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6 year old daughter confesses everything

My wife and I have a 6 year old daughter and last week she began crying on the way to school and confessing to my wife everything under the sun, such as "the teacher told us to write our name then date but I wrote the date first, I was talking at lunch when I wasn't supposed to" and so on.  She never gets in trouble at school, during the resent parent teacher conference her good behavior was highlighted as a strength.  But everyday it is the same thing crying while going to school and confessing all night long.  We have tried explaining to her that it is good to tell us about things that she thinks is bad but she needs to let stuff go and not linger on small infractions that no one would have known about if she didn't confess.  I am in the military and currently deployed I am about half way through this 6 month rotation and believe that this could be a factor in her newly found guilt.  What should we do?  
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Avatar universal
Wow I was looking up symptoms my cat is experiencing and this was right under it. I experienced this at the age of 9 and I never knew anyone else had experienced that same thing. I didn't even know what it was, but looking back I understand what was going on with me! I like most said would feel so guilty and have to confess everything to my mom. I didn't want to, but I'd cry all day long while alone and I'd have a need to confess things. I'd sit and think all day how I was gonna say it and I just felt very guilty and weird inside until I let the confession out. I wasn't doing anything wrong, it was really little dumb things. Looking back I realize I worried a lot about things and i grew up in a stressful chaotic household. I was very mature for my age and I think I was experiencing emotions that people don't usually experience until they can make sense of them. I'm now 23 almost 24 years old and I do struggle with anxiety and depression. It's not everyday, but I do experience it and I turn to meditation and healthy coping skills to ease my mind. The "guilty phase" I went through when I was 9 went away naturally with time. I also felt a little weird inside probably until 13-14 but not everyday. My advice would to just be comforting and to let your child know everything is gonna be okay and practice some breathing techniques. It sounds stupid, but at 13-14 I would have serious panic attacks out of no where, and I'd feel like I couldn't finish my breath and I didn't know what was happening to try and practice breathing techniques. much love and I hope I helped. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who experienced this.
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Avatar universal
I just signed up to medhelp to give my input. I'm sorry you are dealing with this situation. My DD had at age 6 sudden onset of OCD   Hers was not confession but was in the order of not touching things etc. it was quite disturbing to us. This sounds like OCD to me however the sudden onset would make me want to consider PANDAS / PANS in the differential.  Please look into this. It could save you all years of heartache and prevent many possible wrong diagnosis. I am not saying she HAS this by any means but please look into it. After years of research and labs and "wrong" diagnoses we have concluded our DD has Lyme causing her PANS symptoms. She is now being treated correctly-antibiotics/herbals and all her other diagnoses are melting away ... Ocd. Auditory processing. Sensory issues. Dyslexia. Etc. one not need all those issues to have strep or some other infection to cause ocd. Lyme is just a stickler.
Anyway. That's my input and two cents. I hope she is doing ok and sincerely will pray for her and you all.  
Again it could be stress from school/ social situations / deployment. But it could also be infectious cause.
Just a website for info. FYI.
http://pandasnetwork.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/PANDAS-PITAND-and-OT.pdf
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2 Comments
Yes I say PANDAS too! This was my daughters very first symptom!
This sounds like PANDAS/PANS to me as well. Do some research, many pediatricians are still not even familiar with the diagnosis so really look into it before consulting with your doctor. My daughter was diagnosed with it 6 months ago & it's a tough road.
Avatar universal
Hello! I think I might have an answer to why she is behaving like this, but I don't want you to panic, because I'm not 100% sure. I am 23, but when I was a child, and even now as an adult, I struggled with a panicked need to confess everything I did wrong. I was also obsessed with perfection, despite never getting in trouble. About a year ago, I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Part of OCD involves intrusive thoughts and guilt, as well as a need to "confess" about everything because the guilt causes anxiety. I would look into this if I were you. Best wishes!
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Avatar universal
To be honest this is coming from some one who has been raped and abused it sounds like she may be experiencing something at school that she is afraid of... like she is telling you what she did wrong because she thinks you are sending her there to punish her I would see how she reacts to certain students/teachers/other faculty in the school
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1 Comments
I completely agree with you. I have worked in childcare for several years and all ages from infants to toddler to preschools and our child abuse training we are trained to look out for signs as such, if a child will not come out and straight say what is wrong they will only consistently say something they think is wrong because they want you to figure it out they feel bad for confessiong what is actually happening. Not to be negative does sound like more then being in trouble is bothering her please look into this. If my 3 and half year old was doing so I would definitely see what his real issue was.
