8 Year old still having potty accidents.

[Nicety]

Hi, I'm just curious if anyone can help me? My step brother is 8 years old and he still has accidents. He has had a BM and urinated in his pants on different occasions when he has come to visit his dad. Is this normal? Should a physician be contacted? Thank you.

[sublimelight]

It doesn't sound like your nephew is "acting out" That suggests that he is deliberately soiling himself.  It could be stress, if both parents died that is a tremendous burden to bear for anyone, let alone a child and he should be in grief counseling. Maybe there is a way to go without feeling like you're "pushing him".  There are groups and camps for children who have lost parents, (they are wonderful children are able to spend time with other children experiencing the same magnitude of loss and even if they don't talk about it, they feel supported and surrounded by people who understand their pain - not that you aren't supportive and understanding, but sometimes it helps to be with others who can relate, first hand, to your experience) and many other resources to help both children through this difficult time.  And you as well, you need support as you try to navigate this difficulty and loss.  Sorry to digress; I think it's important to not make your nephew feel ashamed or embarrassed, he's probably having a hard time understanding it himself and it may be very frightening to not be in control of an every day occurrence like using the bathroom. If he just changes the subject, that is a good indication that talking about it is uncomfortable and/or embarrassing. Also, if it's occurring outside the home he may be teased mercilessly.  It's difficult and exasperating for both of you.  So, try to be understanding or at least let him know that it's okay, it happens to kids his age sometimes and that you will do whatever you can to help him, if it continues you may need to take him to the doctor, which may be mortifying to him (having one more person know his very personal habits and now, accidents) but if he understands that you want to do what's best for him, it will be better for everyone.  
Good luck to you.  I wish you strength and patience raising your niece and nephew it's sounds like there is already love and grace, they are fortunate to have you with them during this difficult time.  I hope your nephew's situation improves, look into grief counseling for everyone, they may be able to help you with support groups as well.

[AHP84]

No, this is not "normal" for an eight yr. old, however, the concern you have posted is a little vague. Could you provide more information about your stepbrother's personality, how often the boy visits his dad and for how long, how he does in school and other social places, and how he typically interacts with other people? Does he have these accidents anywhere else besides when he sees his dad? How often does he have the accidents when he does see his dad (more than once a day, or less often)?

[Sandman2]

   Some kids have medical issues, and some kids just have issues.  Google encopresis  and be thankful that was not what your child had.

[OlderSister335]

My younger brother, 6, has been having accidents recently, and I don't know how to help him. I'm 15, and the only thing that has happened since before it started that I think might have started it was taking him to see a "very scary" movie.

[KatStandard]

Please help new to Tucson, Arizona my 8 yr old Autistic child is having night time accidents due to regressive behaviors. We can't afford pull ups but this embarrasses her terribly bad, we see the distress on her face. Any one know of a reliable place we can get help with these it is just the night time so far that she is having issues. Thanks in advanced Kat Standard     t_standard***@****

[sredd]

It sounds like it could be encopresis. My son is still dealing with that. Take him to a doctor.

[PoopMommy]

Would you apply these same suggestions for poop accidents?  I have an 8-year-old son who frequently has small poop accidents (a little bit comes out and he holds the rest) but today had a full-blown poop accident while at a friend's house.  He says the poop just takes him by surprise.

Thanks.

[shellybee1208]

I was thinking the same thing.....I pray that its not the case.

[specialmom]

Okay, rephrase.  No child of sound mind wants to urinate on themselves at 7 years old.  He sounds angry with you and you with him.  I hope that the professionals that you take him to can help the situation on all levels.  good luck

[unicorn4me]

I don't agree that no child wants to be wet.  I have an 7 year old that wets on himself because he doesn't want to go the bathroom.  When told to go to the bathroom he goes in, flushes the toilet, then turns the faucet on as though he is washing his hand.  When you make he go back to the bathroom and you go with him, he urinates  at lot.  He peed on the chairs, in his booster seat, etc.  However, he does not have accidents when at school (because he will get in trouble and won't win, his words) and road trips of 2-8 hours.  Once at daycare and home, he wets his pants.  He has also pooped in his pants on several occasions. Yes, he is under care with mental health but they are not sure of the cause.

It doesn't bother him to wear pull-ups.  In fact, he makes sure he has them on. It doesn't bother him that kids tease him to include a 4 year old sibling.

