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3 year old circle time problems / not listening at preschool
My daughter will be three in two weeks. She had gone to preschool two days a week for two hours since this past Sept. She refuses to sit for circle time and is disruptive. The teacher's aide has resorted to holding my (struggling to break free) child during circle time. She only follows directions when she chooses to listen. I don't know what to do.
The teacher have asked if an early interventionist could come see my child at school. So I sat in class out of site and observed. My child behaved until circle time came. The teacher's aide held her to keep her in the circle and prevent her from disrupting others. After circle time she played well with other, but after hand washing for snack she sprung from the bathroom and pushed three kids. Then at some point before leaving she began running around the classroom, not listening to the teachers when they told her to stop. Finally, there was a second circle which was cut short. My child wouldn't sit, but neither would other children at this point. My child spotted me watching her and ran to me, I quickly told her to sit in circle because I didn't like her behavior and she sat in circle in her spot and listened until class was over!!!! I don't know what to do.
I don't want the interventionist to work with my daughter in class because I'm aware of tracking and labels put on children. I made an appointment with a clinical social worker to help us with her behavior. My husband and I are trying to improve discipline at home, but part of me just says she's 3. Three year old do this as they are learning to deal with the world. But if her behavior is so different from most kids in class, is there a problem.
I can homeschool if necessary, but I want her to be part of a school environment. Would love any advice.
The teacher have asked if an early interventionist could come see my child at school. So I sat in class out of site and observed. My child behaved until circle time came. The teacher's aide held her to keep her in the circle and prevent her from disrupting others. After circle time she played well with other, but after hand washing for snack she sprung from the bathroom and pushed three kids. Then at some point before leaving she began running around the classroom, not listening to the teachers when they told her to stop. Finally, there was a second circle which was cut short. My child wouldn't sit, but neither would other children at this point. My child spotted me watching her and ran to me, I quickly told her to sit in circle because I didn't like her behavior and she sat in circle in her spot and listened until class was over!!!! I don't know what to do.
I don't want the interventionist to work with my daughter in class because I'm aware of tracking and labels put on children. I made an appointment with a clinical social worker to help us with her behavior. My husband and I are trying to improve discipline at home, but part of me just says she's 3. Three year old do this as they are learning to deal with the world. But if her behavior is so different from most kids in class, is there a problem.
I can homeschool if necessary, but I want her to be part of a school environment. Would love any advice.
My son will be 3 in a month. He is first born and up until a few months ago, was an only child. This past summer we started noticing some behavior issues when socializing with other children at a mommy and me fitness class. He appeared to not understand personal space of other kids, thus other kids who were all a little older never wanted to play with him. As a result, we enrolled him at summer camp for 3 days a week for 2 weeks at the preschool he was scheduled to attend in the fall. At first he did great- loved socializing with other children his own age. Then we had an issue with him non-maliciously hitting another child with a car and getting sent to the time out chair. The preschool teacher at camp said that this behavior was expected from children this age a s they are testing their boundaries. Regular preschool twice a week started in Sept. and we have only had positive reviews from the school. Our concern about my son's behavior came at the Halloween concert that the preschool had for parents. All of the children were required to stand in the circle, sing the songs twice and then introduce themselves as who their costume was. My son was one of the only ones who seemed to never sit still, he would run around, try and get other kids to play, and seemed to want to constantly be center of attention. One of the teachers had to have him sit on her lap so that the other kids could have a turn to introduce themselves. My husband and I were appalled at his behavior, both of us wondering if he is ADD or ADHD, as at home he acts nothing like that. After the concert, I approched his teacher and asked her is he was always this disruptive. Her response was that she would never call a 2 1/2 - 3 year olds behavior "disruptive" - that that age group has some very high energy kids and my son is one who has very high energy. She said that they look at the positive's of high energy kids in that at clean up time, they are usually the ones who put the most away. She also said that preschools (or at least our preschool does) take cirlce time in steps and that they don't expect kids to sit through circle time, but strive to make progressive steps (based on the child) throughout the year in order to increase the amount of time kids can sit in the circle. As a parent it was a relief to hear from his teacher that they do not consider him a behavior problem, however my husband and I still worry about his behavior. Earlier this week when I picked him up from preschool he told me that he had to sit in the time out chair for hitting a girl with a car. He knows that it's wrong, yet he still does it. I don't know if this is a high energy behavior or a socialization behavior? At home, he is great, he shares with his little brother and is so gentle with him. But with other children at school, (from what we obsereved at the concert) he took toys from the other kids and seems out of control. Any suggestions on how to improve socialization issues or if his problem could just be considered a high energy issue?
