Bright 5 year old displaying worrying behaviour

[chelle123]

My son who just turned 5 displays some very worrying behaviour and it is starting to effect both of us negatively. I'm a single mum (since he was 2) and he has contact with his father every other weekend. My son can't seem to control his anger or disappointment and when he is upset or hurts himself he looks around for something to throw or hits me or others around him. He has been in trouble at school for pushing and hitting and sometimes when I'm even joking with him or having a laugh he will grunt at me and say "I hate you" or "it's not funny". I am not teasing him in this instance but maybe just laughing at the tv with him and trying to have some fun with him so that in itself I find not right. He is very bright and spends time making things and does things a lot of 5 year olds don't do but he seems to have no empathy for hitting or throwing things and has very little impulse control. I have tried to ignore bad behaviour, I've tried putting him on the stairs to sit quietly and he just freaks and says he's sorry but yet he doesn't modify his beahviour. We are very close and do lots of things together like feeding ducks, going to the park etc but I am starting to worry what he will do next and I now have freinds who won't let their children play with him anymore. I love him with all of my heart and want to sort this out before it leads to other problems. He has been very energetic since he was a baby, is very out going and seems happy most of the time, I feed him a good diet and we have a pretty stable routine. I need help as it is starting to really get me down and I know soemthing isn't right. What can I do? I wondered if he had ADHD when he was little but they told me you can't diagnose until 6.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your additional information leads in the direction od some developmental problem, but the only way to figure this out is through an evaluation. You will be making a mistake if you try to handle this by yourself. The book you are planning to read is very informative, but for practical plans re: management of behavior you will benefit more from SOS: Help for Parents.

[chelle123]

I also wanted to add, my child can be affectionate at times but it is always on his terms. Sometimes if I rub his leg or ask for a cuddle he grunts at me. Is this a contol thing or soemthing else as with the above issues? He also is still in diapers at night and has no desire to try to go dry. I've tried everything and he just isn't bothered. He was premature by 5 weeks and weighed 3lbs 11 oz due to my SLE Lupus but had no apparent health problems apart from being small. I relaly need help as he can be a sweet little boy but his lack of empathy (though his teacher says he wants to please - although he does get in trouble for pushing etc - about 7 times at school sicne Sept). Is this mild autism, ad/hd, or just a behavioural problem? I am ordering the book The Challenging Child and hope this will help me but want to get to the bottom of it if there are problems that need addressing medically.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It is true that it can be difficult to diagnose ADHD at a very young age, but it is possible. Nonetheless, the sort of aggressive behavior he displays is not symptomatic of ADHD and, even if he does display ADHD, he clearly has other difficulties as well. At his age, it may well be that the most sensible plan for intervention will ultimately be a systematic plan of behavior management (for such a plan see Lynn Clark's book, SOS: Help for Parents). But you should definitely arrange an evaluation with a pediatric mental health professional to clarify the diagnosis and develop a plan for intervention.