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Avatar universal

5 year old in trouble every day in kindergarten

My 5 year old son has been getting "sad faces" every day in kindergarten.  There are always multiple comments from his teacher, mostly with regard to not working when others are working, talking in the bathroom, crawling around on the floor, and not walking "nicely" in line.  He can be very obstinant at home. It seems as everything is met with defiance ("I don't want to...."). He tends to grunt or stomp when asked to do something.  Even though he has learned his sight words and performs well academically, he always voices that he doesn't want to learn...that he would rather play.  He can read all of his sight words but will read with an exasperated voice.  All he wants to do is play!  As with many other 5 year old boys, he is very self centered, does not like to share, HATES to lose at anything.  He has a 2 year old brother and they are typical in terms of getting along one minute and fighting the next. I feel like he has changed since his brother was born.  His brother is almost 3 now! Should we not be seeing some changes.  My husband and I take away privileges, spank when deemed appropriate, and send him to his room for time outs.  We set up a reward system and that worked for about 2 weeks but he returned to acting out behavior in school.  When in preschool his last year before kindergarted he often got reports of being "disobedient" by the teachers (this was a Christian Academy).  When asked why he acts out he will often reply, "Because I wantede to" or "I thought about it doing it and I did it." I am at my wit's end.  Naturally, my thoughts go to ADD or Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  I feel guilty because I am beginning to dislike my child.  Please help!
8 Responses
Avatar universal
help.... i have the same problem with my child too....
Avatar universal
For the most part many of these issues are the same ones i went through and am still dealing with with my son. He's in first grade now, but he had similar issues in K and also went to a Christian pre school. I hope someone on the forum has some answers for you (and me). Good luck!!!
Avatar universal
It sounds like your son may be having some ongoing adjustment issues that may be going hand in hand with just some plain old kid issues!  Have you had him evaluated by the pediatrician for the possibility of ADHD or ODD???  I know you said you had thought of these... it is definitely worth having him assessed by the pediatrician.  Also, his doctor should be able to give you some names of referred psychologist who may be able to talk with your son to see if he is having some adjustment problems to being in school for the first time as well as becoming comfortable with the idea of having a sibling.  It never hurts to have your child talk with a professional to gain insight as to what their thoughts and feelings are... it's amazing, but sometimes they will open up more with others than with you because they are not as worried about disappointing the other individuals or giving the wrong answer to them.  Either way, it's usually informative and helpful.  Good luck!
973741 tn?1342346373
I don't know exactly what is going on with your kids.  I have a child that had similar problems in preschool.  He was a true handful and many days were filled with his having angry outbursts, not doing any activities, or crying.  Some of the things that he was doing made no sense.  For example, washing his hands was a nightmare.  He'd have a total meltdown over it.  And if his shirt got a little water on it----  watch out. He'd knock over other kids block structures or dump out bins.  His preschool (also a Christian preschool)  suggested an evaluation by an occuptional therapist.  I was flabergasted---  my kid is really smart and met all developmental milestones on time.  But I went through the evaluation process.  I am so thrilled that I did-----  my kid has a faulty nervous system and has sensory integration disorder.  We do occupational therapy once a week and lots of things at home-----  and now he is functioning really well.  He's in kindergarten and has had only one semi bad day this year----  MIRACLE.  

So, I don't know what is going on with your kids. But an evaluation is a good idea.  My son's behavior on the outside was indicative of how bad he felt on the inside.  I do have to really seperate what is his sensory integration disorder and what is normal kid stuff that I must discipline for . . . as I'm sure that plays a role with every child.  But the evaluation we had and addressing his specific needs has resulted in a boy who I'm being told has above average behavior for his age now.  (I'm telling you-----  that is like a miracle!!)  Also, physical activity is really important for some kids.  It has a direct link with behavior.  That definately is the case with my boy. Good luck--- this is hard stuff figuring out what to do to help our children.  
Avatar universal
My son is very similar to your son. Not exact but very similar. You can read my thread... School Issues-Kindergarten...I have received a lot of useful information...and if you read through all the comments...you might find the information useful too.

All I can say is I understand your frustration.
189897 tn?1441130118
COMMUNITY LEADER
    Based on what you have said, I don't think his behavior is that unusual.  Frankly he sounds bored.  ADD or ODD is always a possibility, but not based on the short list of symptoms you described.
   In terms of discipline.  There is virtually nothing you can do at home in terms of rewards for activities that have been done in the past or occur in the future.  A child of this age cannot process long term cause and effect.  It really is on the Kindergarten teacher.  
    By the way, how experienced is she and what does she do when he isn't following their rules.  And their rules include, "not talking in the bathroom".  And not walking nicely in line - geez.  also is he not working when others are working because he has finished, has not started, or is frustrated?  You really need a lot more info from the teacher.
  Finally, in terms of your own discipline - spanking is not appropriate unless he has engaged in a life threatening situation  PERIOD.   Consistency is highly important.  I get the feeling that he is intelligent (could be wrong, need more info) enough to  manipulating manipulate his enviroment.  I recommend that you get   Lynn Clarks' book, "SOS: Help for Parents", and read it.
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