5yr old son is getting out of hand

[MammaBear99]

My son is 5 years old, he is in preschool with 8 other boys. Sometimes I have a "good" son, other times i have a "bad" or "mean" son (what we call him). For me, is is simply a matter of battling for power I think. When he is not listening I want him to stop, stop talking, or doing whatever he is doing, and he simply refuses, he will keep talking over what i am trying to say to him. Never a tantrum, just bad behavior, and it is frustrating. Now with my husband my son gets crazy. He can be good all day and when my husband walks in my son gets wild, and plays really rough with my husband, punching and hitting. Even when my husband tells him to stop, even when he gets very mad at him. And sometimes my son just laughs. I have my own way of controlling my son when I am with him, and I stay calm while doing it. My husband cant seem to find anyway to control our son. My mom even notices the behavior, she said he turned into a "monster" once daddy came home, and sometimes it is embarrassing. My husband does work alot, but our son ADORES him, imitates him, and cries when he isnt home. Yet he isnt very good for him when they get to spend one on one time together-I just dont get it. Then it turns into a fight. Most kids his age are better for their dad's then their mom's. So why is my little guy to crazy? We dont hit our son, punishment is usually taking something away that he likes, or sending him to his room. Can Anyone give me any advice how to steer his behavior away from this craziness? When he is with Dad he could literally be mistaken for a child that suffers from ADHD-and he does not have that. HELP! thank you....

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You and your husband will have to develop a systematic, straightforward manner of dealing with this behavior. By systematic I mean that the approach is applied consistently, over and over again, without exception. At the first sign of misbehavior, send him to time out, in a chair, for ten minutes. Start the time only when he is seated and quiet. It will also help to prepare your son for his father's arrival, reminding him of how he sometimes behaves and setting the expectations. The real change will occur, though, when you apply a clear, simple discipline such as I suggested. Take a look at Lynn Clark's book SOS Help for Parents, and you will find the type ogf behavior management approach I am suggesting.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It is a good thing that he wants to interact with his father, and I hope that your husband will reciprocate and play with his son, even for a short while. While he may be tired, it is important to put his child's needs ahead of his own. The childhood years quickly pass, and it would be regrettable if your husband looks back someday and wishes he had interacted more.

[MammaBear99]

Another part of this is, my son is so excited to see my husband after a long day of Daddy being gone, he gets very hyper. And he wants to DO things with Dad, games, hockey, action figures, something, anything, he wants to PLAY. Well, my husband is in retail, which can mean 10, 12, 14 hour days on his feet. He is tired when he gets home. I do understand that. I try to pull our sons attention away to other things when this happens (which is not all the time) by coloring, or helping me do stuff, or whatever. Do you have any suggestions to calm the hyperness if Daddy just cannot physically play? My son has never been the kind of kid who can just sit for very long anyways, so I may always need to be the mediator who gives him stuff to take his attention for a while. I know there is no easy, answer, but tips are always helpful.