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6 years old stepson too clingy on his Mom

I am having a similar issue to child jealousy. My 6 year old step son is becoming way too clingy of his mom. It'a starting to really bother me. He has to always be there and up her butt. His 8 year old brother isn't like that at all. It's like he's jealous that she gives me attention and has to try to get it all. She works a lot. So I'd like that attention too. The 6 year old has to always be up someone's leg, he won't go do anything by himself. Idk if this is normal for his age or if there is a problem? Thanks
3 Responses
134578 tn?1614729226
Well, yes, it is normal for a kid to go through a phase every now and then (and the phases can be long!) where he really needs to be in emotional touch with his parent.  You married her knowing she had kids, but I am guessing you never expected they would have needs that automatically come before your needs.  But they are only kids once, and actually the time is shorter than you think right now that they will be kids in your life or your face or "up her butt."  If a parent wants a child to grow up without trauma and emotional wounds and sadness, it matters to reassure and cuddle the kid, whenever the kid needs it, no matter if the adult judges the kid's needs to be silly.  (In other words, if a kid needs, he needs.) And this matters now because this is the only shot she (and you) get to help this child through this part of growing up.  You don't want me to say it probably, but it matters even more than it matters that you, an adult, get whatever you want from your wife at the exact time you want it.  This is because it is laying the foundation for the rest of the kid's life, and your foundation is already in place and won't be derailed by a few years of her having divided attention. I'm sorry this is happening, usually when it is not a stepdad but a biological dad, the dad doesn't protest this point because he loves the child as much as the mom does and wants the child to come out of his or her childhood without emotional gaps.  Harder for a stepparent to develop that mindset.  But I will say, if you can develop that mindset, that a child with needs should have his needs met, your wife will value and appreciate you more than rubies, and it will cement your marriage forever.
973741 tn?1342342773
My younger son is probably what you would describe as 'clingy' at 11!  :>)  But my husband has no problem with it because he is not in competition with him.  He loves him as much as I do.  If anything, he's jealous of our son preferring me all the time.  It's hard when you are the step parent.  I totally get it.  But kids are all different and the boy loves his mama.  And he might be a little extra clingy as a new man is in his mother's life.  This is natural for a child.  Think of how you feel . . .  you call the child jealous but deep down, he's bugging you because he too is competing for her attention.  It bugs YOU . ..  imagine if you had the emotions of a 6 year old and the immature ways a 6 year old has of communicating it.  So, many kids in a step situation might be a bit more clingy.  Personally, I think the best thing to do is to ignore it and allow him to cling as much as he wants.  He'll begin to separate especially as he feels more secure in the situation.  Good luck.
13167 tn?1327194124
Well,  I gotta hand it to you for being honest.  Your feelings are very very common on these boards - stepdad thinks a small child is too clingy and basically only wanted to marry the woman,  and not the kid.  The stepdad usually goes on and on about how the kid is abnormal.

You're honest,  though - your wife doesn't have enough attention to go around,  and you want to be getting it,  not him.  Your wife must feel incredibly pulled in both directions - and if she's a good mom,  it's you she'll let go of instead of her child.

Unless,  of course,  she's now pregnant and not free to leave.

Children are born with the strong desire to keep their "nests" intact - and this child perceives you as a danger to his place in the nest - which I think you'll agree,  you are.

Go a week without ever saying "go away",  "let go of her",  and see if he doesn't ease up a bit.  At least your wife would get some relief from the tension.  
2 Comments
I just love this answer. Very straightforward and 100% truth! I'm always a bit shocked to see grown men with no biological children marry women with children from a previous relations...that whining and carrying on that he isn't getting enough attention is nuts! Thinking there's something wrong with the kid bc he loves his mom?! Did you not see this woman with her children before you proposed marriage? I would think her being a good mother would be a very attractive quality.
I knew I would be with my (now) fiancé the rest of my life after the first day I saw him with my son. He stopped talking to me mid-sentence when he met my middle son for the first time. He immediately went to him and started a conversation & shortly after they were playing tag & laughing their ***** off together. The look in my son's eyes that day solidified it all for me. My fiancé was a keeper! 4 years later, they are closer than ever, my son calls him daddy & his best friend. I could never imagine marrying a man who my children didn't already know and love.
I'm actually a woman with a similar plight. My 12 yr old stepdaughter is super clingy with her dad and I find myself getting jealous too. I feel guilty tho because I know she doesn't get to see her dad as much as a normal kid, so I never mention anything or tell her to leave him alone. I even gave up the last 3 days of our anniversary vacation so we could have her for the weekend because she has activities with her mom the next 2 weekends in a row. I just never get to see my husband either because he's a truck driver and he's only home weekends. When he is home everyone is up his butt to fix this or install that, or help move this, or fix their car, etc...and the off weekends when she is here, it seems like we are both waiting "our turn" with him lol. It is just extra nuts because her behavior is not just a normal kid missing her father. She's got ADHD and her parents only give her meds on school days....so she's on and off, frustrated, emotional, aggressive, and dare I say...annoying?! I love her dearly and she loves me too, so I know it could be worse-she could hate my guts. I'm sure the father in the original question realizes these things and doesn't begrudge his stepson time with his mom...it's just that he misses his wife! And I really miss my husband too. The guilt thing is awful when you realize youre actually JEALOUS of your kid!
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