3 year old with anger problems

[onatalia]

Hello. Last week my son just had his 3 year child check up. He is doing great in all areasis, a very inteligent boy not on any medications. I expressed to the pediatrician my concern about my sons expression of anger.  He just said that I have to get it under control.  Letting me know that that’s my job to deal with it.
Every time my son does not get his way he throws things.  What ever is within his reach . I have spanked his hand every time he threw something. That didn't change his behavior a bit. Talked to him several times when he is calm and showed him different ways to express his anger.  He refuses to mind any of them.   He has always been like that.  Even now in daycare he is the most aggressive one there.  He is very strong willed and I don’t know how to change his way of expressing his anger.

[aunt_tammy]

I have a 3 year old nephew who seems to be the normal little "all boy" except when he is disciplined.  However this is not an always thing.  He seems to be strong willed and has his mind all made up when you get on to him.  Most of the time when he stays at my house I can ask him to do something and he will, no questions asked.  Other times I will have to repeat my self a couple of times and take away what ever he is playing with at the time to get him to do what he is told.  Once I got onto him and he went into this tantrum where he was hitting himself, pinching his arms, and pulling his hair.  This went on for about 10 minutes, crying and screaming too.  I tried talking to him and he would not listen.  I simply explained I would not tolerate that kind of behavior and when he was ready to be a big boy and talk to me with words we would.  After about 10 minutes he was ready to talk.  We dried up all tears he stood in front of me at eye level and we talked about why his actions were wrong and what he should have done instead.  past that I ahve had no problems with him.  He plays well with his brother getting wild and crazy at times of course.  But I have seen him with his dad and step mom and he is like a different child.  He has those fits all the time whenever they tell him what to do.  He gets so angry at himself he will start hitting himself and pulling his hair and scratching himself.  I have never seen anything like it.  Just yesterday i went to see him at his parents house and he was not acting like himself.  He seemed "zombie" like for lack of a better word.  His eyes were glassed over and pupils were dialated.  He showed almost NO emotion through out the day.  I asked the dad what was up with him and he told me he was on a new medicine.  I asked what and he could not remember but said it was for Bi-polar.  Well then I wanted to go into a rage.  I feel like this is completly wrong and unnecessary.  However I do not know what to do or how to talk to the parents.  I am very worried about my nephew.  Please help!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The pediatrician offered you some wise guidance, but it sounds like you need more specifics about how to manage the behavior. Without doubt, the most effective strategy for managing such behavior (as those who regularly read this Forum will know) is that outlined by Lynn Clark in his very useful, practical manual titled SOS Help for Parents (see www.sosprograms.com). Follow the plan in detail and you'll see improvement.