Avatar universal
I was a marine corps brat and my dad went on year long unaccompanied tours overseas when I was around your daughter and as the sensitive,well behaved middle child I had a similar reaction to what your daughter is dealing with,my dad made an innocent comment to me about making sure I was extra good and to help mommy out more because my siblings wouldnt,he made it sound like him coming home was depend on me being good so when I was anything short of perfect like maybe I told a lie while arguing with my brother or I got upset and cried when I missed my dad instead of acting like the good girl and being helpful to my mom like I promised,it was harder being a military bday when I was little because all we had was letters occasional call at the MARS station,but maybe you could set up a video chat with your wife,her,and yourself but if you can't get to the bottom of this and figure out if it something more serious than maybe say simple separation anxiety then maybe it's time to go to the FRG and see if counseling or other steps are advised?! Best of luck to you and your family and thank your for your service and your family for the sacrifices they make in order for you to serve!!!
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Avatar universal
She may have anxiety. I know that my anxiety can nake little things seem like the end of the world. You may want to get her help or get advice from someone who suffers from anxiety
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Avatar universal
OCD!! OCD comes in many ways and I'm telling you this is OCD. Please consider going to a  psychiatrist and hearing them out. You are dealing with a mental illness that could and will destroy your child eventually and possibly your marriage. Good luck!
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Avatar universal
My sister used to do this when she was little. Turns out she suffers from clinical depression and a couple of other disorders. If we had known to get her psychiatric help when she was young, her life would have been a lot easier. She had trouble for years being untreated and people just telling her she took herself too seriously. She always wondered why life seemed so easy for everybody else. Now we know and she is doing so much better. She just turned 40 and has been under treatment since 2007.
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Avatar universal
smith020208  This is very important.  you need to go to www.pandasnetwork.org   There is a condition currently named PANS and PANDAS.  It occurs when kids have a hidden infection.  Strep, EBV, Lyme Disease etc. Sometimes infections are in their systems with no symptoms and interferes with the Basil Ganglia.  This causes Sudden onset ODC, ODD ADHD Tics similar to tourettes etc.    You need to go to one of the doctors listed on the doctors list on their website.  If not diagnosed and treated your daughter is going to be miserable.  Antibiotics will help If this is what this is psychologists and psych meds will not help.  I literally pulled up this page by mistake and the word confessions caught my eye.  This is how it was with my daughter at noon one day in 2015.  yes it's that fast.  also watch the trailer for the movie.  my kid is not crazy its a documentary and i think it follows some severe cases so don't let it scare you off.  my daughter is much more mild.  plus all those kids have pandas which is from strep  my daughter has Pans from Lyme.  Please look into this.  There is no other reason i know of why odd would come on so sudden.  Also most doctors don't know about or believe in or understand this condition so you will want to make sure you go to someone who does or someone on the list.  i even had to creat an account here to answer you.
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Avatar universal
For some reason I cant see if anyone else suggested this to you. My daughter was doing this too and it was out of nowhere and the first of many symptoms that appeared. Long story short - it sounds like OCD. Has she been sick lately? Please look into PANDAS as well.
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Avatar universal
My almost 8 year old daughter did this same thing in kindergarten.
Every morning, on our way to school, she would begin crying and telling her dad and I, all of the "bad" things she did.
At first, we were surprised, by this, and we'd talk to her and tell her, everything was going to be ok, that sometimes she's going to do things, that aren't always good, like listening to her teacher, talking to her friends, when she's not supposed to, but it's not always bad to do those things!
We told her we are very proud of her, we love her, and she can talk to us and tell us anything she wants.
This went on for another few weeks, then, one day, just stopped.
It had started towards the beginning of the school year, she had been in preschool but only a few hours, every other day, and going from being at home with mommy and her siblings almost everyday, to going to school full time, took a huge toll on her.
I decided to have her see a child therapist, which helped as well.
Some children don't do well with change, while others don't mind.
If this persists, maybe it would be a good idea to have your daughter see a therapist, once a week, for an hour. This will allow her to speak freely, get everything out, and do so, while playing games or playing with toy's with the therapist.
