without having to investigate re: the veracity of any of the accounts, trust what your eyes observed. It would be sensible to speak with your own children in more detail about how the behavior came about, while continuing your attempts to teach them that such behavior is not permitted. If you and the other children's mother are on good terms, you might consider a discussion as a group to underscore the uniformity of expectations.