3 year old,

[jackie0123]

Are all 3 year olds clingy whingy,and want you all for thereselves???
i feel like im attached to mine by the hip,not by choice either.

[specialmom]

Hm,well.  the way kids work is they attach.  She went three days after birth to a foster home that didn't work out and she was separated.  THAT is an issue that would affect a child.  I'd also consider that if she was removed for drugs----  that she could have some affect and developmental issues factoring in.

  She's in daycare every day and to bed by 6:30.  So, that is how many hours you spend with her a day?  And yet she is still bugging you so much?  

I don't know.  To me it sounds like a child that is shuffled around and everyone thinks she is a burden or wants her to be like a doll and quiet.   I imagine she senses this and is acting out.  Wait until the teenage years.   That's when this will get REALLY bad.  good luck  

[jackie0123]

hi like i sed she had a lovely upbringing by a lovely couple who i still keep in touch with,her mother couldnt have her from being born ,due to schizaphrenia,so shes never lived with her mum.then i got her at 10 months old,so shes only ever had her foster mum and me,she is very bright,i dont live with a husband or any one else,she goes to nursery every day mon-friday,i take her to play factories,shes got like a park in my back garden,so shes not got lack of things to do,i read to her play with her with her toys and everything.shes in bed at 6.30 and asleep around 7,I think shes just seeing how far she can push my buttons,and i dont clip her round the ears,,,I said it was easier when mine was growing up as that was the norm then,and thats why i may be finding it hard ,cause i know you CANT do it now,my kids was never like this,but i think it could be that im with her all the time,so wen people come,its like there taking  her attention ,so she creates to get it back.

[jackie0123]

she hasnt had a rocky upbringing,she was born and 3 days later went to a loving foster parent who i still keep in touch with,so its not that,and shes very bright aswell,so i know it aint that

[nursegirl6572]

I couldn't agree with SM more.  It's not at all unusual to see a child be extra clingy and needy who has had a rough start and who is unsure about things like security, routines, and consistency.  THOSE are the things I think you need to be focused on, a strict and rigid routine, reassurance, and building the child's sense of security.  Whatever the circumstances are that brought this child to you, just remember how hard that is on a child.

Oh, and I definitely wouldn't be punishing the child for clingy needy behavior.  It sounds like a fine line with her, and sounds like her behavior turns when she isn't getting immediate results.  I DO believe though a GOOD bit of her behavior could be a result of being fearful.  At that age, you could turn the corner to go into the other room, and the child may wonder if you're ever coming back.  Couple that with her already dealing with not having her parents around....that would lead to one very scared and insecure little girl.

Very best of luck to you with your niece.  It's so great that you've stepped in and are giving her the stability she so desperately needs.

[specialmom]

I personally feel the phone is a beacon of bad behavior.  To this day, my kids come up with things to need me for when on the phone.  They are almost 9 and 10!  I can hold up a finger now and point to the phone and they will handle things for themselves but really think that the issue with her having increased needs when you are on the phone is typical for a 3 year old.  I really do.

I guess what I am saying is that spending 10 to 30 minutes with a 3 year old in the evening reading and then expecting to do your own thing wasn't my life with my kids.  Yes, they get more independent but I still had to supervise and they wanted me 'around' and available if need be.  That age is so active and my boys needed tons of outside play, physical activity, interaction with other kids, etc. that caring for them really was about all I did during those toddler years.  (I did have 2 though, so it was double the responsibility at the same time).  

However, perhaps because she has clearly been through 'something' and is separated from her parents, she is indeed overly needy than what is typical.  (while it is not unusual to want mom (or whomever) when on the phone, maybe it is the level of intensity that she handles it with that concerns you).  I would in all honesty, work with her to build her sense of security to help her out (and you in the long run) with this.  I would try not to make long phone calls when she is around and have a go to plan when you do need a few minutes on the phone.  Heck, I did that with kids that didn't have traumatic events in their life and being displaced out of their home/parents.  Go to plans could be talking to her---  I have to make 1 quick (and make it quick) phone call----  you're fine, you are right beside me and you can do X while I make it.  Also, get others you live with---  your husband for example to help when you must do something without interference.  But she needs her security built for sure, it sounds like.  

good luck

[RockRose]

Jackie,  this behavior you  describe isn't a normal developmental phase.  

I suspect it might be due to her very rocky start in life that she has inappropriate attachment to you.

Can you seek family counseling?  If she's been through the court system to get her assigned to your guardianship,  are there resources you can access for her to help her overcome this?