Aa
6 years old that can't entertain self and has no friends
I am concerned with my 6 year old step son's social development. We have him every weekend. When he is at our house he doesn't know how to play by himself. He has tons of toys and only wants to watch t.v, play Play Station or if his father or I will go outside he'll play that way. He can't go into his room and play with his toys by himself. He walks around the house looking lost if you aren't playing with him. Plus he made a comment the other day that he doesn't like school, he just finished first grade, and has no friends. I asked him why he said that they are mean to him. He doesn't live in the neighborhood near the school which is my husband's excuse for not having friends. He has been going to the same school for kindergarden and first grade. Plus he is at his grandma's house everyday after school for about 3 hours, which is near the school. I tried explaining to my husband that this behavior isn't normal. I just get told to shut my mouth. He doesn't see anything wrong with not being able to play byself, not wanting to go outside, not liking school or having no friends.
To me this isn't normal for a child that will be 7 in Sept of this year (07).
To me this isn't normal for a child that will be 7 in Sept of this year (07).
This is why blended famlies should be avoided. Shame on the adults for bringing more children into this mess. Another divorce is in the future for sure, but no lesson will be learned. Yall will further neglect the children's needs by following your raging hormones and bring yet another adult into their lives and perhaps more attention starved and confused children.
I totally hear you and see myself in your shoes. I am in the exact same spot with my 6 yr old stepson. He lies to his dad about things that I or my daughters (5 and 9) say or do. For the past 4 yrs I have tried everything to make this boys life "normal", and have run into roadblocks like my mother-in-law who is always pulling the "poor me" card anytime she can. When my husband and his ex wife separated, their son was 2, and since then grandma has at every chance and anyone she talks to and within earshot of the boy state how "poor so-so, his parents aren't together anymore, he has such a rough life". I made it very clear from the start that I was not here to take his mom's place. When I and my ex separated my girls were 2 and 6. We both agreed to make this as easy for them as possible. We never say bad things about each other in front of or to the girls, if we need to discuss something we meet away from them, and we never argue or contradict each other in front of them. They are well adjusted and happy children. They tell both of us that they love us and have many friends in and out of school. Their teachers tell us how well mannered and helpful they are. I'm not saying I am perfect, but have tried very hard. On the otherside though my stepson has a hard time relating to kids, he won't ask me to make him breakfast or lunch, but will ask one of my daughters to ask me if she can have something - then she will give it to him - he thinks that I don't know what he's doing. He has broken everything from toys to the soap dispenser attached to my kitchen sink. His dad doesn't see any of this. When we first started dating, there were always toys laid out on the work bench waiting to be fixed or glued. The kicker was when he started peeing in his closet a month ago. He has no feelings - he gives blank looks when you try to explain something to him that is wrong, never apologizes or owns up to his mistakes - or doesn't recognize them as mistakes. He thinks it's ok to pee in his closet and lie and break things. His father doesn't see this and I am made out to be the bad one.
So I can sympathize with you. You can be sure that you are not alone.
Jokr2001
So I can sympathize with you. You can be sure that you are not alone.
Jokr2001
Thank you for your advise. I am really not trying to be a mean step mom. Like you said it is sad that he hasn't received the adequate amount of love and attention he needs. That is my concern and wish the husband would see that. I just don't want him to suffer growing up. It will/has effected him as a child, to young adult to adult. He will/has problems in school already with listening/following direction and making friends. That concerns me and he needs some kind of help. I don't think you are being harsh or mean. I think my husband will live up to my expectations when it comes to our children because I can see the difference in how it treats them. He is harder on my daughter. He has told her no more in 11 months than he has his son in the 3 1/2 years that I have been with him. I want him to discipline her and teach her right and wrong. But I wish he would feel the same way when it comes to his son. I know there is a guilt problem there. But to me if him and his ex (not wife-just mother of child) would have stayed together it would have been worse for my stepson.
typo, should read: When children fail to bond with parent(s) during infancy and toddlerhood they become quite incesure... The parents failed to bond with him and he did not recieve adequate nurturing and caregiving to be a secure young boy today
There is alot of information on the internet about attachment and bonding, if anyone is interested in this. This is a very important and interesting topic for those interested in child behavioral health.
There is alot of information on the internet about attachment and bonding, if anyone is interested in this. This is a very important and interesting topic for those interested in child behavioral health.
