Hello. Ahhh, parenting can be so confusing and heartbreaking sometimes, can't it? Don't feel alone------- many parents go through these troubles. Kindergarten and first grade are tough on a lot of young kids-------- it is a huge transitional year.
I note your concerns as it is extreme to not be able to attend a particular school anymore due to behavior issues. Perhaps he is just immature and will settle in eventually. I think you should have him in the public schools in your area as they must deal with him and provide an adequate education by law. No child left behind includes him and they have to provide a learning enviroment for him. The public school system sees a wide range of kids with lots of different things and quirks going on.
I don't know what your therapist was suggesting in terms of a diagnosis for your boy and why medication was mentioned. I agree that I would not drug my child unless absolutely necessary and many things were tried first--------- and drugs only work if there is a treatable disorder diagnosed. Just any kid that struggles is not a match for drug therapy. My son for example. He has sensory integration disorder which looks a LOT like add/adhd. However, drugs do not work on sensory integration and instead you do occupational therapy (which we have had a tremendous success with).
So, you mention nothing to make me thing that your son has sensory integration disorder--------but you should google it if someone has mentioned add/adhd to you. Both involve the nervous system and sensory specifically involves how the brain processes things. We use the term for my son as his "engine"------- his engine runs too high. So we do things to slow it down. Sitting still is difficult for him, paying attention can be hard as well. But . . . with the things we do------ we are having no problems with him. What do we do? Well, at home it involves a lot of what they call "heavy work" in the occupational therapy world. It is not work at all but games that work out the nervous system. Funny animal walks is an example. He does crab walks, bear walk, slithers like a snake (kind of like an army crawl), frog hops, etc. We take him swimming a few days a week (perfect calming activity for the nervous system------ it is "heavy work"/muscle work and deep pressure combined!). He kickes soccer balls, he runs, rolls, swings, jumps, does wall push ups, chair push ups, wheelbarrow walks, pushes a basket of heavy items across the floor, pulls his brother sitting on a rug around the floor, etc. Sounds crazy-------- but all of this keeps him regulated so he can maintain himself during his school day. He was an absolute disaster in preschool but now in 1st grade--------- not an issue. He's becomeing more mindful of things like his voice volume (he is usually too loud but now modulates his voice appropriately), has worked on being a "good friend"--------- so he has peer skills that we've taught to him (these include things like space boundaries, communication, etc.), and he is able to sit and do his work.
I just mention this to you because I think regardless of what is going on-------- some sensory strategies are helpful for kids. Google sensory and see if there is anything there.
I know how it feels when each day you tread lightly as you send him off to school hoping that nothing happens. It hurts as a parent. That is why finding out the underlying reason is important. It helped us change the life (literally) of our child. Good luck to you.
I would talk again to a therapist, not the same one if you felt his or her advice was not helpful. I would also consider trying him in a different school with a different style, and put him into a group one year younger, especially if you could find one with 5- 6 years old in the same class. (He might just not be emotionally ready to be in a highly structured system at this point, no matter how bright he is.) And other mothers on this site have remarked what a big difference it did make to their difficult child once they got him onto one of the medications, so don't write off the suggestion entirely. It isn't the thing I would try first, but I might be tempted to try it if all else fails.
I just wanted to concur with AnnieBrooke that while I hate the idea of medicating my child ---------- it is very true that when there is a medical diagnosis and other things have been tried ------- a child placed on medication for add/adhd FEELS so much better themselves. Most kids who struggle do not like the way they feel inside and helping them is your number one goal. Sometimes that does take medication.