5 yr old talking about sex

[Missy8809]

My five year old step son came home from school last week and everthing was normal. He came home told me about his day, showed me his homework, and told me what he learned. He went to play in the toy room and I walked in to ask him what sounded good for dinner, and saw him with two Teddy bears, I asked him what his Teddy bears were doing, and he said "having sex".....I was stunned. I said what do you mean, he explained that the girl has to be on top of the boy and that means they are having sex. I asked who told him that, he said a kid at school. I explained as nicely as I could that what he was doing was inappropriate and was not something kids should talk about or do. He went on playing normally, and about an hour later, I heard kissing noises. I listened at the door and he was doing it again, but a little more "explicit" if u will. I asked him what they were doing, he said "the boy is kissing the girls boobies" I once again as calmly as I could, asked him where he learned that and he said a kid at school. I told him that was innappropriate and decided to stop him from playing and distracted him by having him help me cook dinner.  I informed his teacher and she talked with him about it, and he wouldn't say a word. We told him he wasn't in trouble, nut we need to know who taught him these things. He wouldn't talk so we left it alone, thinking he was scared to get into trouble.  Two days went by and it's gettin worse. He again told me that he learned it at school. As it got worse, I started to worry that a kid at school was telling him these things and that kid was being hurt. I went into the school today and talked with the counseler and principal about it, and they say there Is no way he picked it up from school. I know 100% that he has not seen it from his dAd and I, and all if the TVs are locked so only the cartoon channel can be watched without entering a long password.    Am I wrong for thinking it's still from school??? What should I do??

[everlastingbabies]

You are right to want to make sure no child is being hurt.  There is too much risk and should not be ignored.  But honestly, a child being mistreated in any sexual way would not be speaking in the way your child seems to have heard it.  This probably is more a child walked in on two adults in action or while they were watching a very sexually active show on tv which is where this child got the details from.  Or it could be a child with a much older sibling/friend who is telling them these things which is why this child is then passing the message on to your own child.  Having an older child tell a younger one sexual stories would then put the message across to that child that it is ok to also tell these kinds of stories to others.  You have to be careful what you say to your son.  He has to know that sexual activity is ok.  Because he is asking/acting out, he is ok to get more details (just not too much detail) in a positive way - expressing that teddybears aren't like adults.  They like to get snuggles like mummies and children have, but teddy bears don't like kissing boobies cuddles or anything like that.  It is something for adults who are very much in love and not nice for children.  But it is ok for him to talk to you or daddy about anything any time he has any questions.  He has got to know that as the main point !!  He can say anything to you even if he might not be ok to say those things to someone else.  He is ALWAYS ok to ask anything or say anything to you because you love him loads and want to help him and have him help you too when you have things you need help with.

[margypops]

well I hear in CA that they are now teaching young children sex and have drawings in Books, the TV has been full of the parents being up in arms , check out what reading material the school is giving him ...trust me they are doing this at a very young age, parents need to get it stopped.

[Smiile112]

Well kids are not dumb sometimes they find out this stuff on there own and yeah kids are gonna talk about that stuff shoot thats life but I understand your concern

[Ashelen]

Oh I see what you're saying RockRose...I didn't mean to get it wrong....I re-read it twice to make sure that's what she said, but I guess I just re-read the end of it and not the beginning...so...sorry.


I think that you've done the right thing Missy and it's always better safe than sorry. I don't think your boy will need counseling but following your instinct is ALWAYS the best thing to do as mommy. My parents, as well, skipped counseling for me as a child and I paid for it for YEARS before it finally resurfaced when I was a teen and they realized that the abuse had affected me in a lot of ways. It was a lot harder to heal after the fact than it would have been had they addressed it right away. So it wouldn't HURT to look into getting him evaluated, but I think he should be fine even without it...I think, too, that this may be a harmless case of him having seen/heard something "innocent" (not intending to harm a child or expose a child) and having absorbed it...BUT...the school should take you seriously, "just in case".


and even if her son isn't saying that another kid is being hurt I still stand by what I said. Stand up and make sure that this is taken seriously. better to be wrong and nothing be going on than to be right and not say something.