After a few sessions, the therapist will have a better idea, of what's going on, and where to go from there. If there's more to it and your daughter suffers from separation anxiety or some other disorder or issue, you and your wife will have already started the therapy, and your daughter will be getting the help she needs.
We, as parents, can play the guessing game, all day long, and think what if its this, or what if its that, but at the end of the day, its best to involve someone who has the expertise to help your daughter!
My middle daughter, who is 13 years old today, started to see a therapist at the age of 7.
Long story short, she suffered from severe separation anxiety, so much so, she would hit, throw things, have tantrums, be moody, wouldn't want to go to school, would cry and scream, on the way to school, and didn't like anyone around me.
She was in therapy for about 2 years, took a year off, went back for another year, and around 10 is when everything started to change.
She wasn't as moody, she'd go to school with no problems, she stopped hitting and throwing tantrums, and started making friends and going to their houses, and was doing a lot better!
Hopefully, you'll feel encouraged to seek therapy for your daughter and you and your wife, can find out the root of the problem and you all can work together. :)
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2 Comments
This is great advice. I had a family member who went through the same thing with her daughter and it wasn't until another girl in the school went to her parent and confessed she was being sexually assaulted by another little girl in the school during bathroom breaks that my family members daughter confessed. Therapy is one of the best things we can do for our children because sometimes they are just too afraid to say what's really on their mind. Good luck to you all! I have a 9 year old and I don't send her to therapy, but we came up with an idea to make a list of adults that she feels she can share certain things with. She knows that it's going to come back to me, but she feels better letting another adult come to me instead of her sometimes. They are all her aunts so it works well.
Get this book. "Understanding the Highly Sensitive Child" (Amazon) Easy read 1 hour max to complete. I have all same issues with my 5 yr old son. This helped a ton. Plus I purchased "The Strong Sensitive Boy".
Avatar universal
I am with the others who have replied suggesting OCD. I have mild OCD that I never even spoke of until my young daughter came to me concerned about recurrent thoughts of bad things happening if she doesn't do things a certain way. For me, I felt that as a child in that I would want to do things a certain number of times, or avoid a certain number, to ward off harm. The thoughts still pop into my head, but I guess it was mild enough that I taught myself to ignore it.
Ocd manifested itself in my son when he was 7 and began to hoard out of the blue. With a lot of patience, baby steps and cognitive behaviour therapy (not professional as they discouraged that at 7) he overcame it. In 8th grade during a stressful time, OCD re-emerged, he started the "confessional". I found this really tricky because you always want your child to talk to you about anything troublesome; yet to do so under these circumstances is to enable very unhealthy behaviour...a difficult scenario!
My son and I had very open conversations about all this. We agreed that he should tell me about how he was feeling rather than confessing in detail. When he felt the compulsion he would approach me and try his best not to spill the beans about what specifically he wanted confess in that moment. Rather, he would tell me how much anxiety he was feeling, why it was important he resist the compulsion, that nothing really bad was going to happen, etc. it took a lot of practice and patience once again, but eventually he got past it.
My son is now 18, my daughter 15, I regularly ask them how they're doing in terms of OCD. My son has not felt bothered by it since 8th grade. My daughter feels it during times of stress, such as starting high school last year. We all discuss how important it is not to "feed it" by giving in to whatever compulsion we feel. My husband was genuinely shocked by all of it, which I imagine is hard to understand if you've never experienced it personally. He was like: "Really? You think like that? I've never experienced anything like that..." And I found it odd that he never had any such thoughts pop into his mind.
My son's episodes were more extreme. My daughter and I seem to be a bit more chronic but mild.
I wish you well, it's not fun and it is a real worry to see so much anxiety in your child. Much patience, celebrating small successes, focusing on empowering your child, and lots of talk about identifying the thought processes and emotions your child is experiencing may help you as it has us.
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1 Comments
Test b12 as well...
Avatar universal
I will second the suggestion that a **sudden** onset of anxiety and needing to confess, especially in someone as young as her, sounds like PANS/PANDAS.  The most common age for this to start is 4-8, so she's right in the middle of that. PANS is a post-infectious auto-immune brain inflammation.  The PANDAS subtype of PANS is the result of a strep infection that wasn't even serious enough for you to catch as strep; perhaps just a sore throat.  Antibiotics, anti-inflammatory medications are the best treatments, and the earlier started the faster this goes away.  
