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6 year old bad behavior at school HELPPPP

When my now 6 year old was 3 he started preschool. some months in he started acting out, yelling hitting teachers etc... we all brushed it off. next year he was in that preschool full time days. a few months in the behavior started and increased. Saying he hated teachers calling them names, hitting etc.. Many times we had to leave work and pick him up. We started seeing a therapist for about 4 months. Unfortunately she did not see any of the extreme behavior. She saw him as having low self esteem and many anxiety. We stopped seeing her due to a lay off. Did not see any improvement. He started his kindergarten year at exactly 5 years old which may be young. His behavior did not start until months later. Smaller issues with teacher and other kids, then in feb large meltdown. Kicking hitting teachers throwing chair screaming saying they will die. He was suspended. We sent him to his room for the rest of night and next day. Made him do work. Back to room. Took away all tv time etc. He is very strong willed and does not like being told what to do at all. Does not like school or the schoolwork. Behavior continued until end of year. smaller outburst but we were working on incentives for good behavior etc. At home he does not have the epic tantrums. Or at the previous family daycare. Never had any issues there.all summer perfect. And this year the behavior starts. little things at first. hit a kid. talk back to teacher. then this week he gets suspended cuz he has another epic tantrum and hitting teachers. suspended 1 day. returns following day, bad day. school is worried cuz he keeps saying i want to die. over and over. which i do not believe he does. they ask to have him picked up. today starts school little issues then epic tantrum and suspended for hitting multiple counselors and teachers. unprovoked all this behavior. I am so exhausted by this. most of me believes that he is doing this because he thinks he can get out of school. he knows the behavior is wrong and he is a well behaved kid outside of school. the guidance counselor approached us about autism and spectrum disorder. I am more inclined to think maybe an anxiety disorder because his really bad behavior is only having to do with school. he thinks he can do what he wants all the time. developmentally he is fine. he is a little behind the kids in school because he does not want to do the work. We just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like a failure as a parent, that i did something wrong. And we feel so alone. No one that we know has had any children with this bad of a behavior issue. Hoping anyone would have any insight for me, PLEASE.
2 Responses
189897 tn?1441126518

First, he is very young for his grade.  Probably the youngest kid in the class (easy to check, ask the teacher).  
Second, there is certainly a lot of anxiety.  And anxiety is many times caused by ADHD or ADD.  And I certainly would not rule out the autism spectrum.  Kids of his age do not have the ability to figure out that bad behavior will get them out of school.   Nor do they have the ability to learn from punishment at home for what happened hours ago at school.
You need to ask yourself why he is a "little" behind at school?   Why does he not like schoolwork?  You need to know how far behind he is.  He needs to be fully tested.   It will only get worse!  Make an appointment with the guidance counselor to get testing done.  
   Oh, and knock off the punishment at home.   He needs a place to feel safe.  You are really only making matters worse for him at school.   Instead, work with him to develop behaviors at home that will carry over to school.  Start teaching him how to deal with his anger.  Buy "Cool down and work through anger" and read and practice it with him.   There are also other good books suggest for his age group that will help.  check this link - http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along%C2%AE/dp/1575423464/ref=pd_sim_14_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=0HC25MJP9TGDKZHXGW6Z
   Hope this helps.
Avatar universal
Guidance has started paperwork for testing. We are looking into counselors again. He is smart, but gets frustrated very easily. He is the type of kid that likes to control situations, do what he wants to do. If he does not like what someone asks or tells him to do he immediately gets angry. Often stomps around, grump face or starts talking back. After 3 years of trying everything, he still continues to hit. It seems to be what he goes to in situations. And yes i think that he has figured out that he gets out of school. When we pick him up he has completely calmed down and acts normal. Yesterday when I picked him up from sitters he said "its ok mama I'm only suspended for 1 day." He has repeatedly asked me to pick him up early. I explain to him that unfortunately i can't that day because I need to work. And on those days he has had issues at school. I just don't know how to gt him to understand that this behavior is only hurting him in the long run. And I'm sorry but there needs to be consequences for his actions. I'm not going to pretend as though nothing has happened because then the behavior will continue. Even the teachers have said some techniques that work one day will not work the following, very inconsistent on how to deal with him. we tried discussing reward systems and they have not really worked. I believe the reason he is behind is because the last few years he refuses to do work and thats when the bad behavior happens, when we do it with him at home he is fine and does it. He struggles through somethings like reading but he is learning. Thank you.
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189897 tn?1441126518
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