3 year old suddenly terrified to sleep alone

[alisonpalk]

My three year old has always preferred to be in bed with a parent, but we could usually coax her back to her room. All of a sudden, after some minor routine change over the Xmas holidays, she is terrified to sleep in her room alone at night. We have tried lights on, various stuffed animals and books etc to no avail. She knows at least one of us is always in the next room (we even show her where we are). she knows she can come into bed with us when it gets light out. All this used to be enough, but she's suddenly really, really terrified and doesn't have the language to tell us why.
I believe this is a phase but don't know how to get her to stay in bed (she absolutely refuses; we are easily escorting her back to bed over and over until 11 or 12 every night and then again when she wakes in the night). I don't want to start habits like co-sleeping all night or having someone stay in the room until she falls asleep (and again EVERY time she wakes at night) that will be difficult to break later.any advice?

[jen46342]

Setting boundaries and sticking to them even under extreme circumstances is the hardest part of modifying a child's less than perfect behavior. Also, with the development of the child is the sense that there are other people in the world and through their natural maturity they realize they aren't made of super hero powers. They begin to manifest other realities...day dreaming or even nightmares as their world broadens and they learn in their own way that they are not solet the worl as us parents have made them for most of their young lives, but rather they are part of a large world out there. Children really have no sense of fear...it develops through everyday life.....

Set limits and stick to them.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

That's the bite the bullet part. You're the adult and you must 'take charge', even when you know it's going to create a fuss. For a time you may have to remain in or near her room, but that does not include resting beside her until she falls asleep. Another option is to employ time out if she leaves her bed. You'll still need to be vigilant, of course, but such an intervention underscorse that you mean business. There's no easy way to handle this - it's one of the tough parts of parenting.

[alisonpalk]

but how to keep her in bed when she immediately gets up and runs into our room?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Changes that appear to be small may not actually feel that way from the perspective of a three-year-old. And, when under stress, young children's behavior often deteriorates a bit or regresses. First, check to see if there's anything that you can do to reassure your daughter - i.e., if she has a particular reality-based concern. Then, you'll have to go through a bite-the-bullet phase, when you set the rules around bedtime and stick with them. You are correct in refraining from bringing your daughter in with you or getting into the routine of falling asleep with her. Neither will be useful in the long run. Don't expect this to resolve right away, but over time she will adapt to the routine.