Obviously, this is a complicated and painful situation. This little boy probably has attachement/bonding issues. I spoke about this in my first post to you. When children to bond will with a parent during infancy and toddlerhood they will be quite insecure. nThis is a very insecure child. His parents have failed him. This is because they did not recieve the nurturing and caregiving that is necessary to a very young child. Family and child therapy along with various kinds of books that apply to your family situation will not be a cure all, but these things would help.
If biological dad and mom aren't workable, then they are not. I agree that this situation is certainly not a clear-cut case of abuse or neglect that would be recognized absolutely by the child welfare agency. In any case, this child has not and is not presently receiving an adequate amount of love and nurturance. That is a damn shame. In damn shame cases, though we can clearly see the problems and the solutions there is not alot we can do about them. Just be the best step-mom that you can. I forsee that your husband my not live up to your expectations, in terms of his ability to be a father to your children with him. I base this on his unwillingness and/or inablilty to acknowledge the problems with this little boy. I am not attempting to be harsh or mean-spirited, just realistic.
Best wishes...
If biological dad and mom aren't workable, then they are not. I agree that this situation is certainly not a clear-cut case of abuse or neglect that would be recognized absolutely by the child welfare agency. In any case, this child has not and is not presently receiving an adequate amount of love and nurturance. That is a damn shame. In damn shame cases, though we can clearly see the problems and the solutions there is not alot we can do about them. Just be the best step-mom that you can. I forsee that your husband my not live up to your expectations, in terms of his ability to be a father to your children with him. I base this on his unwillingness and/or inablilty to acknowledge the problems with this little boy. I am not attempting to be harsh or mean-spirited, just realistic.
Best wishes...
Thank you all for your advise. Now you are seeing my point. In the other posting which I didn't mean to do. (wanted to ask a dr) you tell me I am a bad step mother.
I am not trying to completely prove to my husband that his son has a problem. I just want him to open up his eyes a little more. He doesn't see it. And I am sorry if we wanted to have a family of our own.- Rock Rose (Making two more babies isn't the way, that's for sure, but loving him and spending time with him is).
It does make me want to cry about his statement about why he won't ask me to do things. I told my husband that and he didn't see anything wrong or that his son was looking for reinsurance that he loves him. I tell him all the time that we love him.
I don't want him to completely act normal. I just want my husband to see that he is crying out of attention and that it's not so called normal for a child to act the way he does. That there is meaning behind his actions.
I try to do things with him, just the two of us so we can bond. When it's just the two of us, he acts completely different and we have fun. There is no wining and acting like a 2 year old. But as soon as it's all four of us it's different.
Cleveland Mom- I know it's hard for parents and step to be on the same page. But my husband and I need to be on the same page when we have my step son and we aren't. I know we can't change the way his mother parents or does with him. I want my husband to see that it would help if we go to family therapy. That way we all understand where each is coming from and can work to make it better. But he doesn't see that there is anything wrong with the family, just me. That is what concerns me. Like RockRose said, it's sad what he said about why he won't ask me to do anything for him. He is confused and needs some understanding that even though his mother and father aren't together that they still love him. I tell him all the time how lucky he is to have so many people that love him and how special he is. I tell him not to many people have a mom, dad and a step mom that loves him along with all the grandparents, uncles and aunts and so on from having a large blended family (Making my family his family now that we are married)
About the neglecte part my husband doesn't want to cause any problems and won't address the issue of his mother not giving him baths except for once a week. He sees nothing wrong with his eating habits and not eating healthy. He says that his mom doesn't make him eat or try different things so what is the use of us. He won't address that issue either. It would take more than saying she doesn't have him eat health or give him baths for family services to do anything. We already looked into the whole unfit mother. It will be very hard and almost impossible for us to prove it.
Koukla29- my husband spends all the time with him when we have him on weekends. I can somewhat tell you what goes on at mom's house. while he was in school....she drops him off, he gets picked up by her mother and stays with them until she gets off of work which is around 5:30 so she gets to their house around 5:50. She takes him home, give him dinner and probably lets him set in front of t.v. until he goes to bed. I am sure she doesn't do much with him. That is why he doesn't know how to play byself or play with toys period. He just wants to watch t.v.
I know if he doesn't think there is an issue there isn't much I can do. But not doing something to me is wrong. Like I told my mother if you saw a child being abused in anyway and didn't do anything there would be something wrong with you and that is how I feel. I want my husband to open up his eyes and see his son is hurting for attention and love and isn't getting it from his mother. That him being stuck to him 24/7 where he can't even use the bathroom, it is telling us something. that is my biggest concern with the whole stuck to his father.
