Oh, it is so tough to deal with a child who suddenly is apparently kind of miserable. And, especially at this age!
First thought, is that if this just began last week. Then I would think that something triggered it. Really try hard to identify what that was. If she has never had this problem before, there has to have been a trigger.
And yes, your rotation might be a part of it. Were you discussing possible future happenings recently while she was present?
She does seem to have anxieties about school. You might want to look into that a bit more. The fact that she has good behavior at school - could also mean that she is trying so hard to be good at school, that she falls apart when she gets home. During the parent conference did the teacher indicate any scholastic problems? Is she behind in any areas?
Finally, there are books out there that are meant to be read, shared, and talked about with kids. They are aimed at this age group. One such book is - "Is a Worry Worrying You?". Check out the reviews of the book and others listed below. It may provide a vehicle for you to help her. The link is http://www.amazon.com/Worry-Worrying-You-Ferida-Wolff/dp/1933718056/ref=pd_sim_14_28?ie=UTF8&dpID=51v8qRe%2Bn4L&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR160%2C160_&refRID=0W0RBJB5RR1EGCGJP3JJ
The book will help you cover some important areas, but essentially you have to figure out where this is coming from to effectively deal with it. Is is school related or deployment related?
I hope this helps. Please post if you have any questions or feel like answering the questions I posted. Best wishes.
To be honest this is coming from some one who has been raped and abused it sounds like she may be experiencing something at school that she is afraid of... like she is telling you what she did wrong because she thinks you are sending her there to punish her I would see how she reacts to certain students/teachers/other faculty in the school
Talk to the counselor at school would be my first move and ask whether they've seen a change happening. Maybe they can subtly let her know that "nobodies perfect", maybe by more than one teacher. Also, i'm sure they would have a list of books that would be helpful, along with Sandman's reading suggestions.
There may be some things that you can do at home, and on video chat, other then reading to them. For instance, playing (more) games with your daughter will give you (the at home parent) the opportunity to teach them how to win or lose gracefully. And that it is not so much the outcome, as the playing.
I'm thinking that since you've mentioned that you are deployed that your husband/wife is video chatting with your child. How often are you able to do that? Also, there may be a chance of course that your daughter is worried about you, having heard the news about terrorism. I'm sure that kids of parents deployed must be hurting and worrying. I'm not sure what a therapist would or could do to ally their fears, but it might be a good thing to have a place where your daughter could talk about her feelings about a parent being deployed.
The reason why this is happening aside, the end result is that your daughter is becoming a perfectionist and you can gain knowledge on the best way to deal with through your own reading about childhood perfectionism.
I'm so glad you posted.and hope to hear you'all get healthfully to the other side of this.
Thank you for your service. Come home safe and sound.
Hi Nighthawk, very good comments. Thankyou for joining our community! Hope you stay around!
Hello! I think I might have an answer to why she is behaving like this, but I don't want you to panic, because I'm not 100% sure. I am 23, but when I was a child, and even now as an adult, I struggled with a panicked need to confess everything I did wrong. I was also obsessed with perfection, despite never getting in trouble. About a year ago, I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Part of OCD involves intrusive thoughts and guilt, as well as a need to "confess" about everything because the guilt causes anxiety. I would look into this if I were you. Best wishes!
I just signed up to medhelp to give my input. I'm sorry you are dealing with this situation. My DD had at age 6 sudden onset of OCD Hers was not confession but was in the order of not touching things etc. it was quite disturbing to us. This sounds like OCD to me however the sudden onset would make me want to consider PANDAS / PANS in the differential. Please look into this. It could save you all years of heartache and prevent many possible wrong diagnosis. I am not saying she HAS this by any means but please look into it. After years of research and labs and "wrong" diagnoses we have concluded our DD has Lyme causing her PANS symptoms. She is now being treated correctly-antibiotics/herbals and all her other diagnoses are melting away ... Ocd. Auditory processing. Sensory issues. Dyslexia. Etc. one not need all those issues to have strep or some other infection to cause ocd. Lyme is just a stickler.
Anyway. That's my input and two cents. I hope she is doing ok and sincerely will pray for her and you all.
Again it could be stress from school/ social situations / deployment. But it could also be infectious cause.
