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7 year old being labelled by school teacher

my 7 year old son is having a terrible time at school. he is in year two and i begun helping out in his class room  during reading groups to  which i observed he wasn't doing his work. the teacher had never mentioned such a problem and as he completes his homework by himself with no errors i assumed he was doing well. he has his main teacher four days and another teach on Wednesdays. i asked both teachers to send home his incomplete work as consequence and punishment to which his Wednesday teacher labelled him autistic and no work was sent. my son loves people, craves socialism and company and has a wide variety of interests. such as space, dinosaurs, trains, robots, reading, exploration, camping, fishing, gardening, documentaries on history, nature and science, bike riding and computers all the things boys like.he is very aware of his 2 year old sister informing me if she is about to do anything dangerous. in class he displaying a lot of frustration yelling at the teacher and some times other class mates. the teacher wanted a meeting  to which i attended and when i refused her diagnosis we concluded that a communication book and unfinished work to be sent home like requested. he has improved a little trying harder to prevent  work from coming home. the teacher i feels lacks discipline with him. i watched my son roll around on the floor and she said nothing. than later uses his boredom to build a case against him. my son is having trouble with multiple directions and time limits to which i adapt my parenting giving him one task at a time and prompting him i read some info on inattentive attention deficit and feel if he has a problem it is more likely to be this than autism. he is very affectionate. as a baby he was a bad sleeper and bad eater he says he is vegetarian now. i often find him naked beside the bath instead of in the bath like he become side tracked. i can tell him where something is and he will go  and supposedly look but not find only for it to be right in front of him visually clear, like he is distracted with his own thoughts. when he is watching tv it can take up to 3 times to get his attention by calling his name his head will turn towards me though his eyes will only leave the tv if i raise my voice .when talking and having conversations he has no trouble keeping eye focus. he says he cant control himself and that he is always tired to which i assume he is lazy. it takes him hours to fall asleep each night often walking out for a drink an hour and a half later. he never cries being left at school but often cries when being picked up saying he had a bad day. his main teacher said he has trouble staying focused  i am at my wits end with the school as at home he rarely frustrates me and when he does i assume that is completely normal what child doesn't frustrate his parents periodically ?he has never had issues going to peoples places or being minded by friends or family. he wont let anyone take advantage of him if he believes someone has taken something thats his he has no trouble standing up for his own rights often seen as being disrespectful. please help me to help my son be happy in his school environment.
1 Responses
973741 tn?1342346373
Okay, take a deep breath.  It is going to be okay.  I have a couple of things . . .

First, I think when we are dealing with our children and school, it is helpful to resist an advesarial position.  It complicates matters further.  I don't think that we have to agree to whatever they say and that we ARE our children's advocate.  But having a good working relationship with the school, teachers, counselors, etc. is important.  

I hear that your son's teachers are seeing things that are not attributed to typical 7 year old behavior.  I do always give credit to a teacher's comments because they are in a unique position of looking at a child stacked up against their peers and tell who is outside of that group and why and they do so without bias.  We parents have a hard time with that.  Questions about the teacher---------  how experienced are they?  Have they asked to have your child evaluated by professional school staff (speech, Occupational therapy, psych)?  Usually a teacher doesn't "diagnose" per se but tell you what they suspect and then ask for an evaluation.  I am a huge fan of evaluations, to be honest.  Here is why.  It is your ticket to a formalized plan to help your child to be successful in school.  It is how any services are provided such as an aide, occupational therapy, etc.  All sorts of things require a little additional help and are not just a child on the autistic spectrum.  A label is a misnomer.  It is not stamped on a child's head.  In fact, all such information is completely confidential by law.  Schools work off of "plans" and to provide services, whatever is going on with a child is put under a heading to start the ball rolling to provide specific help to that child.  That is all a "label" is.  And if the my child will struggle and fail in school and have it be a miserable experience for all-------- then give my kid a label in a file that will help him get what he needs to achieve greater happiness in the school enviroment.

Secondly, what you've written does not sound like autism to me.  What it does sound like is sensory integration disorder.  My son has this and it is an issue with his nervous system.  My son is a little different than yours, but some key things you said that are sensory----------- rolling around on the floor.  In the world of a child's nervous system------- that is "trying to wake up his system".  It is "getting deep pressure to self soothe".  It is common in some sensory kids.  The inability to follow directions . . . well.  You have found ways to compensate for that at home, but it is a problem "in the real world."  Motor planning can be at play with that which involves how the brain organizes information and then sends out the task to the motor groups to do the action. Kids with sensory (or any number of issues) will avoid work because it is hard for them.  Social problems at school are quite common with sensory.  Eating issues are VERY sensory.  My son will not eat meat-----  it is a combination of motor planning (chewing requires a lot of coordination) and texture issues.  Issues with clothing, sensory.

So, I would google sensory integration disorder and see what you think.  I agree that whatever is going on with your son, it is more likely something like sensory or other nervous system issue.  My son was diagnosed with sensory at 4 and I will tell you is doing fantastic at 6.5.  He required no additional help in school and has no IEP.  We've addressed the needs of his nervous system.  He still has sensory and always will but teaching him how to cope and be successful has really paid off in the school enviroment.  So--------  do believe that if your son has a challenge (and even a mild issue can make life more difficult for a child) that they can do amazing things to help them!!  And the reason why I addressed my son's challenge?  HIM.  His self esteem was dropping, he felt like no one liked him, he was becoming unhappy.  So helping him with the challenge brought him back in balance with the world.  He was happy so I was happy.  Good luck.  Oh, and if you think sensory matches at all-----------  I have about a million suggestions to help.
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