My step son did feel comfortable around me when we first started dating. Than when he realized I wasn't going anywhere is attitude changed towards me.
On trying to start fits, I normally do try to ignore the behavior but I wanted my husband to see it wasn't me.
With trying to make him feel part of the family. I have tried. We got him a big brother book and we have him read it all the time. He doesn't help much or do much with his sister. She loves him to death and gets excited when he comes over. He'll take her toys away from her and doesn't like that she follows him or gets in his toys.
When we found out we where having a baby for the first time, we told him first and took him to dr to see his baby sister. So he would feel apart of it. We explained how important it was to be a big brother and the role he would play. Having to teach her things, like what is right and wrong. How to roll a ball or talk or walk.
That is true if he can sense that his mom doesn't want me and I am a mom, than your right why would I want him in his eyes. I know she puts on a front that she loves him to us.
About discipline I tried to have it come from both but my husband doesn't believe in it. Like I said he wants to be his best friend. I tried explaining that I wasn't going to have our children have to follow rules and his son not. That it had to be equal and consistant with all the kids. I don't think it will be fair to our two children to have one set of rules and him have another.
I am not trying to completely prove to my husband that his son has a problem. I just want him to open up his eyes a little more. He doesn't see it. And I am sorry if we wanted to have a family of our own.- Rock Rose (Making two more babies isn't the way, that's for sure, but loving him and spending time with him is).
It does make me want to cry about his statement about why he won't ask me to do things. I told my husband that and he didn't see anything wrong or that his son was looking for reinsurance that he loves him. I tell him all the time that we love him.
I don't want him to completely act normal. I just want my husband to see that he is crying out of attention and that it's not so called normal for a child to act the way he does. That there is meaning behind his actions.
I try to do things with him, just the two of us so we can bond. When it's just the two of us, he acts completely different and we have fun. There is no wining and acting like a 2 year old. But as soon as it's all four of us it's different.
Cleveland Mom- I know it's hard for parents and step to be on the same page. But my husband and I need to be on the same page when we have my step son and we aren't. I know we can't change the way his mother parents or does with him. I want my husband to see that it would help if we go to family therapy. That way we all understand where each is coming from and can work to make it better. But he doesn't see that there is anything wrong with the family, just me. That is what concerns me. Like RockRose said, it's sad what he said about why he won't ask me to do anything for him. He is confused and needs some understanding that even though his mother and father aren't together that they still love him. I tell him all the time how lucky he is to have so many people that love him and how special he is. I tell him not to many people have a mom, dad and a step mom that loves him along with all the grandparents, uncles and aunts and so on from having a large blended family (Making my family his family now that we are married)
About the neglecte part my husband doesn't want to cause any problems and won't address the issue of his mother not giving him baths except for once a week. He sees nothing wrong with his eating habits and not eating healthy. He says that his mom doesn't make him eat or try different things so what is the use of us. He won't address that issue either. It would take more than saying she doesn't have him eat health or give him baths for family services to do anything. We already looked into the whole unfit mother. It will be very hard and almost impossible for us to prove it.
Koukla29- my husband spends all the time with him when we have him on weekends. I can somewhat tell you what goes on at mom's house. while he was in school....she drops him off, he gets picked up by her mother and stays with them until she gets off of work which is around 5:30 so she gets to their house around 5:50. She takes him home, give him dinner and probably lets him set in front of t.v. until he goes to bed. I am sure she doesn't do much with him. That is why he doesn't know how to play byself or play with toys period. He just wants to watch t.v.
I know if he doesn't think there is an issue there isn't much I can do. But not doing something to me is wrong. Like I told my mother if you saw a child being abused in anyway and didn't do anything there would be something wrong with you and that is how I feel. I want my husband to open up his eyes and see his son is hurting for attention and love and isn't getting it from his mother. That him being stuck to him 24/7 where he can't even use the bathroom, it is telling us something. that is my biggest concern with the whole stuck to his father.
My step son did feel comfortable around me when we first started dating. Than when he realized I wasn't going anywhere is attitude changed towards me.
On trying to start fits, I normally do try to ignore the behavior but I wanted my husband to see it wasn't me.