Hi lovingmomm.
I just saw your post now. Because you had written on an old thread, it may be overlooked. I would suggest you start a new thread, but will add some comments here.
First off, to me, it does not sound like there is anything wrong with your daughter. I am a preschool teacher and have worked with young children for over a decade. We try to get kids to sit for circle, we tell them it is expected, but honestly it is normal and not uncommon for a child, especially a young 3 year old who is still learning English. So, what we would do if your daughter were in our classes, is make accommodations. If her teacher is unwilling to try accommodations then I would consider another school. This is not special treatment, but rather modifications that make learning easier for all of the children (your daughter and the rest of the class). Here are some things I would try before deciding that there was something "wrong" with your child
~ give her a special job (such as counting how many children)
~ try different spots. Some children do best when sitting directly across from the teacher while others do better right next to the teacher. Some children who physically cannot sit still will be seated in a chair. Others need a teacher's assistant sitting right beside or behind them with a gentle hand on their back. Some children still need that assistant to actually gently stroke the back or hair to keep them focused.
~Some children need something in their hands like a stuffed animal or stress ball.
~And some children simply are not ready to sit. NAEYC and ECERS both tell teachers that they have to make accommodations for children who are not ready to sit in circle time.This is especially true for a 3 year old classroom.
Since your daughter is an ELL (english language learner), she may need additional modifications. This is NORMAL and EXPECTED, and I would expect the teacher to understand this and make the modifications. For my ELL's (and honestly all the kids) I make sure my circle times are interesting and exciting. I make them WANT to sit. We sing songs and do rhymes. I always have something interesting to talk about. Young children and EL's like songs and routine, as it gives them security and helps them learn the language. When I read stories, I try to make sure I use animations and voices, and whenever possible I use props.
I am guessing that the teacher makes all of the children sit. She probably does the weather and calendar every day, and then counts the children. Your daughter is zoning because it's boring and irrelevant to her. And she doesn't understand it because it is a foreign language.
I suggest you look for a different kind of program. I would look for an NAEYC accredited program or any program that advertises itself as being "developmentally appropriate" or "child-directed." A well-run Montessori might work as well. You need a program that takes in to account the interests and varying levels and abilities of young children. Avoid any program that has 3 or 4 year olds sit and do worksheets or has more time spent in circletime and structured activities than in "free play" or "interest area" time.
I just saw your post now. Because you had written on an old thread, it may be overlooked. I would suggest you start a new thread, but will add some comments here.
First off, to me, it does not sound like there is anything wrong with your daughter. I am a preschool teacher and have worked with young children for over a decade. We try to get kids to sit for circle, we tell them it is expected, but honestly it is normal and not uncommon for a child, especially a young 3 year old who is still learning English. So, what we would do if your daughter were in our classes, is make accommodations. If her teacher is unwilling to try accommodations then I would consider another school. This is not special treatment, but rather modifications that make learning easier for all of the children (your daughter and the rest of the class). Here are some things I would try before deciding that there was something "wrong" with your child
~ give her a special job (such as counting how many children)
~ try different spots. Some children do best when sitting directly across from the teacher while others do better right next to the teacher. Some children who physically cannot sit still will be seated in a chair. Others need a teacher's assistant sitting right beside or behind them with a gentle hand on their back. Some children still need that assistant to actually gently stroke the back or hair to keep them focused.
~Some children need something in their hands like a stuffed animal or stress ball.
~And some children simply are not ready to sit. NAEYC and ECERS both tell teachers that they have to make accommodations for children who are not ready to sit in circle time.This is especially true for a 3 year old classroom.
Since your daughter is an ELL (english language learner), she may need additional modifications. This is NORMAL and EXPECTED, and I would expect the teacher to understand this and make the modifications. For my ELL's (and honestly all the kids) I make sure my circle times are interesting and exciting. I make them WANT to sit. We sing songs and do rhymes. I always have something interesting to talk about. Young children and EL's like songs and routine, as it gives them security and helps them learn the language. When I read stories, I try to make sure I use animations and voices, and whenever possible I use props.
