6 yr old w/temper tantrums.

[dande4]

Hi Dr.,

Thank you for the very informative and supportive room. I have a 6yr girl in Kindergarten. She can be the most sweetest to the most unruly, and excuse the word, wicked child. I can tell her to do something and it takes 10 times to do it to the point I have gone from asking her nicely, to telling her, to yelling, or it is no,no,no I won't. Time out does not seem to work when it is called for, she will scream,kick at the furniture and come out of the room. I have taken away tv etc, even knowing she won't get it back does not seem to stop her behavior. Tantrums are kicking,screaming,stamping her feet, leave me alone, no,no etc.
She is a very smart little girl as I am told by her teacher. She had trouble early on in school this year, not wanting to listen to her teacher either but that seems to happen only ocassionaly now. She is very needy, I can't seem to give her enough attention! I have a 8yr old boy and 2 yr old boy, I truly try to give each equal time. She plays baseball and gymnastics, so I take her there, read with her, but when these tantrums start after asking her to do something or stop doing something, I hate to feel or say this, I start to dislike her and have to try very hard not to say something to her that I will regret later. She is really starting to get the better of me and I am not sure what else to do. I get different views, she will grow out of it, middle child syndrome(is there such a thing?), time out(which she just has to be kept putting back into into), things taken away such as tv, bike etc.

Any suggestions, counseling? Thank you!

[jojohnvic]

I have been trying to figure out how to handle the problems that my 5 year old son gives to me. I have 3 boys, 7, 5 and 2 1/2 and a baby girl on the way (end of October). My middle son gives me such a hard time with listening and always wants his way and sometimes he is the sweetest child ever, and other times he is out of control he is very into wrestling and I can not seem to stop it,, he has my youngest son doing it to,, they do all the moves to each other and I am a nervous wreck most of the time, he jumps off the couches and just does not listen when I talk, then I yell, then I threaten to take his favorite toys away and I will start to and never ever follow through,, I feel like a failure at times, I let him control me,, he wont eat what I cook most of time, cant seem to sit at the dinner table for more than a few minutes without wanting to get up and say he is full, which is not true, because everynight after 8:00 he will ask then beg and cry for something to eat and we get so mad we give in,,My husband and I know we should have more control, but we are at the end of the rope now,, and we either fly off the handle or just let him do what he wants, which we know is so wrong,, We need help really bad and do not know where to turn.

[colep_2003]

Great, i think i know what the answer is, the MD placed **** there, Here i believe its something like middle child sindrome...  there thinking, kid gets all the attention, older brother Gets to do older things, this will not go away easily...I would try to maybe...try be nice, Give the TV back, taking the stuff away isn't helping her mently...

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Here are a couple of practical points in dealing with the oppositional behavior. Be sure you never give her a direction more than two times. If she does not follow the direction after it is issued the first time, issue it only one more time, and always in this format: "(Name), unless you ......, you will go to time out." If she does not follow the direction, send her to time out and be sure to use a timer to monitor the time. Start the timer only when she is seated in her time out chair (or on her bed) quietly. Absolutely do not give up on time out - it will be the foundation of discipline throughout childhood. Also, establish an incentive system whereby you rate her three times daily on how well she is following directions. She earns her sticker for each period by not having to be sent to time out. Figure out some small treat to give immediately when she earns the sticker. A helpful book is Lynn Clark's SOS: Help for Parents. It pickes up on the general approach I've described and is an indispensable guide re: practical approach to behavior management.

[D.Grimes]

I'm in the same boat exactly.  My daughter is also 6 and in Kindergarten.  I also at times love my daughter dearly but do not always like her very much.  She is an only child.  I'm interested in hearing what the doctor has to say!!!