If you were half-way through a rotation, rather than just gone, that doesn't sound like you were the trigger for this intense anxiety.  
In PANS/PANDAS, sudden onset of irrational anxiety, esp. separation anxiety, OCD, (including needing to confess), anorexia, and frequent urination (even new bedwetting), and behavior regression are common symptoms.   The cause is an antibody attack on the brain, not anything anyone did - not her, not you, not classmates or anyone.  If it is this, then anti-anxiety meds, prayer, meditation, sleep, won't take care of it;  needs medical treatment for whatever underlying infection.  ANd if that doesn't do it, then yes, follow the info on Pandasnetwork.org or Pandas Physicians Network (ppn.org)
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1 Comments
I agree, I have pans and this is what I used to do when I was younger.
Avatar universal
Also - do you feel guilty that you aren't home? You are asking if she might feel guilty. Well, it can rub off. You both need to talk to each other. Openly. Don't go the diagnosis route, the therapist route - I mean, that's extreme. She sounds anxious. Are you? Mediation is excellent. Are you present? When you are there, is your mind there? In the moment? Or are you somewhere else? Is she trying to get your attention? Do you give her praise? Genuine praise and respect? It's all crucial to the health of a human being. Any of us. 6 is an important developmental age. You must learn how to do this and not pass it off to a therapist. Get a therapist for yourself.
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Avatar universal
Also - you just said something very important: you said that you are wondering if that is why she feels the way she does - you being on tour. Have you asked her? Ask her! Open communication and expressing feelings are very important life skills to have. You must do this. Don't ask us. Ask her. Show her you value her intelligence and the ability to work through a problem.
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Avatar universal
Definitely don't tell her what she needs to do. You don't even know why she is doing what she is doing. Seek understanding first. Always. Ask questions. Don't dictate or invalidate. She isn't telling you for your benefit. And she doesn't need you to tell her to just let it go. That doesn't help. That's not teaching, that's telling. That's ordering. A 6 year old doesn't know how to do that. Get on her level. And if you can't, learn some childhood psychology. Read books.
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Avatar universal
Also - what is your parenting style like? She seems very insecure. Are you doing things to build her confidence? Are you letting her explore her environment? Or does she live in a shaming and controlling environment? This is where parenting comes in. You have to be good at this part. This is the part.
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Avatar universal
Ask her questions. Ask her about her feelings.  Just listen. SHOW EMPATHY. The child is only wanting someone to share with. If and until you relate and actually respond in a way that is friendly and supportive, then they will just keep going. If they do, then it is okay to ask them why they want to tell you everything. Ask them if they don't feel like they are getting enough time. Ask them if they feel anxious. TEACH THEM coping skills. Is she anxious? Teach her meditation. Breathing techniques. Distraction techniques. You do not want to set her up for failure by relying on external validation or reassurance or whatever it is she is doing. So, #1 ask her and listen #2 teach her how to handle it.
Don't just nod your head or tell her how she should feel or tell her what to do. That's not your job. Your job is to empower and teach.
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1 Comments
I'm a nanny, by the way. I'm good at what I do.
Avatar universal
As a EYE, i would be horrified if a child followed my instructions at the detriment of her mental health. She is very well behaved but to become unique creative individuals we are we have to break away from the mould sometimes. The school system is one of control and being controlled in such a way gave my own daughter anxiety, that was displayed by 'bad behaviour'. I try and teach my pupils that its ok to say no , or to brake a rule or even to disagree with my explanation of a topic- this makes them thieve in later life and not become a 'sheep' or be put in situations where others in higher power can take advantage. We should not be teaching them to nob their head and regurgitate 'facts' because they can pass an exam. Exams are an awful measure of ones intelligence anyway.  The worries your daughter has are not anything she has done immoral or illegal- they are simply rules the school as in pace to make it easier to control a large group of children. Try to teach her to follow her own moral rules and have her own moral compass on what determines 'good' or 'bad' actions. The fact she spoke at lunchtime will not negatively impact her later life. But the fact she had the guts to finish her conversation will leave her in good stead when but up against negative figures throughout her life.