I am guessing that the teacher makes all of the children sit. She probably does the weather and calendar every day, and then counts the children. Your daughter is zoning because it's boring and irrelevant to her. And she doesn't understand it because it is a foreign language.
I suggest you look for a different kind of program. I would look for an NAEYC accredited program or any program that advertises itself as being "developmentally appropriate" or "child-directed." A well-run Montessori might work as well. You need a program that takes in to account the interests and varying levels and abilities of young children. Avoid any program that has 3 or 4 year olds sit and do worksheets or has more time spent in circletime and structured activities than in "free play" or "interest area" time.
"I don't know what to do."
You can let her grow up. She is just a baby. And tell that dumb teacher to stop grabbing the struggling kiddie. "Circle time," whatever that is, hardly sounds that important.
You can let her grow up. She is just a baby. And tell that dumb teacher to stop grabbing the struggling kiddie. "Circle time," whatever that is, hardly sounds that important.
Dear specialmom,
I think i really need your help and advice. My daughter just turned 3 and having trouble with the circle time at her preschool. She has no problem with other art activities, and outside play though.
She has attended school for 8 days now, 2 days a week.
She has been speaking Bengali (an Indian language), and I never trained her in English, hoping she would pick up from school. Well, she has started understanding the language now from school, but she tries to escape the circle times. First few days, she wouldn't even sit, she was just roaming around the classroom. On one day, she sat, and was asked to count the number of students, and she did it (that was one fortunate day!)
But last 2 days, she managed to sit in the circle but did not participate/respond to the teacher when asked a question.
And when it is story time, she is not paying attention, looking around/elsewhere when the teacher is reading (this is not the case at home, she loves listening to stories, and even sits for 30 minutes when I read to her and explain the stories in Bengali).
Sometimes (at school) it seems she is in her own world, and not noticing whats going on around her (this is not at all the case at home, she is very responsive every single moment).
Sometimes she is just roaming around the classroom, and the teacher had to yell "come here" to get her to sit in circle.
Could it be because of the school environment, there is so much stimuli, so she is behaving that way?
Another thing we noticed about her behavior is, she does not like being touched by people she hasn't known well enough. She loves to be cuddled by me, my husband, and some of our relatives. But she feels very uncomfortable and reacts when anyone unfamiliar pats or touches her. However she has no problem if any kid touches her, its a problem only with new adults.
I must add here that she hadn't been to any school/daycare earlier, and had never been left alone with anyone else other than me(her mom), our social life had been very poor and she hadn't been with too many people around her except for 2 short vacations that we took. So I am not able to figure out if it is separation anxiety, or if this is because of less social interaction, or is it because of a new language that she is still in the process of learning, or is it sensory integration issue.
My pediatrician says she will outgrow it, but her teachers points out those behavior and I am very concerned.
We are planning to put her in a special needs school where they have a therapy clinic, (but I guess that us going to be expensive and on private pay) is there anything else that you can point me to. We moved over to California from India just a couple of months back and still trying to figure out what to it. I would really appreciate any advice you can offer!
warm regards!
a mom
I think i really need your help and advice. My daughter just turned 3 and having trouble with the circle time at her preschool. She has no problem with other art activities, and outside play though.
She has attended school for 8 days now, 2 days a week.
She has been speaking Bengali (an Indian language), and I never trained her in English, hoping she would pick up from school. Well, she has started understanding the language now from school, but she tries to escape the circle times. First few days, she wouldn't even sit, she was just roaming around the classroom. On one day, she sat, and was asked to count the number of students, and she did it (that was one fortunate day!)
But last 2 days, she managed to sit in the circle but did not participate/respond to the teacher when asked a question.
And when it is story time, she is not paying attention, looking around/elsewhere when the teacher is reading (this is not the case at home, she loves listening to stories, and even sits for 30 minutes when I read to her and explain the stories in Bengali).
Sometimes (at school) it seems she is in her own world, and not noticing whats going on around her (this is not at all the case at home, she is very responsive every single moment).
Sometimes she is just roaming around the classroom, and the teacher had to yell "come here" to get her to sit in circle.
