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3.6 year old boy refuses all potty training tactics. Best way to proceed?

My son is 3 years & 7 months old.  We have been potty training him since he was 2.5 years.  He has peed in the toilet 1x and pooped 1x (MONTHS ago).  Nothing more.  I have tried incentives (stickers, sticker charts, lolipops, toy cars, parties, cake, balloons, presants, Wiggles concert tickets, trips to the Children's Museum, & a trip on a REAL airplane to Orlando...we're going in January either way).  Recently, I said "No more TV & No more computer until you use the potty.  Those things are for big kids."  Each time he goes, he gets 30 minutes screen time.  He has happily gone a week now without TV & Computer or the potty.

I have talked about "Babies in Diaper" and "Big Boys in underwear".  I have tried asking him to "Help Mommy".  I have talked about how "Proud Mommy, & Daddy, & Grandma...etc." will be.  I have talked about all the big kids at preschool (He's the only one out of all 24 in diapers...including boys 1 year younger than him).  The teacher at school works with him every day too.

I asked a child psychologist about it about 6 months ago and he said.  "Just put him in underwear.  It's messy, but who's going to get more uncomfortable first, him or you?"  The answer: Me.  My boy would lay in pee and/or poop soaked clothed for hours before concenting to "be responsible for himself" and take off his soiled clothes.  After awhile, I would contain him (and the mess in his bedroom until he concented to get cleaned up.  I never yelled, I just stated the concequences for his actions and followed through with them.

I have also tried dropping the subject entire.  My boy is thrilled with that.  It's his dream come true...never using the potty.  I have never forced him to sit on the potty when he was upset.  I usually ask him if he wants to...he always says no.  Sometimes, I strongly encourage him with stories, etc. He will sit there.  He has no fear of sitting there (pantsless).  

I believe he does not want to let go of his "baby ways".  I believe he doesn't want to be "bothered".  I also believe he enjoys the power he has by "not doing what Mommy wants".  I KNOW he is physically ready to be potty trained.  He usually wakes up dry.  If I mention it and suggest the potty, he immediately pees in his diaper.  Then, he may or may not agree to sit there, but by then, there's no point.  EVERY TIME he sits on the potty, he pees or poops beforehand...holds it while on the potty...then pees/poops again IMMEDIATELY after.  Not using the potty is VERY deliberate.

My question is...what is the best way for me to proceed.  He definately doesn't want to use the potty, but could care less about extrinsic or intrinsic rewards.  I'm afrain if I completely let it go he will just think..."FINALLY, she's stopped bugging me."  Also, my son has been wearing Goodnights underpants for over a year now because he is a very tall kid and outgrew all diapers & pull-ups before he was even ready to potty train.  Help!  This is SO expensive & frustrating!  Thanks!
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Avatar universal
A related discussion, potty training was started.
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Avatar universal
Hi. I posted a while ago but noticed that no posts when the problem has been solved to help others. Not long after I posted. My son did his usual poo in his pants. I asked him to sit on the potty whilst I sorted his clothes out. Completely by accident some poo fell into the potty( he didn't realise). When he stood up- he was amazed to see it and very proud of himself!! He had lots if praise, songs and special 'poo poo' sweets. He was quite happy to sit in it again to see what happens. Eventually he started going on his own and now it's all cracked. He still gets his ' poo poo' sweets and everyones happy. So don't worry out there. It will be alright, just stay calm- it won't last for long!!
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Avatar universal
Lol I just tried on having my 3 yr old child naked today, to see wether he would feel inconfortable .after an 1 hr he cried desperately for a pull up so he can poop, but I didnt provide him with one, we went straight to the restroom and after 3 minutes he was pushing n finally did his #2 wow im so surprised it worked...thnx Kathat...
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Avatar universal
Hi all. I have a 3 yr old boy who will go to wee on the potty only if I take him. Everytime he will try to produce something, even if it's just a dribble. He has never done a poo on the potty and shows no signs of wanting to. He is quite happy to stay in soiled clothes but will tell me that he has done a wee. I do try to reward him positively with sweets, stickers etc when he does a wee but it is so tiring constantly thinking about it and clearing up the mess if I don't take him to the potty. My question is, do I carry on taking him all the time and hope one day he will do it himself when he wants a wee or let him tell me either when he has been or needs a wee and hope he gets there in time? This has been going in for about 4 months now. I know it's early days still but I NEED HELP!!!!
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Avatar universal
A related discussion, 7yrs old boy that wont poo on the toilet was started.
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Avatar universal
A related discussion, Prefers Diaper was started.
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