[2fulloffaith]

wow. i got on here to get help for my 6 yr old bed wetter, now it looks things could get worse. i now feel more blessed that he only pees. stay strong all.

[jessb1986]

my 5 year old daughter is still having regulaur accedents soilling and weeing , i have tryed every thing i always treat her when she uses the toilet and praise her up . but when she doesnt she either has somthing comferscated or time out im going out of my mind really dont know what 2 do i allso dont want her 2 get bulled at school as she does it nearly every day at school .

[Dadof8]

My daughter wet her pants, but only in daytime, she just wouldn't go till it was running out her ears. We thought she had a problem, but there appeared to be no problem found, we stopped worrying about, as long as she had a dress on so she wasn't embarrassed. but as time went on we found out it was a sexual thing, from 5 or 6 she would hang onto her self till it went away, but this just kept on happening, she would avoid going at all costs.

I caught her watching TV one afternoon at about 12 YO, just shaking and wobbling to prevent going, but she just couldn't hold it in any more, so just kept dribbling on the floor every so often and desperately holding on to her self, I believe it was a masturbation thing, and to be busting enhanced the clitorious feelings, Over half an hour, or however long the show lasted, enough had leaked out, she just went about doing her chores totally unperturbed, till she needed to go again, and it would start all over again. She always cleaned up after herself, so we didn’t know.

All this started at about 5, and went on till she went to secondary school, there was no point trying to do anything about it because it was deliberate, and she enjoyed every minute of it. We did everything to get her out of it, but it wasn’t worth the trauma.

You should keep an open mind on it, and that it may be a pleasure thing, I think if you continually harass them they could have anxiety problems. We had eight children, she was the only one like it. Just food for thought.

Len

[japnkids]

My 8 yr old just recently has had 2 bedwetting accidents and a BM accident at school.
He was potty trained by 3. Had only one pee accident in preschool because he was to busy playing. His father isn't in his life and I am not married. In 2007 I lost a baby that would have been his baby brother. 7 months later we lost my Mom and we lived with her at the time and she was his Baby sitter. This was very hard on all of my family and for a long time after he worried about my death, his death, and the death of other family members. He only plays basketball and I am present for every practice and every game. He doesn't go anywhere except school and my Fathers house where I am not with him all of the time. He has recently began worying about death again and what will happen to him when/if I die. Could this be the cause of his recent bathroom accidents? I have heard that being molested or sexually abused can cause this too. I have not punished him for these accidents, but unfortuantely have not been able to hold back the tears when he and I have talked about the accidents out of the fear of what has caused this recent development in my precious boys life. Let me also mention that he is a middle child and the only boy. My oldest, Girl age 14, My Son, middle child age 8, my youngest, Girl age 2 1/2 mos. Do I need to buy a gun or take him to the doctor? The gun to be used on anyone that has possibly put their hands on my child.

[motherof3boys91503]

I too am having problems with my son! He is 7 1/2 years old and was fully potty trained at 3. He started kindergarten when he was 5-6 years old and had no accidents at all. This year has been horrible for both of us! Since he has started first grade, it has been non stop bm's, hes only had one time where he wet himself but i received phone calls from his principal left and right about this and even letters sent home from his school nurse complaining about the trips down to see her. Ive had many meetings with his school trying to come up with plans. Even had to talk to a pychiatrist there. Nothing worked....I have two other boys ages 3 and 7months that are in diapers. well my three year old wears them at night. But it suddenly hit me that he was wanting some type of attention. These accidents started about 6 months ago and I remembered him complaining that he had too many responsibilities now and that his other two brothers didnt. He complained alot of me holding my youngest all the time and even changing them. He would say, Why cant I be a baby again so I dont have to help clean. His teacher told me she thought it was jeolousy and needed a one on one time with me. Yes its hard trying to balance out three kids with the same amount of attention when two younger ones need you the most. But I had to do it for him. He was so happy to see me take the time to just sit down and even play a video game with him. It started working and now hes helping his three year old brother to go potty. Before this he would come home and hide the soiled bags of underwear behind dressers, under the bed, the couch, behind doors. Any where he could. When I would ask him about this, he would just say he can not feel when he has to go. His school eventually called children and youth on me because of this. And let me tell you, it was hell. Hearing from them that you are a bad mom and maybe somethings mentally wrong with him. My son did so good in school. His teacher loved him dearly. She would say how bright he was and a delight to have in her class. I have recently took him out of school and he is now homeschooled. We are still working with him. His teacher and I have started a turtle sheet where there are 5 turtles on the paper...every time he goes in his pants he puts a sticker outside the turtle shell. When he did good and went on the toilet, he puts the sticker inside the shell. once each turtle is completed with a sticker, he gets a reward from the prize box. It is working but DO NOT pressure him! If we draw too much attention at telling him he needs to go to the bathroom, he seems to not do good. I try to praise him for doing good and trying. even if he does not get a sticker inside the turtle shell, we still reward him for trying. I cant say this will work for all kids because I believe all kids learn differently just like my three kids are so different from each other. But trying something new wont hurt. Maybe try talking to him alone with just the two of you and maybe doing what I have done by making one on one time will help.??? Hope this works for you.

