6 year old doesn't want to poop

[natesmom616]

I hope that I'm in the correct forum for this.  I have a 6 year old (7) in June of this year who does not like to poop.  He was potty trained fairly quickly when younger and had no real problems.  A few years ago, I noticed that he would go for days without having a bowel movement.  When I'd ask him about it, he'd tell me that he didn't have to go, though it was obvious that he did and was holding it in. If he was standing, he'd run to a chair or the floor and sit down and rock or shake his legs or something.  I took him to his pediatrician who thought that possibly he'd had a very large bowel movement at one time and it caused some pain. (He is rather small. At almost 7 yrs of age, he is in a size 4)He believed maybe this made my son apprehensive about going for fear of the pain.  He put him on a bulk stool softener.  This did help him go more often, but only because he can only "hold it" for so long.  For a little while it got better.  He hasn't been on the softener for over a year and half.  However, this is still a problem.  I can tell when he has to go, though he will deny it every time.  I've tried everything from trying to explain how it can hurt his body to hold it in, not allowing him to go places if he hasn't gone and I know he has to go, and even rewards for going. On the rare occasion that he does go without holding it, I'm always quick to tell him how proud I am that he isn't holding it in.  Every time he goes, I ask him if it causes him pain and he says no.  He says that he doesn't like the way it feels.  I've explained that he will have to poop for the rest of his life, regardless of if he doesn't like the feel of it.  He's never constipated and his stools always seem soft, though formed.
Then, last week, he said that when he goes, it hurts his stomach.  At first I thought maybe this was his stomach cramping up when he has a bowel movement.  But I asked him to show me where it hurt and he pointed to his lower abdomen and then also pointed up higher in the center of his torso.  
Is this most likely a psychological issue?  Or can it be medical.  It's not that he doesn't HAVE to go.  By his behavior, I would guess that he would have a bowel movement every other day at the very least.  The urge to go is there, he just holds it and holds it and holds it.  If I wasn't watching, he'd hold it for up to 5 or 6 days.  Could this be a medical issue?   Should I take him to a specialists?  I'm at a loss as to what to do.  Any suggestions or comments are appreciated.  

[goawaybird]

Hi.  I would definitely have it checked, it might be a medical issue. It might even be a mild internal birth defect.  One of my children started holding in like that when she was four until she was terribly constipated but we solved it with a permanent high-fibre diet; but in his case I think it's been carrying on so long it might even have caused an obstruction.  I'd take him to see a pediatric enterologist.

Maybe one should approach the whole thing from a medical angle in any case as it would also help him not be so embarrassed about it.  Hope his friends don't know. Kids at 7 are socially terribly sensitive.

[whatevssss]

I'm 20 years old. I still have this problem occasionally. And I feel helpless when it happens. For me it is totally psychological. I know it. I know that its is worse if I withhold. I know it will hurt much more later, but I can't help it. I don't like pooping, it scares me. I don't really know why..


I can't really help you with solving this problem as I still have it and have had it since childhood. My mom also did the charts, rewards systems, homeopathy, acupuncture, laxatives, everything. She was very supporting, never got angry at me for this problem.

I can only suggest you the same.
It is very frustrating for the child because it's not really voluntary. You just can't let go. It hurts, it's unpleasant, it's scary. Don't add up your frustration to your child's.

[scarlett71]

my little girl is 6 now and has suffered with this since 2 I no how you feel she holds on for 14 days and then ends up in aldery hey for a clear out she has been on movicol utter rubbish is under 2 peaditricians had a biopsy on her bowel and counter tablets to see how many she got rid of which was none she is on sodium picosulfate now daily and enima every other day still no joy it has serious effects on her education and social life she is due back to have a dye test to see if her bowel is damaged I am so angry that they have let it go on so long I thought it was just me and scarlett living this nitemare glad I found this site and well done to all you mums I no how hard it is if no one in your family has been threw this good luck everyone

[harrysmum13]

Wow... I'm so glad I've finally found others in the same boat as me!!  I too have been struggling with my 4 1/2 year old son for the past 2 years.  He refuses to poo, and holds it for up to a week until he eventually has no other choice but to go.  We have had him at doctors and paediatricians so many times but their only solution is to put him on Movicol to treat his constipation.  The trouble is, its not bloody constipation - he can poo ok, he just chooses to hold it in!  I find the movicol also makes his poo too runny and can't get it to the 'right' consistency.  This whole issue has completely taken over our family life and has at times been hell.  My son constantly has overflow and can have to change him 3-4 times a day sometimes.  I now at 4 make him clean himself up in the hope that it will make the whole clean up process really unpleasant for him and that he will see the toilet as a much better place to poo.  I agree that it is completely psychological which I feel all the doctors/paeds are overlooking - they just say we have to retrain his bowel etc.... Well that's all well and good, but he CHOOSES to hold on to the poo, so I feel like I have to work on his mindset as well as the medical side.  I also resonated with the thought that it could be OCD, meaning that he knows he should poo in the toilet but he is so used to holding on and lying around with the sore tummy that that is all he knows now and is comfortable doing.  I have been doing a bit of research on hypnotists for children - has anyone gone down this path???  I feel like if the holding on is an 'addiction' just like smoking or over eating would be say to an adult perhaps I would be able to alter his response to it through hypnotherapy.  Has anyone any thoughts on this, or had any other therapy or approach work for their child.  Sometimes I feel like this whole issue is ripping our family apart through frustration especially family and friends who constantly badger us with 'what are you doing about it' and 'have you fixed him yet'

[katkatz]

Like everyone else here....thank you so much for talking about this.  On one hand I am so happy and relieved to see that I am not the only one dealing with this.  On the other, it does make me sad to realize that it is probably not going to get better any time soon.

My son is 5 1/2...we've been dealing with him holding his poop since he was 2 1/2.  We've tried everything from bribing, punishing, rewarding, basically promising him the world! Nothing works.  We took him to a pedi gastro in NYC that had us give him an enema and miralax.  He still takes a cap of miralax a day.  It has gotten better that it is not so hard but still holds it in for days.  One thing with my son is that he has NEVER complained of stomach aches!  Only complaint of pain was when the poop was so hard coming out.  After the enema he was doing better but about a week or so later he went back to holding in.  What also makes it so frustrating for us is that we also have a 4 year old daughter who practically potty trained herself!  She even tells my son that he stinks and won't let him in her room.  So it really is affecting the whole house.

After reading what everyone has said on here I came to a decision.....I am no longer going to bribe, punish, promise the world.  I am going to just try my best to deal with it, praise him when he goes and just be as calm as I can when I have to change him 5 times a day.  

[stefygee]

My son has had this same problem since he was 5 yrs old he is now 10. \he is diagnosed with PANDAS which main symptom is OCD. It took us 4 years before we figured out it was a compulsion. He is on daily Miralax, which forces him to go,he  ended up stretching his stomach lining so we had no choice but to do the daily laxative :(otherwise he would not be going poo at all. Hope this helps