6 yr old son having trouble at school/home/everywhere

[End of Rope]

For 4 months my son has been having problems behaving daily in practically every setting (school, school bus, before/after school care, at home and in public).  This is causing concern for me on just about every level (my mental health, my son's safety, the impact on his learning and social life, etc.).  He has been subject to just about every kind of discipline ranging from time out, to school punishment, to grounding, to rewarding good behavior, to spanking, and nothing seems to help. My son is the class clown at school, causing disruptions for himself, the teacher, and the other students, he completely disregards school rules, he completely disregards the rules on the bus (which have to do with his safety), he does not mind me, he completely disregards my rules, and it is hit or miss of whether or not he will listen to me if I direct him about something at a particular moment (like, "Don't touch that!" when something is sharp or hot or whatever).  In the past month my son has hit me with a shirt, he has spit in my face, and the other night he told me he would like me better if I were a prettier mom like the other kids' moms at his school!  I am at the end of my rope and don't know where to turn.  My son is not as disobedient with his father at his father's house, but this does not change his behavior at school, the bus, etc. - he gets into trouble at those places regardless.  My son's teacher and I have established a notebook that we send back and forth to communicate his behavior at school, and, though things there are getting somewhat better, his behavior at home has gotten worse.  Mostly, though, it is difficult because it is DAILY.  It is one or another thing EVERY DAY.

Mothers keep telling me it is "the age" and that he is "a boy",  but it seems like so much more than that!  Should we look into seeing a professional?  Nothing else seems to be working.

[a_mother_in_pain28]

A related discussion, my child is causing problems everywhere she goes was started.

[colep_2003]

your kid is trying to push your buttons, example: how far can i go before i get into trouble with Mommy?, hes learning: pretty far.  i suggest you take items away that are his favorites...

[6yrdad]

I read all your postings, and to some extend my son, age 6, is / was and some times acts the same way.  The many of the problems were somewhat resolved when the teacher switched for the

[stirling]

My friends 18 year old daughter has been taking lithium for 2-3 years now. Its the only thing that helped her. She went though several tough years and many meds befor they put her on it. But works great. You need to read " The Defiant Child" excellent book! You might also read "The bipolar child" to help you self diagonise your child.

[country red]

Your son sounds like what my son is getting to be. My son told stories to teacher that mom and dad argued and pushed him down stairs, we beat him with a brush, and we had child services come to investigate. I cryed for 2 days. Just knowing it's not just your kid - helps. Go see a specialist and have them do 5 series of tests to see if he is ADHD with ODD. If he is natural meds and diet change won't do, try meds but I recommend staying away from stimulants. Clonidine may help. GOOD LUCK. PS DON"T be too hard on yourself like I was at first to me. We are good mothers and it is beyond our control. I know it kills you not to know how to help your child.YOUR NOT ALONE.

[bp-son]

Hello,  
         i also have a 6 year old son... after reading your post my heart went out to u as a mom because my son acts just like yours and he was just dxed severe bipolor disorder ,adhd, and ptsd ..i soooooo know what your going through my son acts out at home and at school now....he was first just dxed as adhd and tried alot of the stimulant meds he was then hospitalized at age 5 as a danger to himself and others because he ran away from me and out into the street in a rage type trace ....he also has a 2 year old sister whom hes very mean and violent with at times ..he also kicks pinches and bites so when hes not stable i stay bruised up... the longest period i've had without a rage is a little over a month....i just now after alot of call making signed papers to start an iep workup..the schools been dragging there feet almost all year on getting him the help he needs..hes now on depakote 500mg twice a day for the bp but yesterday had to switch meds due to his behavior hes now going to be taking litium 300 mg twice a day.....does anyone else here have a child on litium and if u do could u please write a post back on how it did for your child thank u ..... bp- mother to son a.j

[redavaw1]

My child began displaying some of the same signs that you are experiencing.  I do have to agree that a lot of that behavior is related more to boys, but my daughter was the one with the problem.  We are finally getting to the root of the problem with the help of medication and counseling.  The Dr's are now calling it Oppositional Defiant + ADHD.  My daughter has a problem relating in social settings.  This is very obvious because it seemed to begin when she entered pre-school and 1st grade.  The problem only gets worse as they grow if you don't get help.  The teachers have a problem dealing with a child like this.  I thought I was going to go crazy when my daughter was in the 1st grade.  Her teacher was young and inexperienced.  Challenge is the biggest help for a child like this, but also counseling to learn how to behave in a social setting.  Clear boundaries and clear punishments.  I have learned not to tell my daughter "no" but to go around the subject like "I understand that you want this popsicle, but that is an after dinner snack."   Telling a child like this "no" is just like pinching them.  It really sets them off.  
My advice is to continue working with the Dr and get counseling. Medicine is necessary to get the child mature enough to control themselves from behaving like this.  Strattera is a new ADHD medication without a stimulant that seems to work over time.  And..... do some research on the intenet to be informed.      

[End of Rope]

Thank you very much for your quick response and your guidance.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The reasons for seeking professional help are to clarify what is occurring with your son (his behavior is not typical of the age and is not likely to improve without help) and to help you figure out a systematic way to deal with him. When children are displaying age-typical behavior, routine behavior management will usually take care of things. But your son's behavior is far outside the norm for his age, and requires some specialized attention.