7 year old fear of toilets

[lngbchmike]

I am taking care of my 7 year old niece.  For the past year that she has been with me, she has had this unrational fear of toilets.  Her mother tells me that she fell into the toilet once and that her dad teased her by pushing down on her head and flusing the toilet and telling her that she was going to flushed away. I also heard that their toilet overflowed alot as well.  I have spent the last year assuring her that the toilet will not suck her down and that that there is not enough water in the toilet to do any damage.  I had a female friend talk to her and she stuck her foot in the toilet and flushed it to show her that you cannot be sucked down the toilet.  Wouldn't you know that the second week after we moved into a new house, the plumbing backed up and she saw that her brother had caused her toilet to back up.  I had her examine the pipes and showed her where the plumber had dug up the backyard and fixed the issue.  I also flushed the toilet with her several times after it was fixed and informed her that if the water does rise, that it is slow enough for you to get away.  Several of my friends, her mother, a child therapist and our family doctor have all told her the same.  Given all this, she has taken now to holding her urine and bowel movements until the last possible moment.  She defecates a small amount in her underwear several times a week. She seems ok with using the toilets at home, but when we are out and about, she never has to go.  Now, I tell her its time to go and make her go.  She says she doesn't have to go and then when I make her sit on the toilet, she unleashes urine like the proverbial race horse and her eyes roll back in her head from the comfort of going.  Then there is the stress of flushing.  She will either refuse to flush or flush and run.  She is also obsessed with toilets. The color of them, the water level, the size of the hole at the bottom, the vibration of the water in the bowl.  I even bought her a children's book called "The Truth About Poop" that takes about the process and how plumbing works etc.  The whole process is so exhausting.  I took her to the doctor who recommended giving her Milk of Magnesia and infant supposotories to force bowel movements.  I am afraid that all this witholding of bodily functions is going to injure her.  As it is right now, when she goes pee, it is mostly clear and has the worst smell I have ever smelled.  I know she needs more psychological help, but is there any medical help she needs or problems assoicated with holding urine and bowel movements.  Right now as I can tell she has bowel movments every 3 days. We just got back from a cruise and getting her to use the vacumm toilets on the ship was a feat in and of itself, but now that we are home, she is convinced that the water levels in our toilets and the hole at the bottom has changed and refused to go. I had to sit her on the toilet and she was crying and leaning forward barely on the edge.  This is killing me to see her afraid of something we all have to use daily.  Any help would be appreciated.  Thanks

[Ebonyrose2011]

Hi there.
I have my 7 yr old granddaughter who I’ve had since she was 4.
She is petrified to use the toilet and reading what your niece is going through is very similar to my granddaughter.
I wish I had some answers for you.
I put it down to trauma and them feeling in danger whilst on the toilet - re the flight or fright syndrome.
Im starting my granddaughter in trauma therapy in the next week so hopefully that helps.
It might be something to consider for her because if what her dad did to her.
He might think it’s funny but that is trauma for a little girl who has a sensitive personality.
All the best with her and your doing an amazing job of protecting her. Xx

[savik]

Your friend is really special.  I would die if I had to stick my foot in a potty.  Her dad, well, that was just the wrong thing to do.  Obviously, she is a sensitive child. However, parents are usually inclined to make a few mistakes along the way. I don't think he was being abusive or mean--he was probably trying to make her laugh.

I have OCD to an extent, and I am afraid of potties.  I will hold it when outside the home.  And if I can't, I develop strategies on how to enter, use, and exit the room without a lot of contamination.  I taught these strategies to my daughter, and I think I am guilty of causing her potty phobia.

Bottom line.  She may grow out of it.

She may not.

You've done about everything anyone could ever think of--so you should not feel bad about it.