Just a website for info. FYI.
I will second the suggestion that a **sudden** onset of anxiety and needing to confess, especially in someone as young as her, sounds like PANS/PANDAS. The most common age for this to start is 4-8, so she's right in the middle of that. PANS is a post-infectious auto-immune brain inflammation. The PANDAS subtype of PANS is the result of a strep infection that wasn't even serious enough for you to catch as strep; perhaps just a sore throat. Antibiotics, anti-inflammatory medications are the best treatments, and the earlier started the faster this goes away.
If you were half-way through a rotation, rather than just gone, that doesn't sound like you were the trigger for this intense anxiety.
In PANS/PANDAS, sudden onset of irrational anxiety, esp. separation anxiety, OCD, (including needing to confess), anorexia, and frequent urination (even new bedwetting), and behavior regression are common symptoms. The cause is an antibody attack on the brain, not anything anyone did - not her, not you, not classmates or anyone. If it is this, then anti-anxiety meds, prayer, meditation, sleep, won't take care of it; needs medical treatment for whatever underlying infection. ANd if that doesn't do it, then yes, follow the info on Pandasnetwork.org or Pandas Physicians Network (ppn.org)
Your child sounds like she has OCD. Look it up and see if she has any other symptoms. Also if anyone in your family had or has it. My 7 yr old daughter also does the same thing and constantly hand washes and is overly conscious of germs.I first noticed it two years ago and it also started with the constant tearful confessions of trivial things. My husband and older brother both have OCD so we know the symptoms. It is very likely to be hereditary.Do some research and if you think she fits the bill. Talk to your pedia about what you can do to help. A developmental pedia can help too.If she is diagnosed with OCD even just knowing about the condition helps them a lot and they are very releived that their behavior has an explanation!! Hope this helps you!
I went through something very similar when I was young about 12-13. My daddy ( who was my world an absolute Daddy's Girl) was working night shifts for a shut down and made so much working over time he wouldn't take a day off. After about 2 months of seeing him I became very guilt ridden for no reason I can't explain how intense this emotion was, it was like it weighed on my chest constantly and no matter what I did I couldn't make it go away . There was no specific trigger just one day I woke up and it happened. I would cry every morning hated going to school and when I got home the first thing I would do was go to sleep and just sleep until I had to wake up. My parents were divorced and my mom wasn't around so my grandmother was living with us and she is a super Baptist, she couldn't offer me any comfort and one night after seeing me in agony for weeks crying constantly when I was awake she became convinced that I was "under conviction"and said shed never seen anything like it; so she called the preacher. He and several men from her church came and prayed with me and prayer always helps me feel somewhat better but just the thought of the feeing going away of having something done about it was enough to make me feel a bit better. At the end of it all they left and while I was calm for the moment I was no where near cured, as I woke the new morning the feeling returned. What ultimately made it better was telling my Dad and he took time off but after another few months of not seeing him I began having the same issues but knew how to deal and then the shutdown ended. Looking back, I believe it to have been severe depression. I have battled depression since; my Dad passed away 5 years later and similar feelings emerged after. At this point I'm hardened to it, a shell of the carefree bubbly girl I used to be, emotions are rare for me. I hadn't thought about that experience in years(I'm now 27 with two babies of my own) and I'll tell you this, I have never hurt so badly as I did during that time (not even when my Dad passed) and the thought of a baby going through it breaks my heart. So, I had to post this to try and help you to understand her feelings maybe, and to maybe have that point you toward a solution. I pray your daughter finds comfort. Thank you for your service!
My daughter was very similar around the same age. I can agree with some of the other answers here that it could be OCD related. We have a family history of OCD and anxiety disorders. There was a time shortly after this where my daughter began washing her hands repeatedly as well.
The important thing is that these issues didn't persist for her. As a person who has experienced OCD, I already know that calling a lot of attention to the symptoms can make the anxiety worse and lead to a repetitive cycle.
You may need to enlist the help of a therapist to understand and manage her anxiety better. Or, if you feel confident that you can help her learn to alleviate it herself, that's okay too. Mainly, I wrote this to let you know that despite my daughter's problems, today at 11 years old, she is a very happy person. She still battles perfectionistic tendencies and still has anxiety issues, but we have learned to manage them without medications and she is growing into a wonderful young woman.