Could it be because of the school environment, there is so much stimuli, so she is behaving that way?
Another thing we noticed about her behavior is, she does not like being touched by people she hasn't known well enough. She loves to be cuddled by me, my husband, and some of our relatives. But she feels very uncomfortable and reacts when anyone unfamiliar pats or touches her. However she has no problem if any kid touches her, its a problem only with new adults.
I must add here that she hadn't been to any school/daycare earlier, and had never been left alone with anyone else other than me(her mom), our social life had been very poor and she hadn't been with too many people around her except for 2 short vacations that we took. So I am not able to figure out if it is separation anxiety, or if this is because of less social interaction, or is it because of a new language that she is still in the process of learning, or is it sensory integration issue.
My pediatrician says she will outgrow it, but her teachers points out those behavior and I am very concerned.
We are planning to put her in a special needs school where they have a therapy clinic, (but I guess that us going to be expensive and on private pay) is there anything else that you can point me to. We moved over to California from India just a couple of months back and still trying to figure out what to it. I would really appreciate any advice you can offer!
warm regards!
a mom
My son is three and is very hyper! I know he doesn't have ADHD because he sits and watches tv when something he likes is on. Other than watching nick jr tho or eating he is go go going! He also has fits about EVERYTHING that doesn't go his way. I've done time out and tryin to make him look at me... And well pretty much everything!!! He also attends daycare and just to argue a bit, daycare is a very good thing for children 1 and up in my thoughts. How are they going to learn social skills and make the transition to school as easy as possible? If you wait til they are past three to start teaching them behavioral and social skills it will only make things more difficult. Every child is unique and different in their own way and these teachers are just trying to help find a coping skill BEFORE they start school so that it isn't so hard on them when that transaction comes. I have recently learned something that has made everything so much easier on me and my child. I learned that he is very sensitive to peoples emotions around him. Even if we think we are hiding our personal stress from them we are not. I noticed a HUGE improvement on my son the past 2 weeks just from calming down everytime I start to feel my emotions coming. Just be happy and enjoy these stages. They will be gone before you know it. I agree that it's very hard when they are always going or talking and repeating everything they say 5 million times. But when they won't listen just sit them down, drop to where you are eye to eye and level, and talk to them calmly until they calm down. The first couple times it took me 45-60 min to get him to stop screaming and crying like I was beating him just because I was making him sit down in a chair (which is really embarrassing in public when they do this because you get scared of a secret cps worker jumping out and tackling you thinking you are abusing them) but it gets shorter everyday and it only took him a little less than a week and now I barely have any fits out of him and my stress level is as low as it's ever been. Now I get to be one of those mothers that is proud when it's not "my child" throwing the fit in church or walmart :) feels great! Hope I could help!! Just remember that you would rather have a child that does more than a child that never does anything :):) hang in there and realize how many people have a hyper 3 year old like you. You are a great mother because you are researching what is in the best interest of them!!!!
bbug2008,
I'm no expert, but it does sound like there is two problems: 1) communication and 2) misunderstanding about the relationship between speech and behavior. For #1, I would try to talk to the teacher on a daily basis to get a sense of both the "good choices" and the "sad choices" that your son is making. I would also talk to other parents to see if they are hearing similar things. It may be that it's only with a particular teacher or is the environment in general. If there is a way for you to observer your child (without being noticed), that would be ideal. For #2, you should be able to find plenty of information on the internet to support how hearing and speech can result in behavior issues. In our preschool, it was common for the teachers to say "use your words". If he can't use his words well yet, it's logical that he will be frustrated and may act out.
I'm no expert, but it does sound like there is two problems: 1) communication and 2) misunderstanding about the relationship between speech and behavior. For #1, I would try to talk to the teacher on a daily basis to get a sense of both the "good choices" and the "sad choices" that your son is making. I would also talk to other parents to see if they are hearing similar things. It may be that it's only with a particular teacher or is the environment in general. If there is a way for you to observer your child (without being noticed), that would be ideal. For #2, you should be able to find plenty of information on the internet to support how hearing and speech can result in behavior issues. In our preschool, it was common for the teachers to say "use your words". If he can't use his words well yet, it's logical that he will be frustrated and may act out.
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