With trying to make him feel part of the family. I have tried. We got him a big brother book and we have him read it all the time. He doesn't help much or do much with his sister. She loves him to death and gets excited when he comes over. He'll take her toys away from her and doesn't like that she follows him or gets in his toys.
When we found out we where having a baby for the first time, we told him first and took him to dr to see his baby sister. So he would feel apart of it. We explained how important it was to be a big brother and the role he would play. Having to teach her things, like what is right and wrong. How to roll a ball or talk or walk.
That is true if he can sense that his mom doesn't want me and I am a mom, than your right why would I want him in his eyes. I know she puts on a front that she loves him to us.
About discipline I tried to have it come from both but my husband doesn't believe in it. Like I said he wants to be his best friend. I tried explaining that I wasn't going to have our children have to follow rules and his son not. That it had to be equal and consistant with all the kids. I don't think it will be fair to our two children to have one set of rules and him have another.
So it sounds like dad does spend lots of time with him, and yet, he still is feeling insecure about his father's affection. I can only guess what mom's house is like for him. Maybe he thinks neither of his parents want him. They don't have to have been married for your step son to feel the effects of living the separation. If he percieves that he belongs nowhere, I am not surprised he doesn't make friends. He's too busy worrying about his home life to make friends and connect.
I applaud you for your concern about your step son. Unfortunately, if dad doesn't see a problem and thinks you are the one with the issue, then what can you do? Your hands are tied. I think the real problem is that your boyfriend is not working with you to best help your step son. From reading your last post, it doesn't sound like your step son is very comfortable with you. Could his mother be saying things about you? By the way, if you know that he tries to start fights, instead of confronting him, ignore the behavior.
Try talking to your boyfriend again. This is your family you are talking about. What are the best ways to make this little boy feel more included in the family? Can he help you with changing the baby? There are children's books on blended family that might be helpful in explaining that you are all part of something very special. Anything that will help him understand that he is special and loved and part of the whole family. He is actually a big brother, something he can take pride in, since he will be looked up to. This also means he will need to protect his younger siblings. All of this may be a good way to make him feel like he has a role in your family. Best of luck.
PS. If mom didn't want him, she never makes time for him, and whatever other awful messages are coming from her, I can imagine the image of a "mom" is not nice to this little boy. He may have trouble thinking you want him if his own mother doesn't. You can't control mom, but try to give this kid a lot of space - even if he is acting out towards you. Try not to take it personal. Keep showing him lots of love. Discipline for him should come from the both of you as a united front - not from you.
I applaud you for your concern about your step son. Unfortunately, if dad doesn't see a problem and thinks you are the one with the issue, then what can you do? Your hands are tied. I think the real problem is that your boyfriend is not working with you to best help your step son. From reading your last post, it doesn't sound like your step son is very comfortable with you. Could his mother be saying things about you? By the way, if you know that he tries to start fights, instead of confronting him, ignore the behavior.
Try talking to your boyfriend again. This is your family you are talking about. What are the best ways to make this little boy feel more included in the family? Can he help you with changing the baby? There are children's books on blended family that might be helpful in explaining that you are all part of something very special. Anything that will help him understand that he is special and loved and part of the whole family. He is actually a big brother, something he can take pride in, since he will be looked up to. This also means he will need to protect his younger siblings. All of this may be a good way to make him feel like he has a role in your family. Best of luck.
PS. If mom didn't want him, she never makes time for him, and whatever other awful messages are coming from her, I can imagine the image of a "mom" is not nice to this little boy. He may have trouble thinking you want him if his own mother doesn't. You can't control mom, but try to give this kid a lot of space - even if he is acting out towards you. Try not to take it personal. Keep showing him lots of love. Discipline for him should come from the both of you as a united front - not from you.
Its very difficult when parents and step parents are not on the same page. Mom and dad are the legal decision-maker for him in terms of education, health care and mental health care. If they don't acknowlede that the is experiencing diffuculties and want to seek help in the form of child and family therapy there is really not much that you can do. However, if this child is being abused or neglected than you should make it your responsibilty to do something. Adults that have knowledge that a child is being heard need to be the voice for that child. You mentioned on another post that his hygeine isn't good and that he isn't getting good meals.
All kids are entitled to live free of abuse and neglect. If you have real concerns that he is being neglected in anyway you could contact your local child welfare agency/family services and make a report of your concerns. Legallly, this agency cannot identify you as the reporter.