It can be frightening and stressful when you first discover things like this, but it will be okay.
I used to do this when I was little too. I would stay awake all night and start admitting everything to my parents, and all day too, anything I could think of, even if I thought a piece of tissue was dirty and maybe I dropped it on the ground instead of in the garbage, then maybe somebody else will get germs if they pick it up, etc. etc. It stems FROM ANXIETY. I started getting anxiety attacks at the age of 12, and the constant confessing started right before....like maybe when I was 9 or 10. Your daughter is/and or/ will be suffering from anxiety.
The purpose of this research study is to know if the antibiotic azithromycin, an antibiotic approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for treating infections, improves symptom severity in children with sudden and severe onset obsessive compulsive symptoms known as PANS, Pediatric Acute Onset Neuropsychiatric Syndrome, and PANDAS, Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorder Associated with Streptococcus. This study seeks to compare the effects of placebo vs. azithromycin on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) symptom severity as well as to assess immune risk factors in children with PANDAS/PANS. Obsessions are repetitive, unwanted thoughts or worries that may be unpleasant, silly, or embarrassing. Compulsions are repetitive or ritualistic actions that are performed to ease anxiety or worries. Doctors think these symptoms may be caused or exacerbated by certain infections such as Streptococcus pyogenes, Mycoplasma pneumonia, Borrelia burgordfi, etc. These infections commonly cause strep throat, walking pneumonia, and Lyme Disease, among others.
This study will involve a 4 week double-blind, placebo-controlled randomized trial of azithromycin (Double Blind Phase). At the end of this 4 week trial, the child will be assigned to azithromycin for 8 weeks (Open Label Phase). At the end of these 12 weeks, a Naturalistic Observation phase will assess the child's symptom characteristics for up to 40 weeks.
The study hypothesizes that children receiving antibiotic will show significantly greater overall improvement in severity compared with placebo, and that children with sudden onset of OCD and whose subsequent course shows dramatic fluctuations will have evidence of immune risk factors that predisposes to this presentation.
My first thought, and apparently other participants' as well, is OCD. The constant reassurance, confessionals, and that seemingly ritual nature of this makes me think this.
My son has had OCD since he was very young, but wasn't officially diagnosed until 8th grade. We didn't realize how bad the OCD was because so much of it was internalized. He had a lot of mental imagery and counting going on (not everyone washes their hands 100 times a day), and there are many ways in which OCD can manifest. It's not fun in any sense of the imagination. The best way I can explain it, if this is what your child has, is being in a state of constant anxiety...the kind we feel when were anxious is your daughter's "normal". Imagine how difficult it is when she is feeling anxious? It takes on that "fight or flight" response. Having a safe place and someone to talk to is important, and it sounds like she definitely has this with you and your wife.
I would at least recommend requesting the school to test your child. In California, it is required by law that the school comply...and it's free. My child was diagnosed with severe anxiety via this route...they tried to also say he had the popular ADD diagnosis, but fortunately his pediatrician specialized in that area and confirmed he did not have ADD. Whatever route you take it is very important to get a diagnosis as early as possible if it is OCD. The earlier it is treated, the better the outcome and, at the very least, reassuring to your child and you. See someone that specializes in pediatric OCD (psychiatrist) and someone who won't force medication, but also doesn't shirk from it either. Generally speaking, the more mild the form of OCD, either cognitive behaviour/exposure therapy (preferable) or medication tend to work best. The more moderate to severe, one usually has to use both for the best results...and family counselling is imperative. This is a very difficult disorder for the patient AND the family...especially if it doesn't clear up, and you all need support.
There is a really good book called "Talking Back to OCD". It is a workbook/guide for children and parents to use together.
I wish you and your family all the best, and that you find a happy resolution to this.
I am with the others who have replied suggesting OCD. I have mild OCD that I never even spoke of until my young daughter came to me concerned about recurrent thoughts of bad things happening if she doesn't do things a certain way. For me, I felt that as a child in that I would want to do things a certain number of times, or avoid a certain number, to ward off harm. The thoughts still pop into my head, but I guess it was mild enough that I taught myself to ignore it.
