3 YEAR OLD

[MASALA]

Our 3 1/2 year old son has had some problems at day care and at home as of late. Very strong willed and does what he wants when he wants. Gets very upset when he does not get his own way.
Time out does not work anymore and does not listen to his teachers. He says he wants no friends and does not have a reason for his actions. He is a only child and has everything he needs and more. We have taken toys ect... and it does not phase him.Never had any problems at day care and has been there since he was a baby. He is very smart and was pushed up to pre school class in day care when he was 2. This has been going on for about 3 weeks.His teachers are at a loss as are we with his actions as of late.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It can be inferred from your description that the behavior is of fairly recent origin. Is that true? Was your son pretty cooperative and compliant prior to the past few weeks? If so, there is likely some change or upset in his environment that has him unsettled. If his behavior is actually an exacerbation of a baseline strong-willed, somewhat opositional child, then some acute precipitant is not so likely. I'm going to refer you to the book SOS Help for Parents. It will give you very specific guidelines and instructions about how to construct a behavior management system that will address precisely what you are encountering. I worry a bit when parents remark that 'time out does not work anymore'. To be honest, in 35 years of helping parents manage children's behavior, I have never encountered a situation in which time out (when it was used appropriately) was not helpful as the major behavior management strategy. It's likely that the problem has more to do with implementation than with the technique itself. Take a look at the book I suggested; you'll be pleased with the rsults.

[MASALA]

Thanks for you help we have ordered that book. As of the last 2 days he has been much better at day care and at home. We will have to see how long this last .My wife and I both work full time and we have been trying to spend more time with him doing things he likes to do. Look foward to reading SOS. Thanks again