Continue to be kind, loving and supportive of this boy. Best wishes...
All kids are entitled to live free of abuse and neglect. If you have real concerns that he is being neglected in anyway you could contact your local child welfare agency/family services and make a report of your concerns. Legallly, this agency cannot identify you as the reporter.
Continue to be kind, loving and supportive of this boy. Best wishes...
Michigan Mom - you are a classic snapshot of a blended family. It sounds like you are trying to force fit this situation, and your stepson into a pretty picture, and it is simply not going to happen. You aren't going to be able, through discipline and trying, to make this little hurting lonely boy whole.
I think first, you should stop competing with him and trying to "prove" to your husband that the boy has a problem. Your husband knows that, and it seems like he's trying his very best to fill that hole. (Making two more babies isn't the way, that's for sure, but loving him and spending time with him is).
Doesn't it makeyou want to cry, his statement that he always asks his father to do things because he wants his father to know he loves him? That is so sad.
Maybe he does need family therapy, but from the viewpoint of how can you make this boy hurt less and feel more a part of the family, not from the viewpoint of making him act normal and quit being irritating and taking all your husband's time
In re-reading, this sounds harsh. I just hurt for that little boy, and wish you could bend to his needs, rather than trying to get him in line before yet another hurt in his life comes along - your new baby.
I think first, you should stop competing with him and trying to "prove" to your husband that the boy has a problem. Your husband knows that, and it seems like he's trying his very best to fill that hole. (Making two more babies isn't the way, that's for sure, but loving him and spending time with him is).
Doesn't it makeyou want to cry, his statement that he always asks his father to do things because he wants his father to know he loves him? That is so sad.
Maybe he does need family therapy, but from the viewpoint of how can you make this boy hurt less and feel more a part of the family, not from the viewpoint of making him act normal and quit being irritating and taking all your husband's time
In re-reading, this sounds harsh. I just hurt for that little boy, and wish you could bend to his needs, rather than trying to get him in line before yet another hurt in his life comes along - your new baby.
They were never married which doesn't mean it isn't hard for him. But they have been apart since he was 2 1/2 and now he'll be 7. I don't think his mother spends much time with him. He isn't married and has no other kids. She didn't even want to have kids. She got preg. young. My husband and I have an 11 month old together and another on the way, due Jan 08.
I know he starving for his fathers attention but this weekend thing isn't something new. It's so bad that he won't even ask me to get him breakfast in morning when he gets dropped off if his father is sleeping. I'll ask him and he'll say he isn't hungry. Lets say 10 mins later his father will get up and he'll tell him he is hungry. He told me if he asks me to do things or get things he is affraid that his father might think he loves him less.
I have brought up family therapy but my husband says I am the one that needs therapy. He see's nothing wrong with the way his son is. I love his son to death and that is why I am concerned about him. I try to be positive and loving around him. It's just hard one my daughter is pushed aside, his son has different rules to follow and his son will do things to get his father and I fighting. He even admitted this weekend he said something to get us to fight. He told me that when his father was in the bathroom. I told him to tell his father what he told me and he started to cry and said he didn't know what I was talking about. I told my husband and he didn't believe me. They do things together all the time on weekends. They have there alone time which is fine but it can't be the whole time we have him on weekends because he has another child and one on the way.
I know he starving for his fathers attention but this weekend thing isn't something new. It's so bad that he won't even ask me to get him breakfast in morning when he gets dropped off if his father is sleeping. I'll ask him and he'll say he isn't hungry. Lets say 10 mins later his father will get up and he'll tell him he is hungry. He told me if he asks me to do things or get things he is affraid that his father might think he loves him less.
I have brought up family therapy but my husband says I am the one that needs therapy. He see's nothing wrong with the way his son is. I love his son to death and that is why I am concerned about him. I try to be positive and loving around him. It's just hard one my daughter is pushed aside, his son has different rules to follow and his son will do things to get his father and I fighting. He even admitted this weekend he said something to get us to fight. He told me that when his father was in the bathroom. I told him to tell his father what he told me and he started to cry and said he didn't know what I was talking about. I told my husband and he didn't believe me. They do things together all the time on weekends. They have there alone time which is fine but it can't be the whole time we have him on weekends because he has another child and one on the way.