Ocd manifested itself in my son when he was 7 and began to hoard out of the blue. With a lot of patience, baby steps and cognitive behaviour therapy (not professional as they discouraged that at 7) he overcame it. In 8th grade during a stressful time, OCD re-emerged, he started the "confessional". I found this really tricky because you always want your child to talk to you about anything troublesome; yet to do so under these circumstances is to enable very unhealthy behaviour...a difficult scenario!
My son and I had very open conversations about all this. We agreed that he should tell me about how he was feeling rather than confessing in detail. When he felt the compulsion he would approach me and try his best not to spill the beans about what specifically he wanted confess in that moment. Rather, he would tell me how much anxiety he was feeling, why it was important he resist the compulsion, that nothing really bad was going to happen, etc. it took a lot of practice and patience once again, but eventually he got past it.
My son is now 18, my daughter 15, I regularly ask them how they're doing in terms of OCD. My son has not felt bothered by it since 8th grade. My daughter feels it during times of stress, such as starting high school last year. We all discuss how important it is not to "feed it" by giving in to whatever compulsion we feel. My husband was genuinely shocked by all of it, which I imagine is hard to understand if you've never experienced it personally. He was like: "Really? You think like that? I've never experienced anything like that..." And I found it odd that he never had any such thoughts pop into his mind.
My son's episodes were more extreme. My daughter and I seem to be a bit more chronic but mild.
I wish you well, it's not fun and it is a real worry to see so much anxiety in your child. Much patience, celebrating small successes, focusing on empowering your child, and lots of talk about identifying the thought processes and emotions your child is experiencing may help you as it has us.
I went through a distressing period of needing to confess everything when I was about eight or so. Nothing significant happened to me prior to it starting. My parents were together and around. I had a nonchaotic and happy home. I do not have OCD or anxiety. I don't recall if anything helped it go away. I just wanted to point out that it wasn't part of bigger problem for me.
My daughter had the same problem, I was told by a teacher that we should write down whatever she is worrying or confessing on a piece of paper and put it through a shreder. We did so and it seemed to work, she would come to me and say can we write this down and shreder it and I would say it's all gone now. That lasted for about 6 month, we laugh about it now she is 21 and definitely is a perfectionist and Is quite the artist and going to college to be a teacher. So don't worry it all works out.
When I was 8-12 I used to do the same thing. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night unless I confessed to my parents. I was also a major hypochondriac until I was about 15. My parents put up with the confessions and gave the same counsel you did. I grew out of it, and Im a functional adult without any anxiety or anything now. By age 16/17, I was sneaking around with boys and my friends without any desire to confess or anything. :P Hope this helps!
This sounds like classic Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and anxiety. I would take her to a child psychologist. My son was diagnosed at six (now ten) and I grew up with it as long as I can remember until diagnosed and beginning treatment at 29! She may start confessing to thoughts she has had for things she is unsure or afraid she may or may not have done or is afraid she is capable of doing. Don't be surprised if she starts complaining of tummy aches and "throwing up" in her mouth as she is internalizing a lot of anxiety and may develop acidic stomach/ulcer as a result. I had my first at twelve, my son has complained of it for a long while now. Good luck! Held and management are available, work (will not cure) and will help her greatly!
My almost 8 year old daughter did this same thing in kindergarten.
Every morning, on our way to school, she would begin crying and telling her dad and I, all of the "bad" things she did.
At first, we were surprised, by this, and we'd talk to her and tell her, everything was going to be ok, that sometimes she's going to do things, that aren't always good, like listening to her teacher, talking to her friends, when she's not supposed to, but it's not always bad to do those things!
We told her we are very proud of her, we love her, and she can talk to us and tell us anything she wants.
This went on for another few weeks, then, one day, just stopped.
It had started towards the beginning of the school year, she had been in preschool but only a few hours, every other day, and going from being at home with mommy and her siblings almost everyday, to going to school full time, took a huge toll on her.
I decided to have her see a child therapist, which helped as well.
Some children don't do well with change, while others don't mind.
If this persists, maybe it would be a good idea to have your daughter see a therapist, once a week, for an hour. This will allow her to speak freely, get everything out, and do so, while playing games or playing with toy's with the therapist.