[WorriedMom8]

I just recently found out that my 8 yr old is having BM while sleeping.  We found out when my husband and I found a pair of soiled underwear.  We asked him about it and he said when he woke up it was just there and he didn't say anything because he was embarrassed.  We told him that he had nothing to be worried about and he seemed pleased with that.  I have been divorced since he was an infant.  He was potty trained by 2 1/2 and never had any major accidents once he was fully potty trained.  when he was about 5 and came home from visiting his father, my husband found him sleep walking and urinating in the closet a couple of times, along with having nightmares and it would take us about 3 months to get him back to normal and that continued until about a year ago (only after visiting his father) and he hasn't had any episodes since, until recently.  He does worry a lot for an 8 yr old, but is a really great kid.  He makes honor roll and wins awards at school constantly.  I've had a heart to heart and he says that he's very happy and would tell us if anything was wrong and swears that he has no idea as to why the BM in his sleep are happening.  Please help.

[mom2jL]

My 7 year old step-daughter has accidents almost daily. She urinates on herself and has bowel movements on herself.  I am a nurse so I have tried almost everything I learned in nursing school but nothing seems to work! I took her to the dr to make sure she did't have a bladder/kidney/urinary tract infection and she didn't.  I have started her on a high fiber diet which has seemed to help a lot with the BM accidents but she still urinates on herselft almos daily!  Her urine has a very strong odor to it, I can immediately tell when she is wet.  When she is at home with us we remind her every 2 hours to go potty and I have her sitter do the same.  It seems to happen more when she is playing or really involved in something but not always.  She will not usually tell me when she needs to go if we're in a store, I will ask and she will say no, then I make her go to the bathroom anyways and she will be wet.  I ask if it embarrasses her she says no that she doesn't mind.  I would think that she would not like the feeling of being wet. I know that she has gone through a lot of changes in the past few years and the way she was raised by her mother the first 3-4 years wasn't great. My husband had to potty train her when she moved in with him at age 4. She was never abused just not given the time and attention required to potty train her. I even had to leave work to go pick her up from school last year and bring her home to give her a bath from a BM accident she had. She lives in a very stable environment now and even calls me mom, she is a very happy child and has changed so much (for the better) since I have came into her life. We have tried rewarding her for not having accidents, when that didn't work, we have tried punishing her for being too busy to go potty or not telling us when she does have an accident. I keep a change of clothes with me constantly, make her potty before bed (which usually helps with night time accidents) the only other thing I can think is I did talk with her dr and he mentioned that her diurectic hormone may not be mature enough yet that if they continued we may be able to put her on medicine for this.I hate for her to be on medicine?  I'm just not quiet sure if she is too lazy to go to the bathroom or if she really does have a problem?

[Scamper30]

I also have a 9yr old that pees in his pants quite often. I can't let him go spend the night with friends because he will have an accident. This is not a night accident its during the day. I've asked him why and he says that when he gets up in the morning (if it happens in the morning) (it happens all different times of the day) that usually he trips or falls and then thats why he has the accident. Just like today he went with his dad to a tractor show and left out this morning. He was out all day and there was a bathroom in several areas. When I went to pick them up he had a big spot in that area where you could deffinately tell that he had pee'd in his pants. I told him that if I could tell right off then so could everyone else and asked if he was embarrassed. He really didn't seem all that bothered. We have had him checked out and something about a testicle was coming down so that was fixed but we still have problems. I personaly think that hes waiting to long and when he finaly can't wait anymore thats when hes hunting a bathroom. He will even do it at home when hes outside playing. He could just go outside cause we are kinda in the country but he would rather pee in his pants. I just dont understand it.

