5 year old tantrums or abnormal behavior?

[jl1434]

Since my child was about 3 I have believed that her tantrums were abnormal. She becomes so worked up that she no longer is aware of her surroundings or of what people are saying. She has become aggressive, not so much at someone specifically but at things around her. For two years doctors have told me "oh she is 3" or " oh she is 4". She has now entered all day Kindergarten, which she loves, but in three weeks she has had several episodes of these tantrums at school. One day she started kicking over stools and the teacher had to evacuate the other children from the classroom and call for help. My husband and I are exhausted and don't know what to do. We have talked to her, taken away things, spanked, given time-outs and it seems like there is no improvement. Normally the tantrums were just with us at home, but now her behavior has put other students at school at risk. What should we do?

[Chrismast]

If you think that the behavior could be described as "rage", if it is unusual given your child's personality or if when it started it seemed quite sudden and without logical explanation I would seek out a "Lyme Literate" doctor.  We went through this for years with our daughter and we knew she had Lyme.  Rage, depression, anxiety are some of the more common symptoms of lyme but I wouldn't expect your PC to know that.  We had to find all of this out by putting it together ourselves.  If your doctor tells you it can't be Lyme then just know I can tell you for sure that it could be given what we have lived with everyday.  With proper medical treatment she got better.  You can go to www.underourskin.com or www.ILADS.com for more info.  PS if your child also has been diagnosed with an "auto immune" disease then all the more convincing.

[chip1800]

My 5 year old grandson has had many disruptions in his life. His mother has lived with his father for the first two-moved back home with her parents along with second child-married a man for six months-moved back home with her parents-married another man.
The 5 year wets his bed-urinates on his toys-destroys his room -lies-steals toys from other kids at school-destroys his books-colors on walls and lacks comperhension skills  only when at home with his mother. When he is at my house or others overnight or for weekend he does not display any of this behavior.
The mother is selfish-unloving toward him brings people in and out of his life and will not take any advise either though she is trying to find a doctor that will put him on some medication.
I have explained that my grandson seems very angry-he never knows what to expect-his world is always being changed and the behavior he is displaying is only around her.
Any suggestions on what I can do or approach her without making her so angry that she will also take me out of my grandchildrens life?

[Natta1980]

I dunno - my psychiatrist says that hospitalization with young children should be used as a very last resort...usually applies to older children that can actually do harm...He also stated that long-term effect of behavioral meds on children is not known - it can mess with whole range of things..She did not mention any behavior modifications or whether her daughter even has a diagnosis? They do not hospitalize for tantrums. And it is somewhat pointless to get child medicated when you do not know what the route cause is. It could be emotional, neuro, etc.....Evaluation by team of professionals is needed.

Spankings, time-outs, taking things away DO NOT WORK with children whose behavioral issues are neurological in nature. They are not behavior modification methods either. Try dissecting her behaviors, what triggers it, what reaction does she get, and what happenes after. Keep records. Usually you are able to find what is reinforcing for the child and remove it, first behavior gets worse, than it gets better and hopefully disappears (one day, when your child is about 25 y.o):)

You also did not say what usually causes her tantrums? Things around her? Changes? She wants things to work certain way? Is she showing any rigidity? Aversion to certain things? Sensory disturbances?

Please talk to a good child psychiatrist/psychologist.

School may want to implement supports for whatever she has issues with (transition, scheduling)

Good luck

[babygirl6152]

I imagine they have already tried behavior modification- I would go for hospitalization if there was a good plan- and it included behavior modification, meds, and treatment. Why are people scared of medicine- If my child had an injry that was physical I would never withhold treatment- When someone is dangerous to themselves or others - and threatening to kill it may just be time for drastic measures. She didn't say it was an occasional or one time tantrum- it "fills our days and nights" and that there are other children in the home to protect....
praying for you all

[Natta1980]

mama6216

Hospitalized? Run away from that counselor! Fast! It is absolutely unprofessional, it is amazes me how she did not get canned already.

Get a good psych doctor that does not resort to drugs immediately, but rather prefer behaviour modification methods


Good luck

[mama6216]

My husband and I are in the same situation.  Our daughter has just turned 5 and she has always has tantrum that I thought were abnormal, but now she is attacking her teachers, us and I am afraid soon enough our 2 year old son.  Kicking, biting, scratching, words of "i hate you, i'll kill" fill our days and nights, as well as daycare.  We are meeting with a psychologist next week and I am afraid that won't be soon enough.  Our oldest see's a counselor who said that if the 5 year old was her patient she would have her hospitalized as she is clearly becoming a danger to others around her.  I am as lost at you.  My advice is to get help now and if your pediatrician doen't see a problem, go over her head and right to a psych. Dr.