After a few sessions, the therapist will have a better idea, of what's going on, and where to go from there. If there's more to it and your daughter suffers from separation anxiety or some other disorder or issue, you and your wife will have already started the therapy, and your daughter will be getting the help she needs.
We, as parents, can play the guessing game, all day long, and think what if its this, or what if its that, but at the end of the day, its best to involve someone who has the expertise to help your daughter!
My middle daughter, who is 13 years old today, started to see a therapist at the age of 7.
Long story short, she suffered from severe separation anxiety, so much so, she would hit, throw things, have tantrums, be moody, wouldn't want to go to school, would cry and scream, on the way to school, and didn't like anyone around me.
She was in therapy for about 2 years, took a year off, went back for another year, and around 10 is when everything started to change.
She wasn't as moody, she'd go to school with no problems, she stopped hitting and throwing tantrums, and started making friends and going to their houses, and was doing a lot better!
Hopefully, you'll feel encouraged to seek therapy for your daughter and you and your wife, can find out the root of the problem and you all can work together. :)
For some reason I cant see if anyone else suggested this to you. My daughter was doing this too and it was out of nowhere and the first of many symptoms that appeared. Long story short - it sounds like OCD. Has she been sick lately? Please look into PANDAS as well.
smith020208 This is very important. you need to go to www.pandasnetwork.org There is a condition currently named PANS and PANDAS. It occurs when kids have a hidden infection. Strep, EBV, Lyme Disease etc. Sometimes infections are in their systems with no symptoms and interferes with the Basil Ganglia. This causes Sudden onset ODC, ODD ADHD Tics similar to tourettes etc. You need to go to one of the doctors listed on the doctors list on their website. If not diagnosed and treated your daughter is going to be miserable. Antibiotics will help If this is what this is psychologists and psych meds will not help. I literally pulled up this page by mistake and the word confessions caught my eye. This is how it was with my daughter at noon one day in 2015. yes it's that fast. also watch the trailer for the movie. my kid is not crazy its a documentary and i think it follows some severe cases so don't let it scare you off. my daughter is much more mild. plus all those kids have pandas which is from strep my daughter has Pans from Lyme. Please look into this. There is no other reason i know of why odd would come on so sudden. Also most doctors don't know about or believe in or understand this condition so you will want to make sure you go to someone who does or someone on the list. i even had to creat an account here to answer you.
You need to research PANDAS. Symptoms sound like a classic example. The sooner she gets treatment (several rounds of antibiotics), the better. Bet a blood test will show strep titers. Not all pediatricians are educated on this autoimmune reaction-find someone who knows and believes PANDAS does exist.
It is great that everyone wants to help but please understand you are only giving us 1/12 of a story. The are thing it can be and thing it can't be. I was missed diagnosed as a child because my parent listen to others when all I have is a learning disability. I am a teacher at for cg and before we S.N.U.R.T. we question everything so we can give all the fact that we can see and thing we could have missed. 1) Does she more of your attention when the conversation is negative or positive? Do you talk to her long if it is about the negative or the positive? 2) Is it only with you and your wife or with teachers to? Are they worried? 3) Is it only when you are gone and she feels like she need to be apart of everything going on around her? 4) You could be the nicest teacher in the world that does not mean that all children will like you or trust you. And children don't understand that and feel the need for parents to listen to their struggles they don't understand. 5) Is she only tell you and your wife or is she telling others too meaning everyone she knows.
The list could go on pending on the child, so think and your child could give you the answers. You might have the answer and not release it. If you feel that you can't find the answer and you feel it is getting worse then it would be wise to talk to the school and see about a S.N.U.R.T. It is always wise to be careful but the only expert on your child is you. As a teacher we are remind everyday that we can have as many degrees as we can get but it is the parents that are the experts on their own child. (And as a parent I too can sometimes feel helpless to help my own kids. I too feel the need to look for help about my kids too. Their the experts they have to have all the answers...right???)
Please forgive the spelling like I said I have a learning disability.
I am having a brain freeze if it is S.N.U.R.T or S.N.O.R.T.... And I am not sure if you call it the same were you are.