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3 yr 9 mo boy - increased "zoning out" and preschool problems
Over the last 2 months, our 3 year 9 month old son has begun having difficulties when arriving at school. He goes 3 mornings a week. Recently (as in last 2 or 3 weeks) he also has increased periods of "zoning out" where he appears to not hear us and sort of stares off into space. Should we look deeper for a medical reason or could this be normal?
With preschool, it's arrival time that he has issue with -- we talk about having fun at school, he likes his friends, and when it's not a school day, he indicates that he misses his friends. Some mornings, he wakes up and asks if it's a school day -- not sure whether he wants it to be or not. His teacher called 3 weeks ago to ask if anything was going on at home because she's noticed it too -- increased trouble with transitions during the day, saying he doesn't want to do the next activity, not putting his own coat on when it's time for outside play (waiting for her to help him), etc. He has also taken to brief, ridiculous fits of tears (big fake ones that stop on a dime if you tell him it's unacceptable and don't encourage it) after his daddy drops him off -- he walks inside, greets his teachers and seems happy, then shortly afterwards cries that he "wants to give his daddy more love or high fives" . After these episodes and throughout the day, teacher indicates that once he's into the next activity, he enjoys it, has fun, participates, etc. Educationally, he does fine, "knows all the answers" and has an excellent memory according to his teacher. She doesn't think this is a "developmental" problem, but she does think it's a behavior problem. He's sort of been doing the same thing at home -- trying to "whine" or cry for help doing things we know he can do, won't go into his own room down the hall w/o us because "it's dark in there" (even in daytime sometimes) and acts as if he can't do it without our help. It's like he wants us to come along and hold his hand. He has a 10 month old brother who he loves but who is going through a very demanding stage right now too.
The zoning out happens at odd times -- when he's sitting on the potty, you can have a discussion w/ him and it's like he doesn't hear you. Same in bathtub, at dinner table or when he's watching tv. It's like he's lost in thought, staring off into space, his face looks vacant but his body posture remains normal and he may continue to absently move his hands or bounce his feet during these times. It's as if he has something better on his mind and can't hear while he's processing it. We can call his name several times and he eventually re-engages and acts as if it didn't happen. Is he choosing to ignore us? Is this normal for an almost 4 year old?
As background, over the last 6 months, he's had extensive analysis by pediatricians, 2 pediatric neurologists, pedicatric clinical psychologist, and local ChildFind (social, emotional, speech/language, OT, PT) program because he has some stereotypies with his arms/hands and he toe-walks. I pursued evaluations to try to get to an explanation about his "bonus physical activities" because every other aspect of his development and behavior seemed age appropriate and normal. Every evaluation came back as he is NOT autistic, no PDD-NOS or Aspergers. Formal tests indicate he has normal, above average or superior level skills in expressive and receptive language, speech, comprehension, cognitive, adaptive skills and social and emotional development. He is very socially engaged, has friends at school and home, is snuggly/loving, curious asks tons of "why" questions, carries on conversations, knows alphabet for almost 2 years, counts through 70s or 80s, does lots of creative/imaginary play, makes up songs. Teachers and ChildFind indicate they think he is "quite bright", someone even hinted that it's "too early to do IQ tests" (not sure what that meant). He hit all developmental milestones age appropriately -- walking, talking, feeding himself, etc. -- but has always done some manner of arm motion. The only findings were that he had minor physical delays (3-4 month in gross motor and 6 in fine motor - can't cross midline, loose grip on pencil, etc.) ChildFind and both neurologists indicate that he is not on the spectrum -- that lots of otherwise normally developing children have stereotypies and that most outgrow them with time but that his motor delays are undoubtedly related to a "soft" or "slow to develop" neurological system. Both neurologists said his neurological evaluation is completely normal. We take him to OT once a week to try to catch up on fine motor. He likes being successful, but he seems to be a perfectionist and gets very frustrated when he can't draw things perfectly as he knows he should -- makes him reluctant sometimes to try. I've tried to come to terms with the fact that he's "normal but got stereotypies and a slow developing physical/neurological system".
As a parent who's obviously been concerned about autism spectrum, every time I see new or troublesome behavior, I can't help but question "is this normal?" Every little thing he does causes me to panic again. Is zoning out and his transition problem at school a normal stage that some almost 4 year olds go through? Is it related to his brothers behavior and need for attention? Should we just continue our setting boundaries and limits and treating it like behavior problem? Or should we look for more?
Thanks for your advice!
With preschool, it's arrival time that he has issue with -- we talk about having fun at school, he likes his friends, and when it's not a school day, he indicates that he misses his friends. Some mornings, he wakes up and asks if it's a school day -- not sure whether he wants it to be or not. His teacher called 3 weeks ago to ask if anything was going on at home because she's noticed it too -- increased trouble with transitions during the day, saying he doesn't want to do the next activity, not putting his own coat on when it's time for outside play (waiting for her to help him), etc. He has also taken to brief, ridiculous fits of tears (big fake ones that stop on a dime if you tell him it's unacceptable and don't encourage it) after his daddy drops him off -- he walks inside, greets his teachers and seems happy, then shortly afterwards cries that he "wants to give his daddy more love or high fives" . After these episodes and throughout the day, teacher indicates that once he's into the next activity, he enjoys it, has fun, participates, etc. Educationally, he does fine, "knows all the answers" and has an excellent memory according to his teacher. She doesn't think this is a "developmental" problem, but she does think it's a behavior problem. He's sort of been doing the same thing at home -- trying to "whine" or cry for help doing things we know he can do, won't go into his own room down the hall w/o us because "it's dark in there" (even in daytime sometimes) and acts as if he can't do it without our help. It's like he wants us to come along and hold his hand. He has a 10 month old brother who he loves but who is going through a very demanding stage right now too.