Its ok to tell her that the school rules are silly- actually teachers like someone the steps out of the mould an challenge them daily. Impart your own family and community morals and values on her and she can make decisions in the confidence that she will have your support whatever her behaviour.
However she is very young- (to young to school in my opinion) you need to speak to her teacher about her anxiety and how its effect her perception of the school environment. Teachers should only be offering incentives like positive reinforcement to a child of that age....what 'punishments' have been suggested - or stern words said to your child for her to be so worried about disobeying them??? no child should be getting told off for being 'naughty' as no child is naughty. their behaviour is just a reaction to something in physical reality or internal.
Ask for theraplay sessions - which is fun, safe and child led (all schools should have this service on offer ---if they don't you are being failed) Ask if their emphasis is on academics or creativity, happiness and thieving emotionally. NO CHILD SCHOULD FEEL THIS WAY. if it dosent improve i would be tempted to remove her for the situation. good mental heath if paramount for future success and takes president over academia.
Ask to observe a lesson or help out at lunchtime. You never know there could be a old-school dinner lady barking orders at them. Leaving them scared to say boo to a goose and anxious.   Ask to speak to your local CAMs team and get this sorted before she has memories of distress of school that will effect her in her teenage years.
Also honestly is soooooooo common for children to feel like this at school-- do not worry-----there is nothing wrong with your child, only wrong with society. Everyones unique and if shes having thoughts and emotions that are not neurotypical, that makes her diverse which is fantastic if accommodated for by the school and yourselves. Many educational theorists have said for generations the negative impact of schooling on our children---Maybe look at a reggio emilia or steiner school approach may suit your child better.
If you want your child to be confident in what she believes, morals and have a good understanding or the world around her - try looking at Global Citizenship education activities on UNESCO website under GCE--- gave my D a real grounding and confidence in her classroom and how she relates to the wider world.

Just remember your child doesn't need to change- the school need to change to make her happy !!
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Avatar universal
OMG...what horrible memories this brought back.  My daughter started at age 4.  Confessing EVERYTHING.  Like....I broke my pencil lead at school today on purpose.  Knowing she was confessing, I would ALWAYS say, oh thats ok.  Then she would say....twice.  Again, I would simply say thats ok.  She had to confess even though she always knew my response was thats ok.  She was diagnosed w/ OCD at 10 so it was 6 yrs of hell.  She would call me every single day at 3pm after school.  My close co workers and I called it the 3oclock confession.  Meds cured her completely and she got off them at 17 and has been fine ever since.   I feel your pain.  Good luck.  
There is definitely help out there.
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Avatar universal
This is classic OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) beginning to manifest itself at an early age.  When I started going through this in puberty my parents were clueless - I never heard the word "OCD" till I was a lot older and then I realized what it was that I had been suffering from.  I wasted a lot of my teenage life in excessive worrying and confessing to my mother about ridiculous stuff.  My wife had it too.  Now my son started at age 4 to have the same issues.  I'm pretty sure it is genetic and runs in families.  We got him help straight away.  Get your child a psychiatrist as soon as possible.  There are medicines and counseling which can mitigate this problem and make it go away or at least reduce it to a manageable level.
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Avatar universal
Are you guys Jewish?
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Avatar universal
I would agree. I was molested at 3 by a cousin and immediately my anxiety issues which later became full blown ocd started to happen. PTSD of sorts.  Tell her that no matter what happened do not be afraid to tell you exactly what it is and that you will never be upset with her.  Because if something did happen it is not her fault and you will take care of it. My anxiety issues started with my obsessing swallowing and I couldn't do it without water at age of 3.  Then I went into depression as early back as 5 years old.  I believe the assault only happened once; however, it puts profound guilt and this age on a child and they will carry forever unless they therapy.  It is the most difficult thing for a parent to come to grips with that their child may have been assaulted, and it makes YOU feel terrible.  But just imagine how this MAKES HER FEEL.  She cannot even understand it nor know that it was not her fault or that she did something wrong.  All positive energy and Peace and Healing to your daughter - my love to you all.
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Avatar universal
PANDAS is short for Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal Infections. The symptoms are usually dramatic, happen “overnight and out of the blue,” and can include obsessions, and/or compulsions. Children may also become moody or irritable, experience anxiety attacks, or show concerns about separating from parents or loved ones.
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