[yngdad]

I agree with RockRose, I'm a guy and I have all sons. My boys have said the samethings, and I remember instinctly knowing what I wanted to do. Anyway, kids learn a lot of stuff like that through school. Principals,councelors,teachers, they should all know that. I'm sorry, but it seems like they just don't want to admit that its happening, they want it to seem like the kids are watched all day every second of every hour. That's BS. I would maybe try to get the name of the kid and then take it to the school board since the school won't do anything. Good luck.

[Missy8809]

My husband works third shift 6 nights a week..... It's rare that we do have sex, and when we do, our kids are not here.  He has not stayed the night with anyone in over 4 months. He doesn't have any access to the net or cable channels....he is very sure that it comes from school and I feel I need to believe him...but the school says NO WAY   I am going to get him into a couseler, I'm calling tomorrow, someone has to believe us.....right? And I do believe the school has already contacted child protective services because of the seriousness of the matter, but I am going to take it further once I know more. Someone has been hurt, or something, my gut tells me so....I'm just extremely scared, because I was molested when I was young, I know how someone can feel when it goes untreated, I wasn't put in counseling until a year later.  

[RockRose]

Ashelen,  I think you need to read the post again.  She said she is afraid a child is being hurt,  he didn't say it.  

Missy,  this is becoming more mysterious.  You say this is getting "worse" I understand that to mean he's more focused on sex and more graphic.  Is that the case?

Boys do know what they want to do with their bodies,  and that's to press them together with girls.  They get that,  and no one has to tell them that.   As a mother of boys I'm amazed that they know that instinctually what they want to do.  Usually they use uneducated language to describe it - one of the most interesting cases was when I walked in on my boys watching Roger Rabbit with friends, and one of the boys - 5 years old at the time - said Jessica Rabbit's voice makes my penis get long.  Another time I was listening as boys went to sleep at a group sleepover, and one boy named a very pretty girl - in his kindergarten class - and said I just want to lay on top of her.  Do you want to lay on top of her?  God has told boys what to do to,  girls react with babies come from WHERE?????

BUT.   For him to have the word for it,  and reverse it and say sex is when a girl lays on top of a boy and then makes kind of appropriate  noises about it,  he's getting this from somewhere.  I suspect - I'm just tossing this out - he's seen you and your husband having sex and you don't know it.    Or he's seen someone else having sex at a friend's house and they didn't know he was watching.  He's got a LOT of information that appears to be first hand, and he's got a word for it.   He knows more than just what mothers see that sons already somehow know.  

[Ashelen]

I understand why you're worried. you said that HE said that one of the kids at school was being hurt, and the principle didn't take it seriously?! I would step outside of their authority then and begin contacting parents that you trust. get the word out to the parents that you know and trust and have them approach the principle and counselor together.

if nothing else, the principle and guidance counselor are REQUIRED to look into this, not ignore it or act like it's impossible. if a child is possibly being endangered and it comes to light later that they may have had a chance to stop it...they'll be in a LOT of trouble, so you may want to gently remind them.

I believe you that it's from school. and I believe your son that the kid telling him this is being hurt, because why else would he say it? 5-year-olds don't just MAKE UP sexual molestation....so if one of the kids is confiding in him and is scared, the counselor needs to start pulling kids aside to figure out which one it is if your son won't fess up.  Just make sure that your little boy doesn't go over to any playmates' houses until this is all cleared up...you never know who it might be :(.

[Missy8809]

No he doesn't ride the bus I walk him every day.....and the school swears the kindergarteners are always 100% of the time with an adult but I don't know if I can believe that....there are over 20 k kids.  How are they constantly. Monitered????     I'm worried and disgusted and don't know what to do....

[RockRose]

How bizarre that the principal and teacher said he couldn't have heard that at school!   Does he ride the bus?  That's probably where he heard it,  from an older kid and even kids acting out positions.

If not,  there's recess and lunch for unsupervised conversations.