4 year old pooping in his pants at preschool

[kim837]

I'm not sure what to do about my son.  He turned 4 in July and has been potty trained since 2 months before he turned 3.  So over a year.  He has not had any poop accidents since potty training except when he was sick with diarrhea once months ago.  He started preschool for the first time 3 weeks ago.  Up until now he has been home with me all the time and has never been in daycare or preschool.  He is a little nervous about it all and has a few tears when I drop him off.  But he likes it and always has a good time and is happy when I pick him and he tells me all about what he did that day.  Twice now he has pooped in his pants.  The first time was at the end of the day and I had arrived to pick him up and the teacher asked me to come in and help him because she obviously has to watch the class.  He was trying to hold it but couldn't and thus the accident.  He doesn't like to wipe himself and we have been making him do it at home but I don't think he feels comfortable going at school and having to wipe by himself.  Anyway, today on the playground was a big accident.  He peed and pooped in his pants.  He told his teacher and went to the bathroom to check and of course created a mess in the bathroom.  Luckily another teacher came to help clean it all and him up but I am so embarassed and don't know what to do with him.  He's nervous about school so I don't want to be mad or upset but he needs to know this isn't acceptable either.  I told him just to go to the bathroom and wipe the best he can and not to worry about doing it perfect but that he cannot go poop in his pants anymore.  What should I do?

[concernedmommy84]

A related discussion, My 3 and 4 year old Wont Poop in Toilet was started.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

This situation is going to require a very patient and suportive approach on the parts of you and the school. The incidents are clearly associated with his anxiety about this new experience. He will be fine - don't overreact to these couple of incidents. Work out an arrangement whereby he can visit the bathroom several times/day while at school. He will be come more comfortable over time.