Okay, take a deep breath. It is going to be okay. I have a couple of things . . .
First, I think when we are dealing with our children and school, it is helpful to resist an advesarial position. It complicates matters further. I don't think that we have to agree to whatever they say and that we ARE our children's advocate. But having a good working relationship with the school, teachers, counselors, etc. is important.
I hear that your son's teachers are seeing things that are not attributed to typical 7 year old behavior. I do always give credit to a teacher's comments because they are in a unique position of looking at a child stacked up against their peers and tell who is outside of that group and why and they do so without bias. We parents have a hard time with that. Questions about the teacher--------- how experienced are they? Have they asked to have your child evaluated by professional school staff (speech, Occupational therapy, psych)? Usually a teacher doesn't "diagnose" per se but tell you what they suspect and then ask for an evaluation. I am a huge fan of evaluations, to be honest. Here is why. It is your ticket to a formalized plan to help your child to be successful in school. It is how any services are provided such as an aide, occupational therapy, etc. All sorts of things require a little additional help and are not just a child on the autistic spectrum. A label is a misnomer. It is not stamped on a child's head. In fact, all such information is completely confidential by law. Schools work off of "plans" and to provide services, whatever is going on with a child is put under a heading to start the ball rolling to provide specific help to that child. That is all a "label" is. And if the my child will struggle and fail in school and have it be a miserable experience for all-------- then give my kid a label in a file that will help him get what he needs to achieve greater happiness in the school enviroment.
Secondly, what you've written does not sound like autism to me. What it does sound like is sensory integration disorder. My son has this and it is an issue with his nervous system. My son is a little different than yours, but some key things you said that are sensory----------- rolling around on the floor. In the world of a child's nervous system------- that is "trying to wake up his system". It is "getting deep pressure to self soothe". It is common in some sensory kids. The inability to follow directions . . . well. You have found ways to compensate for that at home, but it is a problem "in the real world." Motor planning can be at play with that which involves how the brain organizes information and then sends out the task to the motor groups to do the action. Kids with sensory (or any number of issues) will avoid work because it is hard for them. Social problems at school are quite common with sensory. Eating issues are VERY sensory. My son will not eat meat----- it is a combination of motor planning (chewing requires a lot of coordination) and texture issues. Issues with clothing, sensory.
So, I would google sensory integration disorder and see what you think. I agree that whatever is going on with your son, it is more likely something like sensory or other nervous system issue. My son was diagnosed with sensory at 4 and I will tell you is doing fantastic at 6.5. He required no additional help in school and has no IEP. We've addressed the needs of his nervous system. He still has sensory and always will but teaching him how to cope and be successful has really paid off in the school enviroment. So-------- do believe that if your son has a challenge (and even a mild issue can make life more difficult for a child) that they can do amazing things to help them!! And the reason why I addressed my son's challenge? HIM. His self esteem was dropping, he felt like no one liked him, he was becoming unhappy. So helping him with the challenge brought him back in balance with the world. He was happy so I was happy. Good luck. Oh, and if you think sensory matches at all----------- I have about a million suggestions to help.