The zoning out happens at odd times -- when he's sitting on the potty, you can have a discussion w/ him and it's like he doesn't hear you. Same in bathtub, at dinner table or when he's watching tv. It's like he's lost in thought, staring off into space, his face looks vacant but his body posture remains normal and he may continue to absently move his hands or bounce his feet during these times. It's as if he has something better on his mind and can't hear while he's processing it. We can call his name several times and he eventually re-engages and acts as if it didn't happen. Is he choosing to ignore us? Is this normal for an almost 4 year old?
As background, over the last 6 months, he's had extensive analysis by pediatricians, 2 pediatric neurologists, pedicatric clinical psychologist, and local ChildFind (social, emotional, speech/language, OT, PT) program because he has some stereotypies with his arms/hands and he toe-walks. I pursued evaluations to try to get to an explanation about his "bonus physical activities" because every other aspect of his development and behavior seemed age appropriate and normal. Every evaluation came back as he is NOT autistic, no PDD-NOS or Aspergers. Formal tests indicate he has normal, above average or superior level skills in expressive and receptive language, speech, comprehension, cognitive, adaptive skills and social and emotional development. He is very socially engaged, has friends at school and home, is snuggly/loving, curious asks tons of "why" questions, carries on conversations, knows alphabet for almost 2 years, counts through 70s or 80s, does lots of creative/imaginary play, makes up songs. Teachers and ChildFind indicate they think he is "quite bright", someone even hinted that it's "too early to do IQ tests" (not sure what that meant). He hit all developmental milestones age appropriately -- walking, talking, feeding himself, etc. -- but has always done some manner of arm motion. The only findings were that he had minor physical delays (3-4 month in gross motor and 6 in fine motor - can't cross midline, loose grip on pencil, etc.) ChildFind and both neurologists indicate that he is not on the spectrum -- that lots of otherwise normally developing children have stereotypies and that most outgrow them with time but that his motor delays are undoubtedly related to a "soft" or "slow to develop" neurological system. Both neurologists said his neurological evaluation is completely normal. We take him to OT once a week to try to catch up on fine motor. He likes being successful, but he seems to be a perfectionist and gets very frustrated when he can't draw things perfectly as he knows he should -- makes him reluctant sometimes to try. I've tried to come to terms with the fact that he's "normal but got stereotypies and a slow developing physical/neurological system".
As a parent who's obviously been concerned about autism spectrum, every time I see new or troublesome behavior, I can't help but question "is this normal?" Every little thing he does causes me to panic again. Is zoning out and his transition problem at school a normal stage that some almost 4 year olds go through? Is it related to his brothers behavior and need for attention? Should we just continue our setting boundaries and limits and treating it like behavior problem? Or should we look for more?
Thanks for your advice!
I agree with LRM1021's comments. I applaud your tenacity to find a logical explanation for your child's behaviors. I don't have any answers, but I have seen this behavior before. I supervised groups of children after school and there was a five year old who behaved similarly to your son. I was certain he had a hearing problem and was quite surprised that a hearing test came back as normal. For my own info, I made loud, clapping sounds behind him, once when he was "zoned out" and again when he was alert and playing. No response when zoning, but a startled jump when he was playing. I could see he could not help what he was doing. He was not as fortunate as your son - his parents did not seek help, but severely punished him when he didn't respond to them. Diagnosing a 3 year old may seem hasty to the medical community, but if you need answers, keep looking. TRUST your instincts!
I think you have done an exhaustive evaluation of your child and it sounds like he is progressing along just fine.
I also think that kids go through stages -- he may be in a transition stage that makes him more nostalgic for home/ parents at this time. I find that children go through that kind of stage when they are about to make a big leap in social/ intellectual development-- like they need a bit more security before their brains take them to the next level of independence.
Now--- the not hearing you/ spacing out thing-- you need to talk to a dr about this. A lot of times kids ignore their parents-- willfully. In your case, it sounds like you are describing a child who is unintentionally ignoring you. This warrants investigation by a dr. I don't think this is a symptom of PDD or autism, though. But it should be investigated.
I also think that kids go through stages -- he may be in a transition stage that makes him more nostalgic for home/ parents at this time. I find that children go through that kind of stage when they are about to make a big leap in social/ intellectual development-- like they need a bit more security before their brains take them to the next level of independence.
Now--- the not hearing you/ spacing out thing-- you need to talk to a dr about this. A lot of times kids ignore their parents-- willfully. In your case, it sounds like you are describing a child who is unintentionally ignoring you. This warrants investigation by a dr. I don't think this is a symptom of PDD or autism, though. But it should be investigated.
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