[Realmen101]

Our child was doing the same thing but we got on board with that and we figured it out. In the past they never had this problem you know why because men treated their sons like men when they were children. They ridicule them and punish them for such Behavior. Kids nowadays don't care unless there's a consequence. Throughout history you don't think children of attempted this and that they don't feel it coming. Well guess what they do. they just choose not to go to the bathroom at the appropriate time. So we started punishing him and then he finally got it right. Doctor's today everything has a term or condition. Everything so fragile nowadays it makes me sick. We are raising a generation of crybabies.

[niko99]

Help...my nephew is messing himself daily.  When he first came to live with us nine months ago, everything was fine.  But for the past month, he has started to poop his pants...daily.   I first noticed when I found dirty underwear behind my dryer.  I talked to him about it...but he just wanted to change the subject.  Both of his parents died last year and I wonder if this has anything to do with it...acting out.  I have been taking his older sister to a counsler ( he did not want to go and I was told not to push him into it), but I feel he should go now.   I don't know what to do.  I have not had to deal with this before with my own children who are grown and out of the house.   Any suggestions.

[KellyFlink]

About 15 percent of children in the early grades have daytime accidents. Here are some  ways to prevent accidents and help kids learn bladder control.

First, parents and teachers should recognize that not all children in kindergarten, first grade or even second grade have complete control of their bladders. Children can have unstable bladder contractions that hit them suddenly, where they need to go to the bathroom immediately or they will have an accident

To prevent accidents and decrease stress on the bladder, it is recommended that children go to the bathroom relatively frequently or what may seem to be relatively frequently but is really within a normal range. He offers these tips:

-- During the school day, teachers in kindergarten, first and second grade should encourage each child go to the bathroom every two to three hours. Free access to the bathroom should also be granted for children that need to go at other times.

-- Parents can encourage their child to remember to go at least twice, if not three times, a day -- at morning, lunch and afternoon.

-- It's especially important for parents and teachers to encourage children to go to the bathroom about an hour after lunch. For reasons that are not clear, many wetting accidents occur from 2 to 5 p.m.

Parents and teachers can provide additional support to minimize the stress or embarrassment of a wetting accident:

-- Ask if your school keeps spare clothing on hand. If your child routinely has problems, provide the teacher or nurse with a set of your child's own clothes to keep in a discreet location.

-- Reassure the child that his or her bladder has "played a trick on them," and if they start going to the bathroom more often, they will get more control.

-- Never punish a child for a wetting accident. No child wants to be wet.

[KellyFlink]

My daughter is 7 years old and we have been having problems like you. She can not stay dry at night, so we use pullups. I have started a night time plan where I make her go to the bathroom before bed, I wake her up twice a night, once at 11pm and then again at 3pm and then I make her go in the morning. I hope that in the future she will begin to wake up on her own. She still wakes most mornings wet, but we are still in the first steps... She use to have accidents during the day and just recently is starting to again. I used to think that she is so into what she is doing that she doesn't think to stop and go. I now believe that she doesn't feel the urge to go until it is to late. What I have been doing and recommend is to get everyone involved and have them ask your son to try to go potty or to the bathroom ever hour or two. Pack a change of clothes for school that your son can cary in his bookbag and keep and extra pair with you in the car or in a bag that is easy to get to. Let his teachers know, so that they can also monitor it. This will ease the stress of when he does have an accident, you wont have to stop what you are doing and head on home to change him or leave your job to pick him up from shcool. Also, it will ease the stress on him if he does happen to have an accident in public. I do not think that children want to be wet and smell, I think that they are just as embarassed and ashamed as we are. They are children and keep it in the back of your head that he will not be in his 20's wetting the bed and having accidents. It is just for the time being and eventually he will grow out of it. Hope this helps in some way. :)  

[confusedinsc]

I too have an 8 year old who will not stop playing long enough to go to the bathroom. We took him to the  psychologist and all she did was asked about my husband and I. a  total waste of time. We've tried grounding him,  taking his things away, I have even put him in diapers, nothing is working.... any ideas?????

[CHeimes]

I have to agree with AJH84... this is not normal.  I can understand maybe peeing in the bed when sleeping at that age... but not peeing and pooping in pants when at dads or having to go see dad...

I am concerned.  How often does he go see dad?  There could be something more to this story and w/ dad... I hope it's not what I'm thinking.

Please give more info on dad and how he is when he's with dad.

Thanks!

[anxiousmomtobe?]

Sounds like stress....