Sounds to me like he is having diffiiculty with the divorce. I know you said they have been divorced for years, however, from what you have said his focus when he is at your house is being with his father. He is starving for his father's affection (this doesn't mean dad isn't giving it to him) but I have seen plenty of children that have difficulty in this area. What is life like with mom? Is there a step dad? Do you have any children together?
In addition, when he comes over to spend time with his father, it does not surprise me that he follows you guys around like a lost puppy. This little boy is starving for his father's affection.
I think you should talk to your husband about possible family therapy. It would help this little boy, and it will help you. I get the feeling you are very focused on and uncomfortable with your step son. This does not help the situation, nor does it help to push him towards social situations, if he realy wants to spend each moment with dad. I understand your frustration, but at the same time, children are egocentric - they think the world revolves around them and take everything very personal. Like everything is their fault or somehow caused by them. Maybe he does not feel confident about his father's affection. Be as positive as possible around him, and ask dad to do the same. Ask dad to take him to a movie - just the two of them, of find an activity they can do together.
Best wishes.
In addition, when he comes over to spend time with his father, it does not surprise me that he follows you guys around like a lost puppy. This little boy is starving for his father's affection.
I think you should talk to your husband about possible family therapy. It would help this little boy, and it will help you. I get the feeling you are very focused on and uncomfortable with your step son. This does not help the situation, nor does it help to push him towards social situations, if he realy wants to spend each moment with dad. I understand your frustration, but at the same time, children are egocentric - they think the world revolves around them and take everything very personal. Like everything is their fault or somehow caused by them. Maybe he does not feel confident about his father's affection. Be as positive as possible around him, and ask dad to do the same. Ask dad to take him to a movie - just the two of them, of find an activity they can do together.
Best wishes.
If this little boy may be having problems with anxiety specifically social anxiety. As jdtm pointed out on another post, anxiety is an inherited condition. Social anxiety causes serious difficulties for young children. On the severe end of the spectrum a child will be mute at school(selective mutism). A child with less severe social anxiety will have difficulties interacting with peers and making friend because of their anxieties. A child or person doesn't choose to have an anxiety problem. Hopefully, we have given you some leads as to what may be going on with this little boy. Best wishes...
I agree with RockRose, again. Sometimes, with young kids its a matter of finding the right fit for the child. My 4 almost 5 year old son is quiet and seems overwhelmed by very extroverted kids. Its funny how if he finds that one special boy he is interested how happy and well he plays. Boys tend to mature more slowly than girls in the social arena. A year or two can make a big difference in terms of how they function socially.
I agree with Rock Rose. None of this sounds terribly unusual behavior for a 6 year old boy. His clinginess and whining behavior may be because he is insecurely attached to his mother and father. By this I mean that in his very early years as an infant, toddler he may not have bonded appropriated with his parents. Kids that don't bond securely display some of the behaviors that you describe, clinginess, difficulties being alone. Maybe you know something about his early years.
All children mature at different rates in all of the domains. Kids develop social skills as different paces as kids develop physical skills like the ability to ride a bike, read or write at different paces. Naturally, their environment and their experiences in life have and impact on how they develop. I would however be concerned if he is complaining that he has no friends.
You could encourage dad to talk to his mother and his teacher at school about this issues. If there does seem to be an issue other than social immaturity, then possibly a school counselor could help. Also, dad could talk to his son's doctor/pediatrician about these concerns. His physician could also provide some insight into these concerns. However, it sounds as if dad doesn't see any concern with his son. If you are unable to persuade dad to act on your concerns, I don't see that there is much that you can do. Best wishes...
All children mature at different rates in all of the domains. Kids develop social skills as different paces as kids develop physical skills like the ability to ride a bike, read or write at different paces. Naturally, their environment and their experiences in life have and impact on how they develop. I would however be concerned if he is complaining that he has no friends.
You could encourage dad to talk to his mother and his teacher at school about this issues. If there does seem to be an issue other than social immaturity, then possibly a school counselor could help. Also, dad could talk to his son's doctor/pediatrician about these concerns. His physician could also provide some insight into these concerns. However, it sounds as if dad doesn't see any concern with his son. If you are unable to persuade dad to act on your concerns, I don't see that there is much that you can do. Best wishes...
It really does sound like he has trouble with kids in groups. My youngest son was that way at that age, although my son seemed very happy, and could entertain himself very well.
He just couldn't manage to engage himself in groups of kids who were playing together - it was kind of overwhelming for him, or something.
