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5 yr old behaviour

My 5 yr old daughter is out of control and manages to embarrass me every day. When I ask her to get ready to leave daycare, school, swimming, or basically anywhere she goes so slow. I tell her to hurry up or to pay attention to what I have asked her to do to get ready and she cries that her hands are tired, her legs are tired, or any other excuse that seems to fit the situation. She will sit on the floor and throw a full on tantrum until I lose my patience. Then she loses it even more with loud, dramatic, fakey crying.  The same thing happens when she is asked to do anything she does not feel like doing at the time. In addition to this frustrating behavior she has been getting lazy about her personal hygiene. She constantly forgets to wipe her bum after using the toilet and frequently is found to be walking around with dirty underwear on. I have tried several different approaches to both problems. I have grounded her off of t.v., toys, games, outings, and none of these things seem to bother her. I have spanked her and used a variety of time out ideas and counting. Some things will work for a day or so like the time outs but then its like she doesn't care at all. I am at my wits end with this child.  I need to find out what the cause for this nonchalant behavior is and find a solution before she drives me crazy. These tantrums started about a year ago and instead of improving her behavior seems to be getting worse by the day. No amount of positive or negative reinforcement seems to help. What do I do next?
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Avatar universal
I have made some headway in the past two days since I have told my Daughter that all activities are suspended for her until further notice but that I still get to go. I am a "leader" fpr the group she attends. I also sat her down after a particularily bad day the other day and had a good talk with her and she seems to be trying. I guess I just have to keep at it.
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Avatar universal
I should clarify that my daughter does want to come home. She just wants me to dress her and carry all her stuff. Its most likely a jealousy thing because thats what I do for her sister who is 1yr old.
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281956 tn?1191859164
I wanted to add too in respect to your comment "When I ask her to get ready to leave daycare, school, swimming, or basically anywhere she goes so slow." This is because she knows your going to wait for her. There were several days my daughter went to school in her Pj's because she took to long to get ready. She's still slower than my son, but after a few embarassing moments in school, she makes sure she eats and gets dressed before i'm done =]
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281956 tn?1191859164
Your daughter sounds like my daughter!!! Except mine is 4. I call her the slow motion girl. This is harsh but it worked for me...All i did was one day when i was fed up with it I took her to the store (on a Friday after school), purchased pullups for girls, 2 pairs of feety pj's and borrowed a playpen from my brother. Brought her back home made her put all her underwear in a garbage bag. Everytime she asked me what I was doing I didn't reply. After I set up the playpen and cleared out her underwear I gave her a bath and put a pull-up on her. She started crying saying that she wasn't a baby and didn't want to wear a diaper. I ignored her and continued doing what I was doing. I put diaper rash cream on her butt because it was red and then put her in the feety pj's. When I was done I picked her up like a baby and told her that because she wants to act like a baby and emabrass me in pubic by acting like a baby I was going to treat her like one so I wouldn't be embarassed anymore. I told her that she was not to walk around or anything. I then placed her in the playpen with a few toys. She was screaming that she didn't want to be in there... i ignored her. I also borrowed a highchair from my brother and got her old car seat from the basement. She, on several occasions, climbed out of the play-pen, I didn't yell at her I just said "no no sweetheart, you have to stay inside here where your safe. be good for mommy now" and placed her back inside. I changed her pull up every 3 hours (even tho they were not soiled) applied diaper rash and put on a clean one. Several times she said she had to go to the bathroom and I simply said "you have a diaper on sweetheart, baby's go po-po and pee-pee in there diapers" She, unwanting to, used the diaper. For supper I placed a bib on her and put her into the high chair and fed her baby food (our meal but put into a blender to make it look like baby food) I gave her drinks in a bottle. Trust me she didn't like to be treated like a baby. When we went anywhere I would put her in the "baby" car seat (just one that didn't use actual seat belts and had the harnass still) She HATED the embarassment of being treated like a baby when guests were over or we were in public. (I went out more then usual that weekend) On Sunday when she woke up she was crying that she didn't want to be a baby anymore. I ignored her request and continued treating her like a baby thru supper. After supper I gave her a bath and while she was out getting dryed off I stopped and talked to her about her being treated like a baby all weekend. She said she HATED it and began to get upset again. I explained that her screaming fits out in public and soiling her underwear make her a baby and if she wanted to be a baby I would treat her like one. She said she was a big girl and wanted to be treated like a big girl. I said ok, would you like to try to be a big girl again? After an affirmative answer I explained to her the behavior I expected her to have as a "big girl". She said ok and I gave her her underwear and big kid pj's back. (btw I left her in those feety pj's all weekend). I explained to her that night and the next day that instead of throwing a fit that she could just ask for things and would probably get them. I told her that this was a test, if she could act like a big girl all week she could stay a big girl, but if she didn't then i would put her back into the diapers and treat her like a baby again. This worked. I mean along with ignoring her small tantrums at home and timeouts. But there was a drastic change in her behavior. It took a lot for me to do this and you might not be at that point yet, but I couldn't take it anymore. I have 2 children very close in age and didn't want my son to learn my daughters "ways". It's a little extreme, but it did teach her a valuable lesson that if  you act like something people are going to start treating you like it as well. I also went and got the book SOS Help for Parents by Lynn Clark and that helped tremendously. I would highly reccommend it!!!! Good Luck! If you do decide to try this be prepared for critizism, because it's going to come from EVERYWHERE (family, friends, and strangers) Stick to your guns and remember baby's can't talk so therefore act as if you can't understand her requests. talk to her using baby talk... Like I said it's extreme but harmless. Also, a few weeks later my daughter came to me and said that the toilet paper hurt her butt... it was red. I went out and bought flushable baby wipes and told her to use one every time so it would feel better. She hasn't had a red butt or an issue sense. Good Luck in whatever you decide!!!
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
Are you saying that when you come to pick her up from daycare,  or school,  or anywhere where she is away from you,  she's unwilling to leave and stalls and says she's too tired to go with you?

This is really baffling - what do you think this is?  This sounds like she is purposely trying to embarrass you in public - the only other explanation I can think of that would cause this is that the child's home is extremely abusive,  and this sounds like it's not the case at all.  I don't believe your home is abusive.  

Best wishes -  I hope you get good answers.  It really sounds like she is trying to show you up in public.

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