6 year old expelled from school for bad behaviour, but is very good at home

[cookiek]

Please help.My just turned six year old son has been to fourschools since he turned  and has been asked to leave each one of them due to to exreme bad behaviour. He refuses to do what teachers tell him to do, and has even hit out at them. At school he refused to do any work or join in any craft or games activities. He was using bad language and verbaly and physically assauting other children. He did not respond to time out and does not care for sticker charts. He would promise us that he would not misbehave again, but everyday we were called in to hear a rap sheet of things he had done.

He is now homeschooled,as we cannot put ourselves through him being expelled from yet anoher school, and we have been homeschooling him for 5 months, but is being very defiant towards his tutor who comes in two afternoons per week. Refusing to learn for her and generally being very rude to her and messing around, just like he did in school. He also goes to a learning centre twice a week, but tonight we were told he was not welcome there anymore as he is being very difient and breaking the rules of the centre time and time again.

[cookiek]

sorry...my post was quite long and i dont think the last part showed, so here it is again.....

He has no learning difficilties. No autism or any other disorders, we have asked his doctors who can never understand what the schools are talking about as all they see is a lovely well behaved boy - as we do at home. the only bad behaviour we see at home is his rudness to his tutor. Hes a right boy who is learning (wothme) fast. We have no troubles with tantrums, bedtimes, food etc.

Why is he so awful at school or with tutors but fine for me? I could understand if there was a learning difficuly but its not. And its been four different schools, not just an isolated incident. My husband and I are at our wits end, we need him to go back to school at some point.

Teachers always thin we are lying when we tell them hes well behaved at home. HOw can we solve his behaviour when it happens outse the home?

[Sandman2]

Fantastic!!  Thanks for keeping in touch.

[RockRose]

I'm so glad you've moved him to a new school,  MaggieMay!  What a success.

He sounds like a delightful little boy.

Be prepared,  in the future,  to see this kind of attitude toward appropriate child behavior in public schools.  There are some teachers who really want kids to sit still in their desks like little zombies.  

And now that you know,  and you've experienced this,  you will know he's right on track and doing fine.  Appropriate childlike behavior.

Kids who move around a lot turn into adults who move around a lot too -  both literally and figuratively - which is a great thing.  

[maggiemay70]

I thought I would add a follow up, because I was so moved and heartened by Cookiek's follow up. On the recommendation of the school, we ended up taking our son to a variety of specialists to find a "diagnosis" for his difficulties. I was extremely upset and anxious about all this, especially because my son's behavior at home was really pretty good - but you know how it is when someone (let alone a trusted child care provider!) is telling you "something is wrong" with your kid.

In any event, none of the specialists found anything even remotely wrong with my son. The last, a behavioral therapist, said that everything my son was doing in school was utterly age-appropriate, and some might be the result of him really not liking it very much there. On her advice, we pulled him from the school before Christmas.

He's now been in his new school for over two months, and is getting awards for good behavior! It's a much better fit for him, and his teachers love him and even call him a "model student" (at 4!). I am angry at the other school for so thoroughly pathologizing my son's (apparently very normal) behavior, but grateful we got good advice and we've found a better home-away-from-home for him.

Thank you RockRose and Sandman2 for your support! And thank you Cookiek again for posting. Here's to better days.

[maggiemay70]

Thanks, Rock Rose. I appreciate your input. I'm definitely going to start looking  other options.

[RockRose]

I agree with Sandman.  

This is a 3 year old who doesn't nap - placing him on a mat for an hour and making him be quiet would be very frustrating for him.  

I agree that you might want to look into another daycare with more activity.  If he's tossing toys in the room,  and not actually throwing them AT someone it's hard to think they would send him home for that.  When my kids were that age we had stuff they COULD throw in areas they could throw them.  

He really doesn't sound all that off-track - best wishes.