He always had one or two kids who were willing to come to the house, though, singly, and play. That worked pretty well - one on one was his style, and he developed very deep and affectionate friendships with boys, one at a time. Now he's 12 and he can finally manage to join groups successfully, although he still prefers one on one - for his birthdays, he usually invites one or two friends for canoeing or something, and they have a great time.
Is there any way you could somehow get him to find one kid, a shy quiet type kid, and take them to do fun stuff like the pool, the movies, for a snowcone, etc.? He really sounds like one on one might be very successful for him whereas just barging into a group is too hard.
best wishes.
He just couldn't manage to engage himself in groups of kids who were playing together - it was kind of overwhelming for him, or something.
He always had one or two kids who were willing to come to the house, though, singly, and play. That worked pretty well - one on one was his style, and he developed very deep and affectionate friendships with boys, one at a time. Now he's 12 and he can finally manage to join groups successfully, although he still prefers one on one - for his birthdays, he usually invites one or two friends for canoeing or something, and they have a great time.
Is there any way you could somehow get him to find one kid, a shy quiet type kid, and take them to do fun stuff like the pool, the movies, for a snowcone, etc.? He really sounds like one on one might be very successful for him whereas just barging into a group is too hard.
best wishes.
Let me describe him some more. If you aren't playing with him at all times he is wondering around the house looking lost. When I was six you couldn't get me to come in the house during the summer. I was playing with all my toys if I was inside, playing dolls or even with cars and tonka trucks. I could sit and entertain myself. He rather sit in front of t.v. or play play station instead of going outside. This weekend I told him to go outside and play cause we were busy and couldn't play with him, my husband and I were working on something in house. He was out for two seconds and came back in with some excuse, than he went back outside and was back in two minutes later. I told him he could color with chalk outside, blow bubbles or ride bike. He said what can I draw. I told him whatever he wanted to use his imagination. He had no clue what I meant or what to draw. I know kids don't like school. But he said he has no friends and everyone is mean to him. He wines alot if he doesn't get his own way or if you tell him something he doesn't want to hear. I know that is somewhat normal but he wines about everything. His family treates him like he is 2 and not almost 7. He has played soccer for a year now so he has been around children his age, he has gone to the same school and in summer he has been at same in home day care since he was born. If we are at a b-day party of kids his age, he doesn't know how to go play. He wants to hang on his father. I have told him to get a friends number so that when he is at our house he can have them come over and play or even have sleepover. He said he has no friends. His grandma tries to get him to go to one kids house but he'd rather watch t.v. Which I don't allow. I have tried to get him to interact with kids around our sub and he doesn't want anything to do with them. He is very clingy to his father. He has to follow him everywhere even to the bathroom. On the couch he has to sit on top of him. His father and mother have been apart since he was 2 1/2 so it's not something new that he only sees father on weekends. Not that it makes it easier. We even had our family reunion in Michigan one year and there were tons of kids that he knew, he wants to be stuck to his father. To me he doesn't know how to interact with children and might have a social behavioral problem. To me a child of his age should be able to play with his toys for some period of time by him/herself, not saying it has to be in bedroom by themselves.
From your description, he doesn't sound very unusual, necessarily.
Many six year old boys don't want to go in a room and sit by themselves and play with objects all by themself. If he's very entertained with PlayStation, or when his father is playing with him, that's pretty normal for a child. Do you see many wandering around outside all alone having a good time?
Also, children don't like school and will tell you that quite willingly, especially boys. ;D
By "no friends" - does that mean no one has ever made an attempt to invite neighbors to play with him, other boys weren't welcome to grandma's house, no one has ever really made an attempt to welcome friendships for him outside of school?
You might be making way too much of this. During the weekends he's with you, could he develop friendships with neighbor boys and play in the yard or play playstation at your house? Sounds like that's what he wants.
Many six year old boys don't want to go in a room and sit by themselves and play with objects all by themself. If he's very entertained with PlayStation, or when his father is playing with him, that's pretty normal for a child. Do you see many wandering around outside all alone having a good time?
Also, children don't like school and will tell you that quite willingly, especially boys. ;D
By "no friends" - does that mean no one has ever made an attempt to invite neighbors to play with him, other boys weren't welcome to grandma's house, no one has ever really made an attempt to welcome friendships for him outside of school?
You might be making way too much of this. During the weekends he's with you, could he develop friendships with neighbor boys and play in the yard or play playstation at your house? Sounds like that's what he wants.
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